Monday, October 29, 2007

men are afraid women will laugh at them. women are afraid men will kill them.

ok so i am wearing the same keds as this girl at a concert (band unknown) (by me) (photography complimentary of reno). i am just wondering who wore them better?

what else has been on my mind lately you ask? the following thoughts:

it is impossible for me to feel badly for cable companies because people manage to steal cable. i wish daily i could steal cable and internet. dont get me wrong cable companies are not like walmart or insurance companies or anything. but its hard to feel bad for corporations. i analyzed their ad campaign. their best commercial is clearly the one where one guy turns in this jerk at his work because he made fun of his balding head. i dont understand you are a bad person because you get free HBO approach but i do understand not liking someone and ratting them out. so the moral approach is kind of offensive because lets face it corporations are not exactly shining examples of good behavior. however, i think i am ok with the revenge/spite campaign.

when will i be able to buy these jeans?

for awhile i thought it was ok to oppose gay marriage on religious grounds. i have since backed away from that and now believe that an individual can personally have the belief that gay marriage and gayness and all that stuff is immoral but to actively oppose it is wrong and discriminatory. that being said i also thought today that i wish hipsters couldnt get married. i am not sure why i care if hipsters get married. in fact i am sure its fine if they do. its a weird thought to have. somehow i think it stems from my disdain for hipsters but i dont really see the connection to marriage.

ever since i cut my hair i have been preoccupied with the idea of kissing a boy who has longer hair than i do. and then i that what boys are thinking when they kiss girls with long hair?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

we can discuss the human genome project later

sometimes when you are cleaning out your bathroom drawer at your moms house (no no this isnt from my stint of living with my parents in the spring, this is from highschool) you end up throwing a lot of stuff away. like old makeup and crusty toothpaste. but what about old teeth molds. at first i thought for sure its a throw away. but then i decided, hey what if i am in a fire and they cant identify my body and they need my dental records (and somehow my dentist loses my records. maybe in a fire. how ironic). so i decided they are keepers. because identifying my charred body ranks high on my list of things i want to happen. when i am dead.

speaking of death, mine, i have been meaning to write an online holographic will. i am not sure its legal. i am leaning towards no. here it goes...

bookshelf: cicada because i know how you love wallpapered bookshelves.
armoire: shane. he said it was cute. and it has lace curtains. he wins.
butterfly chair: lisa, because i know how much you like butterflys.
small purple painting collection: colls. you love purple. and paintings.
quilts: go to my cousins. the ones i liked (you know who you are).
mirrors (both): go to becky. because you are so pretty.
kitchen stuff (including the pan that says NATALI): gavin because he likes to cook casseroles.
jeans: janelle. you will need to hem them but they should fit.
fabric: cicada, will you name a purse after me?
dryer: sugarcube, you have a truck so it will be easy for you to move.
alito judicial nomination tickets: brian (i think you can sell them on ebay) and for some reason i think they are worth alot of money. oh and you can have my car. you will need to get that registered.
the antique chair: lisa, because i know how much you like morrises. (get it)
my old records book: reno. you liked how it was date stamped in like 1918. its a great year.
wooden noah ark: jessica, i know how much she likes floods and animals
my homework i saved (including book reports, drawings and poetry): my mom. she has been trying to throw it away. and now she finally can.
my jewelry: rose, she has had her eye on the italian ring since well italy.
books: tanya, if you want them. if not give them to brian. maybe he would trade you the books for the alito tickets. but dont ask me. i am out of this.
shoes: its strange but i want to give those to me.
winter clothing: jamie, because you are the only person who is consistently colder than i am
my laptop: arlo, because you will love her more than me. not more than you loved me. but you will love the computer more than i loved her. or maybe it was the other way...
my cellphone: bean, you love technology. and you are one.
my J-lo hoop earrings and my legal books, to breena. you are a fashion icon. and a feminist. what fun.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

shoes twins and leftover salad

sometimes tanya and i have twinner moccasins. only sometimes. sometimes people email me poems. i love poems. i love emails. i love poem emails. here is the latest one i received:

why was tigger looking in the potty?
he was looking for poo. (h)
and today
i was looking for you
mama you weren't online
i was sad
you didn't have time
but i wanted to tell you about
my day
my lunch a leftover cafe rio salad
how i am sad alan is married
and has sex with someone else
but it's blowing over
my pinky toenail fell off
and i am seeing "hairspray tonight"

sometimes my aunt and i have twinner keds. i wish we had the same size of shoes so we could share.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

therefore, LDS women should be the best homemakers in the world

i watched conference. i like conference. mostly because it is a really close to an idea i am workshopping called "home church" which i am going to have with my kids. church is too long an boring and germ infested for children. i also like conference because i can listen to the tv while i clean and sew. which fortunately is right in line with what i should be doing as a woman. but if i could make conference even better this is what i would change:

1) no saturday session. (i did the math that is 8-10 (gender dependant) hours. church should be 1.5 hours a week. i am good until mid-november)

2) i would like if there were less prayers and singing. and i wish more/any women prayed. or in the alternative random volunteers from the congregation. (small children would be great).

3) i would give an arm and a leg oh what the hell two legs for a talk from a woman or about women were the word mother is never mentioned. men get all sorts of talks where the word father is never mentioned. but say the general relief society president does give a talk on women where she says things like no amount of education makes up for not being able to clean your house and then a picture of a women windexing her windows comes up on the screen it is safe to say i will shit a brick.

4) more talks on Jesus and king benjamin. they are my favorite.

5) more talks on diversity in mormon homes.

7) Chieko Okazaki should always speak. she gives the best quilting metaphors. For example:

"but all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other. Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order. Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity. All of us face different family circumstances and home situations. All of us need strength in dealing with them. This strength comes from faith in the Savior’s love and in the power of his atonement. If we trustingly put our hand in the Savior’s, we can claim the promise of the sacramental prayer to always have his Spirit with us. All problems are manageable with that strength, and all other problems are secondary in urgency to maintaining a strong spiritual life.” –Chieko Okazaki, General Conference 1993

8) more talks on preach my gospel because they are easy to nap to.

9) more talks on outer space.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

computers are about murdering you in a lake

i was wrong about the next pope but i was right about Henry B. Eyring. and thats all that matters. because i bet on that one.