Friday, August 29, 2008

hug a dolphin another day

august 29, 2008

dear m.l.k. jr:

im still not totally ok with you. you know my feelings. but im not bringing that up now because you are dead. however, i am curious if you really did endorse obama or if i misheard when i was trying to quickly change the channel. also, my tv sound didnt work for like 15 minutes last night and i want to know if you or any of your friends are haunting my tv set. that might also explain the color problems. everything is orange. good thing orange is my favorite color.



ps here is a picture of jesus on a birthday cake. i heard you are religious.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

you have a lot of dance in those pants

i was never a big fan of miranda rights. not the actual rights themselves. those are fine. but the whole reciting thing. it doesnt have much to a ring to it. its not like the lords prayer which sounds great every time. however, after watching law and order i realized there is something i dislike more than normal miranda. its when whoever gets arrested starts rattling them off (because they are some lawyer or cop or repeat offender with a good memory) and they try to finish them before the cops. it takes too much time.

time wasting is a big concern for me. i also take the golden rule seriously. i try to never waste anyones time with things they hate or arent in the mood for or are only doing out of obligation. it reminds me of when people try to peer pressure me into doing things like wedding showers or campouts or drugs.

speaking of drugs i took some sleeping medication as i do every night and i forgot to go to bed because i was excited about aaron's new song. featured here. eventually the ambien caught up to me and i said "i think im going to have problems getting to my bed" and he thought i said "i think you are going to have problems getting to my bed."

thats a pretty good pick up line right? or maybe its not because it implies a boy would have problems getting into my bed because im a prude or there is an obstacle course or i kick in my sleep. i was thinking of it tonight at a party with ladyace when we were talking about hitting on boys. we talk about it alot. or in other words we are all talk.

i like to talk about those vampire books. everyone is really into book clubs. not me because i dont like to read much unless you count those vampire books. but i would like to form a vampire book club. any vampire book. i can think of five off the top of my head. fortunately i have all ready read them all so all the pressure is off.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

small talk on my day off

i had this idea to start a blog about a hypothetical baby. but i have a lot on my blog plate. and the problem with hypothetical babies is you cant take tons of pictures of them (because they dont exist) and pictures are the keystone of any good baby blog. i was also concerned a made up baby blog might offend real babies (parents) everywhere. so this is as far as the brainstorming went:

brian: did you start you fake baby blog yet?
me: not yet
i dont know if i willbrian: that's ok

but here is an excerpt of what my baby blog would have been like.

i found this outfit for kitty.* isnt she adorable? she loves it and cries when i take it off. whenever we go to the park she gets so many compliments. its because she is so adorable. i cant believe how big she is getting! i hope she doesnt outgrow it by halloween but if she does i was i have a cute pumpkin costume that should work. anyway i have to run. the baby is waking up from her nap and we running to the store...

*not her real name.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

sex on wednesday

at tuesday lunch with my parents my dad was telling me how proud my mom was of me. and i was like yeah right. and he said she is always bragging about you. and i said what does she brag about (i was secretly hoping she told everyone i was good at sewing* and had a great sense of humor even if i wasnt married). no such luck. she likes to tell people how small i am. i think if i lost a couple of more pounds i could maybe surpass my younger brother as the favorite who we are all very proud of because he teaches a class as UVSC. thats right he is a professor (adjunct). he is living the part time dream.

all my heros work part time.

ive decided im going to go get a physical this week. im not even really sure what it entails. i vaguely remember getting one when i was 13 and having this conversation with the doctor:

doctor: Have you talked to your parents about sex?
me: ugh yeah i guess.
doctor: Are you sure? If they havent I will.
me: maybe i should just pee in a cup and leave.

i havent been back since.

*originally i had written sewer. i realized that cant be right.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

bunny, not just a name

im waiting for my mail to come because i am getting a new debit card which i need to go to costco to buy breaking dawn. i can hardly wait. if the mail person comes this blog will end abruptly.

the problem is i am a