the bags out

i am like the queen of england

2011-03-02T17:01:00.000-08:00

first of all: charlie sheen has lost it. but he has found a drug that doesn't show up on a drug test because he was high as a kite last night on that interview.

second of all: i want a solid couple name with richie. if you have a good couple name its a good indicator of how compatible you are. right? i'm not sure how relationships work.

does anyone have any ideas? here are the possible flavor combinations that we have come up with thus far (richie and natali(e)*)

1) richie (rich + ie) richie came up with that

2) natali (nata +ie) i came up with that

*or purposes of this exercise pretend my mother spelled my name in the traditional manner it makes more sense

if i didnt have self control

2011-02-03T20:27:00.000-08:00

something i like about the new year: you are allowed to write down the wrong year because you havent adjusted.

something i hate about the new year: you are only allowed to get the year confused with the prior year.

this is my old bike it got stolen. someone(s) stole it. probably for drugs. and by drugs i mean a pack of cigarettes because thats all your getting for my shitty pink bike.

take that thieves!

they took it.

other things that have been stolen of mine include: my other bike. yes thats right i have already been victimized. i refuse to attach to another bike ever again. my new bike is great (not pictured). but i refuse to love it. so jaded.

well enough about my trust issues. i have a cough that i trust will never go away.

90210! ive been waiting for this day forever

2010-09-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

and it finally came.

i guess i should probably talk about my favorite 90210 episode. its gotta be every episode about donna being a virgin. she was a virgin forever. in fact, i stopped watching around the time she got birth control so she is a perma virgin to me.

other important things to note: im back in school.

also, eat at chuck a rama on these days: sunday and thursday.*

avoid the other days and go to the sizzler instead. you can get a baked potato with the salad bar. i hear.

*international foods is monday but isnt as international as one would hope. sauerkraut is strangely placed in chuck wagon day. breakfast is never offered but there is currently a movement (of which i am not involved) to change this.

mutual recission

2010-06-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

oh dear. one of the students forgot what day the potluck was and brought her homemade enchiladas early. i quizzed her for the recipes but she kept saying "secret" and "top" --not in that order. but i did learn sort of how to make homemade tortillas. i fumbled over that sentence like i will surely fumble over making them. cornmeal and water and mixing and pressing. to be fair its not rocket science. and, although criticized for my weight i managed to eat twice as much as anyone else.

i have a fondness of the unexpected. i didnt come up with that someone said that about my writing and after those enchiladas i agreed.

this blog may become a cooking blog. or. maybe its always been one.

im her mom...no shes not!

2010-05-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

occasionally i like to share the occasional work story. this story is a work story in a work story. so i guess i am really just telling a parable.

yesterday at a work meeting we were discussing the recent sexual harassment seminar some of the students put on to make the other students aware of sexual harassment. so the seminar was during class. upon finding this out and seeings that i didnt have to teach i got the hell out and went and watched tv on my computer. duh. anyway, my coworker was like natali how come you just left. and i was like duh. she was like i thought we had to stay. and i said next time you ever find yourself in that situation say hells no and go watch tvs on your computer. duh.

anyway she realized i was right. but the best part was the conversation that happened DURING the seminar (about sexual harassment)

student in charge: so you should come sign this i wont bite
other student: unless you want him to
student in charge: oh yeah then i would totally bite (wink or something)
other student: i bet he is good at it, yeah baby (what not)

(something else sexual was said but i wasnt there this is all hearsay)

moving onto more important matters i decided i would try to eat a veggie dog everyday this summer. this is day three. upon telling bry my seasonal dietary goals he said:

Bryton: I think you'd get sick of them after four days

me: i think i got sick of them after the thought

we were both right really.

up and down dates

2010-05-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

in recent news i went camping. its really impressive if you have ever met me or know anything about me. whats even more impressive is that my friend matt was eating dinner and he said do you want to go camping tonight and i said yes (see how spontaneous i can be). and then i actually went (and dependable). and i didnt complain the whole time (such a trooper). and i have sent him like three texts saying remember what a good camper i was?(he probably mostly remembers how he had to do everything for me including zipping up my sleeping bag, telling me stories to get me to sleep, and how he had to do everything that involved "set up" or "take down"). so i sort of think at this point he is regretting the whole thing.

unpaid vacations and the like

2010-02-02T10:46:00.001-08:00

i have all this information stored away in my brain about things i find interesting. but forgot to write about. first of all, this conversation happened at my new and exciting teaching job in the faculty room.

man: (gay)(not that it matters)(on the phone with another gay man)(not that is matters): i mean its just that i care about you so much. PAUSE. but i care about you. PAUSE. but i dont want to have sex with you. PAUSE. but i care about you. i really do care. PAUSE. but i just dont feel that way anymore. i dont want to have sex. PAUSE. but i care. and i just put something in your box. PAUSE. i really care.

hang (hung?) up.

thats when i realized the other guy who is super cared about also worked at the school.

i really wasnt going to press this subject. i am not sure what the etiquette is on listening to another persons conversation you cant get out of without physically moving. but my co worker wanted me to know that once you had the milk you dont want to buy the cow. (does that mean he was bad in bed?). really i thought that analogy only applied to girls trying to get married. so it was good to have it used in another context which broadened my own usage of it. i am never going to milk a co worker. i know thats a bad idea. now i worry about my milk being any good.

damn that conversation stressed me out.

boys are dumb

2009-11-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

people are always so down on technology and so am i.

what an interesting time and place u choose

2009-10-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

the bag has been out for a really long time. about two weeks ago i decided i missed it and wanted to resurrect it from the blog cemetery where i buried it some time ago. however, two weeks ago i realized when i killed my blog i set a series of traps in case i was tempted to bring it back to life i couldnt. but, i finally figured out my password and username and where i put it and wah law*. i didnt say it was an exciting process but it took all my computer skills and a fair amount of patience.

also, i thought of waiting until nov 18 the last day i posted so it would be a whole year but then i thought natali you were going to stop being so sentimental that was so the first 30 years of your life. (i am dangerously sentimental with very little poetry to show for it). i really dont know when i made that resolution but i suspect it was september. and, i have considered long and hard about what trait i would substitute for sentimentality. although becoming more stoic was a brief consideration becoming the opposite of an unwanted trait is not always the answer. so i chose industrious. which is why i have time for this blog.

*my spelling has not improved

contributing to america

2008-11-18T19:18:00.001-08:00

me: did i tell you i got a fish pedicure?
dad: what in the world is that?
me: you stick your feet in an aquarium and the fish eat the dead skin off.
dad: that sounds like something someone came up with when they were drinking something. (i think he was implying alcohol).
me: its from asia.
dad: then someone's drinking in asia.

i like mice

2008-11-16T16:56:00.001-08:00

i actually dont like mice that much. they are ok. i was telling colls that i was going to post a blog about how when you turn 30 you get a lot of cake. i told colls i was going to call my next blog 6 cakes and she said really shouldnt it be called i like mice or something? i said good point. also i technically only had 5 and one of those todd just made for a dinner party and brought over the delicious remainder BUT i got a candle and a wish so i counted it.

this one was festive.

this one contained tasty TAB (compliments of elin) and it says NAT when turned the correct way.

bean helped me blow out the candles. truth be told i did all the work.

and this was my work cake although technically no one was in the office to enjoy it so i just sent it home with a co worker.

todd's delicious rose water something cake.

and im thirty.

cigarette quilt

2008-11-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

oh new exciting quilting blog.

i dont want anyone to think i promote smoking.

but its just so long and skinny.

i think it would be good for watching movies on a couch.

or maybe other things.

where does creamed corn figure into the universe

2008-11-02T16:38:00.000-08:00

fight threw an excellent pumpkin party.

my favorite was clif's. he let me paint the dinosaur's mouth red. clif might be my best friend.

i think maybe fight used gum to fix his eye patch.

stefano was my second favorite costume. he was this guy.

but elin was my favorite as this lady.

communists! i think. i really dont know whats going on.

im so glad halloween is over.

i have the wrong zip

2008-10-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

i missed my cousin emmy's birthday. i know because i had this conversation with her yesterday.

me: i called you fifty times* why didnt you answer. i had a pumpkin cookie disaster/miracle.

emmy: yeah sorry i have twins.

me: oh yeah thats right. (i went on to explain in depth how i lost half of the pumpkin cookie recipie and had to improvise and ended up adding extra eggs, pumpkin and salt and guessing on all the dry ingrediants AND it turned out ok) (its a long story)(but i think i tell it well).

emmy: that is a miracle.

me: i know right. its my birthday soon.

emmy: oh yeah when is that.

me: oh no i just realized its the end of october. i missed your birthday.

emmy: its fine i can never remember if yours is the 5th or 6th.

me: its the 3rd. what day is yours. the 18th? the 25th?

emmy: you are just kidding right?

me: the 23rd. its probably the 23rd.

emmy: the 20th.

happy birthday emmy.

*i really only called 3 times but i called rose another 4 times so it felt like fifty combined.

dogs can be angels but probably arent.

2008-10-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

my father, in a fit of sentimentality, which he later admitted, told me thinking back i wasnt that high maintenance after all.

strange because all i have been thinking about is getting a new bed and tv. and i want nice ones not crappy ones that are hard to sleep on or ones that are bright and orange.

well that isnt all i have been thinking about. i have also been thinking long and hard about my skin. i think if my skin was better everything in my life would be fixed. that might be a paranoid delusion. but i dont think it is. i think really if my skin was better everything in my life would be fixed.

my pants have pockets

2008-10-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

i talk to myself a lot when i am sewing. i think its pretty normal. you know. its nice to bounce ideas off people even if its just yourself. i never really got nervous about it until i had this conversation (in my head):

me: i think i want this quilt to be primarily solid squares.
me: yeah me too!

hmmmm. that might explain why i have been wanting to watch sybil lately.

everyday im in the whitehouse

2008-10-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

jo and i went to a quilt show in odgen.

i liked this transportation one.

i liked this circly one.

i liked this one too. and i learned a 14 year old made it.

i have a strong preference for squares (in boys and quilts). anyway after the show we ate at taco taco. the end.

holiday greetings from the bags out

2008-10-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

i got a new hair cut...

and my celebrity look a like is...

arent you just full of comments.

2008-10-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

i had a dream last night. i was at a hearing and the judge spoke a different language. i am always nervous judges will ask me things i dont know and i wont be able to bull shit in a timely manner. however, i found it much less intimidating when the judge couldnt speak english. i remember wearing a grey suit and telling the insurance company (represented by a girl in my ward who used to teach sunday school) that their defense was racist.

this is sort of similar to the actual hearing i had today. except for no one was racist and the judge spoke fluent english. i know because we had this interaction.

Judge: Do you know the location of your client?
me: i dont know. but i think he is in argentina.
judge: What have you done to locate him?
me: i asked his friends. they think he is in argentina.
Judge: Are you really comfortable settling your clients case without consulting him?
me: yes. (i dont sweat this kind of stuff).
Judge: (awkward silence).

the only really exciting part was before i was up to discuss how i dont really care about client rights someones cell phone went off and the lady actually answered and started talking. i saved the day by telling her she should leave. i think you can get fined for shit like that.

and your IM.

2008-09-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

i have actually been sewing a lot but this is my one finished project for the summer. everything else is in various stages of almost done.

this is a new baby quilt for tabitha. she is one of my favorite babies. i think maybe i will just ask her parents how they feel about cloning. anyway, i gave her the quilt and she looked pretty happy about it.

hey i got your post it

2008-09-25T11:48:00.001-07:00

like all not-really-serious blog writers who only sort of like their blog i occasionally think of ideas to make it better. in fact i had this conversation (in my head) with david foster wallace just today:

n: first of all can i just say how sorry i was to hear you died.

dfw: oh really?

n: yeah. i really liked your stuff. alot. it really affected me and how i thought about writing and really changed my point of view on a lot of things and shit. and you seemed great. just great. (im sorry im really nervous to even be having this fake conversation with you) (blush).
dfw: oh dont worry you are doing just fine. but i thought you only read three essays.
n: thats true. once i said i read infinite jest but i realized i thought it was another book. sorry.
dfw: dont sweat it. its too long to take seriously.
n: no no thats not it its just those vampire books came out and you know.... anyway, as a writer i really value your opinion, do you think there is anything i could do to possibly make my blog better?
dfw: more pictures.

i think dfw is probably right.

but i am willing to take other people's thoughts into consideration. for instance i came upon this comment on a post on someone elses blog about a post i had composed some time back.

Other than the stylistic elements that seem intended to drive readers away (centered justification, no capitalization, illegible blog title), I wouldn't be too concerned about it.

(thats exactly my approach. the concern part.)

...I read it as somebody incorrectly interpreting self-discovery as societal trend (as we are all wont to do at times). As I see it, the author is discovering her attitude towards an issue and then (apparently unbeknownst to her) projecting her internal thought processes onto the external world, resulting in her observing for the first time societal approaches to that issue -- approaches which were previously opaque* to her, since prior to such self-discovery she lacked the internal discernment requisite to perceiving such different approaches. Of course, the approaches are not recent; the only recent phenomenon is her self-discovery...

this part is less interesting. because it doesnt make much sense. but it sounds like something that should make sense and that always impresses me. probably because it reminds me of my job. anyway, if i am looking for more help (or perhaps some therapy for that self discovery process) with my writing i should probably just stick to dfw.

* i particularly like this sentence although i must say i didnt care for it the first couple of times i read it. it grows on you.

hey i got your email

2008-09-08T20:58:00.001-07:00

this weekend i remembered this story:

when i was in law school i was talking to this guy i kind of knew. i asked about his baby and he said he was doing well. he said he was with his baby the other day and someone asked what the baby's name was and he couldnt remember. he sat there looking at the baby and thought "he is six months old i should know his name by now." i dont remember if he actually remembered or not or had to make something up.

anyway here is this picture. i like it. brian and gavin were too busy thinking about ghosts to look at the camera.

coughing up art

2008-09-02T21:02:00.001-07:00

oh here are some new and exciting quilts coming from springville art museum. if you want to see the show it ends thursday.

this asian one is cute because its pieced with japanese fabric and quilted to look like pagodas.

kandinksy?

the rest of that awesome box sculpture that aaron doesnt appreciate. brian liked it. but he didnt blog about it. (this is not a quilt)

this reminds me of the old man and the sea.

shiny.

my parents liked this one.

the end.

hug a dolphin another day

2008-08-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

august 29, 2008

dear m.l.k. jr:

im still not totally ok with you. you know my feelings. but im not bringing that up now because you are dead. however, i am curious if you really did endorse obama or if i misheard when i was trying to quickly change the channel. also, my tv sound didnt work for like 15 minutes last night and i want to know if you or any of your friends are haunting my tv set. that might also explain the color problems. everything is orange. good thing orange is my favorite color.

xoxo,

n

ps here is a picture of jesus on a birthday cake. i heard you are religious.

you have a lot of dance in those pants

2008-08-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

i was never a big fan of miranda rights. not the actual rights themselves. those are fine. but the whole reciting thing. it doesnt have much to a ring to it. its not like the lords prayer which sounds great every time. however, after watching law and order i realized there is something i dislike more than normal miranda. its when whoever gets arrested starts rattling them off (because they are some lawyer or cop or repeat offender with a good memory) and they try to finish them before the cops. it takes too much time.

time wasting is a big concern for me. i also take the golden rule seriously. i try to never waste anyones time with things they hate or arent in the mood for or are only doing out of obligation. it reminds me of when people try to peer pressure me into doing things like wedding showers or campouts or drugs.

speaking of drugs i took some sleeping medication as i do every night and i forgot to go to bed because i was excited about aaron's new song. featured here. eventually the ambien caught up to me and i said "i think im going to have problems getting to my bed" and he thought i said "i think you are going to have problems getting to my bed."

thats a pretty good pick up line right? or maybe its not because it implies a boy would have problems getting into my bed because im a prude or there is an obstacle course or i kick in my sleep. i was thinking of it tonight at a party with ladyace when we were talking about hitting on boys. we talk about it alot. or in other words we are all talk.

i like to talk about those vampire books. everyone is really into book clubs. not me because i dont like to read much unless you count those vampire books. but i would like to form a vampire book club. any vampire book. i can think of five off the top of my head. fortunately i have all ready read them all so all the pressure is off.

small talk on my day off

2008-08-12T21:52:00.001-07:00

i had this idea to start a blog about a hypothetical baby. but i have a lot on my blog plate. and the problem with hypothetical babies is you cant take tons of pictures of them (because they dont exist) and pictures are the keystone of any good baby blog. i was also concerned a made up baby blog might offend real babies (parents) everywhere. so this is as far as the brainstorming went:

brian: did you start you fake baby blog yet?

me: not yet

i dont know if i willbrian: that's ok

but here is an excerpt of what my baby blog would have been like.

i found this outfit for kitty.* isnt she adorable? she loves it and cries when i take it off. whenever we go to the park she gets so many compliments. its because she is so adorable. i cant believe how big she is getting! i hope she doesnt outgrow it by halloween but if she does i was i have a cute pumpkin costume that should work. anyway i have to run. the baby is waking up from her nap and we running to the store...

*not her real name.

sex on wednesday

2008-08-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

at tuesday lunch with my parents my dad was telling me how proud my mom was of me. and i was like yeah right. and he said she is always bragging about you. and i said what does she brag about (i was secretly hoping she told everyone i was good at sewing* and had a great sense of humor even if i wasnt married). no such luck. she likes to tell people how small i am. i think if i lost a couple of more pounds i could maybe surpass my younger brother as the favorite who we are all very proud of because he teaches a class as UVSC. thats right he is a professor (adjunct). he is living the part time dream.

all my heros work part time.

ive decided im going to go get a physical this week. im not even really sure what it entails. i vaguely remember getting one when i was 13 and having this conversation with the doctor:

doctor: Have you talked to your parents about sex?
me: ugh yeah i guess.
doctor: Are you sure? If they havent I will.
me: maybe i should just pee in a cup and leave.

i havent been back since.

*originally i had written sewer. i realized that cant be right.

bunny, not just a name

2008-08-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

im waiting for my mail to come because i am getting a new debit card which i need to go to costco to buy breaking dawn. i can hardly wait. if the mail person comes this blog will end abruptly.

the problem is i am a

if you happen to go to mexico

2008-07-26T10:55:00.001-07:00

its been an exciting week for me. from a consumer prospective. first of all i bought this bowl i really liked at DI. i wasnt sure what to do with it.

until i bought this shit load of fabric (i know i know i need more fabric like i need a hole somewhere) but it was a great sale.

i didnt actually buy or make this quilt. and this picture doesnt do it justice. my mom showed it to me and said i made this 30 years ago and have never used it...at which point i said you know i am taking that home with me... and my mom said i dont know...and i said too bad....and she said maybe i will use it...and i said yeah when you come to my house.

oh and i got a serger. i have no idea what to do with it besides look at it suspiciously. (it was free with...)

this! and here is my new baby. i love her. more than most things.

well pardon me all over the place

2008-07-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

recently, i started a program funded by my parents where i let them take me to lunch. on tuesday. its aptly named tuesday lunches with my parents. its to make up for me not wanting to go to their house. and despite every assurance that this isnt personal they keep taking it personally so i let them buy me a garden burger and tell me springville gossip. recently, my little brother joined the lunch group. although im not sure why we let him in because unlike myself he is a wonderful child who spends plenty of quality time with the family. this was the conversation we had last tuesday:

me: i might come over tomorrow...wait never mind i remembered i dont want to.

mom: please come over!

me: no.

mom: please...there are some love letters at the house im only giving you if you come over.

me: i dont want them.

mom: fine. george (my dad) dont give her her mail until she comes over.

dad: shrug (indicating he wanted no part of this conversation).

me: that may be a federal offense. anyway i really just dont like the spare bed.

mom: when you get married i will get a new bed.

trevor: but why does it matter if she is married? it doesnt help her now.

me: obviously this is another example of single people discrimination.

mom: do you want to go to the folk fest?

me: cant say that i do.

mom: we can go. trevor has a date and we can spy on him.

me: now this just got interesting. (but it didnt because no one would tell me who he was going with or why he was taking her to the folk fest).

mom: pleaseeeeeeeeeeee.

me: i think the love letter approach was pretty funny. but ineffective. and no.

also. my boss keeps asking me about what he (the bishop) should talk about at girls camp. in fact i just got off the phone with him on this very matter. not the pressing legal conversation you might have imagined. anyway, i told him to use the penny analogy. he of course asked what the penny analogy is. i told him im not sure but i got a penny at girls camp and i was supposed to remain pure like a penny and then give it to my husband when we got married. my boss said that it didnt make sense. and i agreed. money is soooo dirty. anyway he asked if i lost my penny. and i said yes but in all fairness its an oil crisis so i probably just spent it.

some civil servants are like loved ones

2008-07-15T20:37:00.001-07:00

first of all i like my nephew so much and i think he is maybe the funniest kid i have ever met. its widely rumored that when asked if he loves me he says "you know i do." he calls my little brother uncle treasure and he likes to sit on rocks. anyway i asked him to pose for a picture and i got these two looks. i think tyra banks would agree that he is super versatile and that he works that crayon.

talk nerdy to me

2008-07-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

i remembered tonight that i never ever want to go to antarctica.

dear b you have been winning many friend awards with me lately but i suspect our two hearts beat as one after wanted. actually i am not sure when our hearts synchronized but it probably had something to do with the angelina jolies skull. i tell everyone i know twice about how awesome that movie is was and will always be.

sometimes when i go sewing machine shopping the sales people dont take me seriously when i say i want a "cute" machine. say something with some cherries and a kitten. where can i find that?

those rats explode!

2008-07-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

if you wake up and its humid its probably because your apartment is flooding. i wrote this post awhile back. and i liked it awhile back. but lets see how i like it now.

i have ocd like everyone else i know. i, specifically, dont like hands touching my food. unfortunately for me hands are constantly touching food. i can temper the effects of hands by a great deal of hand washing, occasionally breathing techniques and if i had it medication.* i dont have it.

but its fine. except that i am becoming increasingly concerned that i have an elitist disorder. i doubt most people (i am counting the entire population) have the luxury of indulging in any sort of food/hand phobia. it is my understanding that much of the world doesnt have running water or plumbing so it seems like me being grossed out about hands touching food seems pretty trivial and a tad snobbish. in the scheme of things. i feel like the concept applies to anyone with extreme food regulations or that takes most groups of food or types of food out of their diets.** as we all know lots of people dont have enough to eat. the kids in africa get mentioned quite a bit.*** im not sure if its wrong but it seems somehow superior to not eat something because its cooked or there is an animal product somewhere in it. food indicates class and status for every person on a more regular basis than most things (approximately three times a day) making it something i really think about. but what do i know. im not that nice. for example yesterday my mom bought a wrinkled flag to put in the front yard and i told her it was illegal to iron it.

* you were probably about to suggest anti bacterial. i dont like it. but i appreciate the suggestion.
**you know who you are.
***this is a very similar argument to the one made by american parents to get their kids to finish their meals and my mother believes it is the reason why many kids are obese.

i heard the lamanites had it coming

2008-06-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

(my sewing machine broke last week and im not going to fix it for reasons that i am not going to expound on here-anyway, i would appreciate any sewing machine brand/model recommendations anyone may have)

i wonder if ants charge. (like rhinoceroses). i like to sit in the same place in the park. i rarely move unless there is a friendly dog or people close by. you know normal things to be avoided. some ants i know also like the same place in the park. they are always there. but i like that seat so i decided to make it work (out of a combination of laziness, stubbornness and habit).

now i am not afraid of ants. and i dont mind them crawling on me. but they are natural born explorers and shouldnt be trusted. at first i gently brushed them off*. then i starting avoiding them by moving around to let them pass. i felt like i was really going out of my way to make them feel comfortable. but then one of them had the nerve to charge? me. it felt pretty personal so i left.

upon exiting the park i realized i had a hard choice to make. which way to walk. there was a couple cuddling on a blanket that i was curious about (anyone who touches another person in 90 degree weather makes me wonder what is going on) and then a wedding party. maybe a wedding. i choose the wedding. i dont know i am still sort of regretting it. i guess i took the road more traveled.

*i feel its appropriate to apologize to brian since he loaned me the book i was using as the ant brusher offer. however, to my knowledge no ants were killed and i know he would have wanted it that way.

these are tense linguistic times

2008-06-20T17:28:00.000-07:00

recently i read a blog where a girl listed what she ate everyday. i think she was trying to lose weight. anyway, it wasnt half bad. what does this have to do with post? nothing. except that i am tempted to just start writing what i eat everyday.*

today i walked to a quilting store conveniently located in downtown salt lake only to find it closes at 5:55. but that isnt the strange thing. the strange thing is that it was 6 pm on a work day and i had already been to three quilt stores. that story wasnt that great.

let me try again.

i am trying to grow a daffodil. i bought one of those grow your own daffodils pots. you may have seen them. i didnt realize it was a lot of work. first of all. i have to keep it somewhere cool for sixteen weeks and water it once a day. so its in my fridge. and i havent watered it once. i am betting against my daffodil making it. but i will keep everyone updated on its progress. towards death.

sorry its been a slow week.

*the internal battle goes something like this "no one wants to read about what you eat" "but i really like lists" "doesnt matter. boring" "it could be fun" "seriously is this still being debated" "granola bar, milk, green tea, sandwich, green tea, milk, veggie burger, banana" "that was horrible never do that again" "fine. jerk"

i missed the balloons

2008-06-15T17:23:00.001-07:00

springville is the art city. we take it pretty seriously. as seriously as the devil. red devils anyway. i went to this flower show in the art museum.

and then there was more art at this quilt show. (and by art i just mean paintings in addition to the quilts).

oh and then more art at the art show.

the end.

once we found out we were both librarians

2008-06-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

i got two emails from my sister in law today. one was a fairy who is supposed to bring me luck. the second was entitled a black columnist on obama. i read them both.

sometimes i think if i had a conversation with obama about that article it would go something like this:

me: i read an article today about you today.

obama: did it talk about how eloquent i am?

me: yes but i am getting to that. have some patience.

obama: sorry. im just so rattled after finally getting the nomination.

me: thats understandable. anyway the first part of the article is about how we shouldnt vote because of race and that you are very very liberal.

obama: will you vote for me?

me: no i dont think i am going to vote anymore. but for anyone not just you.

obama: are you sure?

me: yeah. i am thinking of moving to france and living by johnny depp. eventually he would leave his girlfriend and marry me. and we would be pretty happy for awhile but i dont know. should i trust him? i mean he is just going to leave me like his girlfriend?

obama: i dont know natali. thats a hard call. you just have to go with your heart.

me: you are right. anyway the article also said the book of revelations describes an anti-Christ who will be a man, MUSLIM (it was capitalized in the article), who uses persuasive language...

obama: seriously i give a helluva speech. but i never wear flag pins. did you know?

me: yes i heard. anyway the man will bring false hope (i am assuming socialized medicine) and when he is in power he will destroy everything. and that guy is probably you.

obama: destroy everything?

me: yeah not just the constitution. everything. im assuming if you are president the earth might blow up.

obama: sooooo i have your vote?

me: oh bama.

obama: (chuckle)

i suspect fellowshipping

2008-06-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

i might be catholic on the inside. there is probably a quiz i could take somewhere but i havent found it. at a young age i realized i loved cathedrals and had to fight the urge to cross myself. and when i was sixteen i wanted a gold cross necklace so bad but i didnt want to break my moms heart or anything. my friend told me he wanted to be catholic for the wine and the low moral expectations.* i dont know about that i just like stained glass. and i am fond of saints.** and candles. but not the scented ones i just like the ones you light for peoples souls.

so i made this scrap quilt. i think it may be a miracle quilt because i made it to use up my scraps but instead my scraps have multiplied. its sort of like the parable of the fishes and the loaves. but with fabric. that i wanted to get rid of. so even if its a miracle i didnt really want it. but thanks i guess.

*i dont know anything about catholic moral expectations but i did get an A in world religions and my friend eric got an A-. i know that he reads this sometimes and i just wanted to remind him that i know way more about religious shit. half a grade more.

**once my friend got a saint bracelet for a cup of coffee.

all you babies.

2008-06-02T10:06:00.001-07:00

i dont think e's parents post enough pictures of her. here she is posing as a cute french baby. (she is wearing a peasant dress in front of a french dresser and i happen to know she only eats dairy).

i dont want to talk about trees anymore

2008-05-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

i think i tend to whine and be on the needy side of emotional. i also like to think most people dont know this besides a handful of selected friends and my immediate family. my cousins probably have their suspicions.

anyway, sometimes i get extra whiny and emotional. possibly based on the lunar cycle. i find that someone telling me i am pretty (and if convenient a nice head pat) makes me feel better. however, who best to do to this? clearly not my mom whom although full of unconditional love is not full of unconditional compliments. and it had to be someone on google chat because i am out of minutes. so obviously i turn to my best friend bexy who is very patient and reassuring and whom i have horded enough of her possessions that she wouldnt dare not answer my phone calls. or in this case my google chat.

so bexy had her hands full today. i estimate at least 75 minutes of me saying "im fugly*" "my body is too flat and compact" and "no man in the world could possibly be attracted to me." she did her best to cheer me up by perving on me over IM (and doing an excellent job) when my forced compliment conversation with bexy (and just when i was about to move on to my personality flaws) was interrupted by a man (a seventy-year-old man) who works in my office. he walked by and did a double take. then he proceeded to tell me how much he liked my new hair cut and color. for a long time. so long i am going to start looking over my shoulder when i walk to my car.

what can i say it felt good.

also my landlord likes my hair. i know because i accidentally sent him pictures of it and he responded that he liked my new do and wanted to know if i could re-sign my lease.

i said yes.

*im not sure if the word fugly was used. but i thought it. and i like to say it. so maybe i did.

the power is out. why am i alive?

2008-05-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

how is my stomach lining doing? i dont mean to be a baby about this but i still have holes and i cant drink diet coke. for the record i have only had 5 diet cokes since February 28. that is only 60 ounces of diet coke. but this is what i have come to learn.

i love it.

it tastes like dirt.

how come i never noticed that dirt taste before? i drank one today. i let it sit in my mouth while it defizzed. it was either my enamel or my stomach and i choose my stomach. i dont know why. my teeth are great and my stomach is the shits. i should try and preserve my good assets.

enough about my internal angst.

a sister missionary told me a joke today. she said in pageants in the philippines the judges ask the contestants what their favorite color is and one girl said fuchsia and then they asked her how to spell it and she said actually i think my favorite color is red. it wasnt a very good joke and i probably wouldnt convert based on it but i thought i was nice for her to try.

oh and i am already mormon.

i got my molars early in life

2008-05-18T17:21:00.001-07:00

my family made a time capsule. we didnt bother waiting until trevor was born. but to be fair we didnt know he was going to be. i have a pretty distinct memory of being sad when i grew out of this dress. you might not be able to see how great it is but it had watermelons and cotton lace which i knew at a young age was a rare but wonderful combination.

i have nothing else to say.

the pros and cons of division

2008-05-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

mothers day conversations:

i told becky if i was a ghost i might watch people having sex. she called me a dirt bag.

during a walk with my mom in which she told me i was both too picky and didnt have high enough standards (i couldnt get to the bottom of that).

i told my mom was i very impressed with my cousins crafting and sewing abilities and she said she was surprised she was so good. and i asked why and she said because my cousin couldnt crawl until she was one (i couldnt get to the bottom of that either).

my nephews awesome outfit AND his first directed question at me. he said "nally dhigh sieh dhgishhh puppy?" (i think the question had to do with a puppy. i told him i was allergic.).

my mothers attempt to clarify our previous conversation where she told me boys arent perfect and something else about standards (i dont remember it because i was reading an article on the trial of korihor. it was pretty boring.).

i told my mom i wouldnt decorate her grave because i knew she wouldnt be there (or appreciate it). she said thats true but i will be watching you. i told her she had better close her eyes.

my dad asked if i had a seventy two hour kit and i said no and that if there was a natural disaster i planned on dying and he said he figured as much.

i told becky about my mom perving on me when she was dead and becky reminded me about how i said four hours prior to this conversation i said i would watch people having sex if i was a ghost. touche.

a woman of letters

2008-05-06T22:01:00.001-07:00

oh yeah becky and i made pretty great easter baskets this year. i forgot about them until just now.

i got this email recently

subject: the intelligencia
message: is on to you.
act now, but be safe.

r.

thanks r. did you mean intelligensia? you know me (do you?) i dont care about spelling. spelling is so confining (dont you think?) and i am the laziest writer i know. anyway i am not sure the distinction is important but i cant google anything about the intelligencia so maybe it doesnt exist. either way i doubt they are onto me. and i am always safe. for example i never talk to strangers and i try not to eat preservatives.

its funny because someone wanted to set me up with someone they knew so they told me to check out his blog. maybe blogging is the new e harmony. the conversation went something like this:

someone: i have someone i want to set you up with!
me: really
someone: yes. its perfect...he is an attorney
me: uh huh
someone: he likes to travel and is super outdoorsy
me: hmm
someone: he likes to make pottery
me: really! i like boys who like crafts
someone: ummm

heaven is a large and interesting place

2008-05-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

may may may may may may may. i hope you arent as cruel.

agent cooper woke up from a dream chewing on his earplug. he dreamt it tasted like gross candy. that happened to me once. its nice to know i am not the only person that has happened to even if the other person is fictional.

speaking of fictional characters i thought i saw a ghost at a church while i was doing yoga. i only thought it was a ghost because the figure looked smudgy in the dark. and on the way in i noticed a car with a vanity plate that said "DIE". i was complaining about dying earlier and b said he would be sad if i did but he was excited to get started on the natali memorial quilt. i should probably teach him how to sew because you never know. in fact i can help you get started on it (and by you i mean b)(or really anyone sewing a quilt in my memory) because i have lots of fabric i need to use up.

speaking of quilts i really like these ones.

updates and downtakes

2008-04-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

i got a pedicure on saturday and my foot kept touching the breasts of the korean girl who was giving me the pedicure. i wasnt sure if i should say anything but it did take my mind off whether or not this was a sweat shop and if i should tip in cash for awhile.

i no longer have a crush on the boy who works at the soup place and will no longer be referring to him as "my boyfriend."

partly the problem was that i dont know korean.

i really loved step up 2: the streets. which is why i kept saying i love this movie sooooo much every five minutes and in even shorter intervals never the end.

maybe i broke up with soup place guy because i am dating the guy i might buy a bike from on craigs list. he did ask me to coffee and i know he likes sleeping in and this american life. sounds like a relationship to me.

seriously i love dance offs. they are my favorite offs ever.

it is terrible doug

2008-04-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

thing(s) that didnt work today:
1) sneaking mcdonalds sundaes into the movie (melting will occur within two blocks)

so i made this new boy quilt. lee, lisa, b and i played pick out your favorite fabric in the boy quilt. its a pretty short game but if you have five minutes it can be fun. like on a date you want to end quickly you play pick your favorite fabric and then walk them to the door.

my mom called me tonight and said "we are in salt lake at a reunion. dont call us." what i like about my mom is she is brief, mysterious and there is never small talk or salutations. this message was a great follow up to our phone call on monday which went as follows: "your dad is the hospital. he is having something done. just thought you should know."

so...i guess we are engaged or something

2008-03-31T20:38:00.001-07:00

i have noticed that bexy and i are having a lot of conversations that go like this:

bexy: i forgot to take my bc last night. i hope i dont get preggers.
me: that would be the worst.
bexy: the absolute worst... and impossible.
me: its happened before. that mary story haunts me. but maybe we should make some sort of pact. if either of us get knocked up the other one should try to get knocked up. then we can both have babies.
bexy: oh fun!
me: i know i am way excited. this is the best idea i have ever had.
bexy: also that way when i tell my mom and she is crying "NOOOOO WHY NOOOO" i can say "its ok. natali got pregnant so it just felt like the right thing to do."
me: yeah lets not tell my parents. hopefully they will just think i am getting fat and babysitting a lot. or i guess there is always my pretending to move out of the state plan...

this really isnt a scene out of juno because we arent 16 and we arent into adoption. well we arent into the giving end of adoption. there are some ideas regarding adoption in mormon culture that have always bothered me. for example i have encountered the general opinion that many mormons automatically assume that the motivations behind single people (or gays) adopting is selfishness whereas when married people adopt its a very giving and altruistic act. (i am assuming this attitude somehow stems from the emphasis on traditional family units but i cannot be sure of its origins). i dont think people are automatically better parents if they come in pairs.* in fact i dont understand logically how people can still buy into the belief that by virtue of being married people make better parents with so many examples of crappy parents around us who are married. my favorite part of juno was when jennifer garner's character decided to go through with the adoption on her own even though her husband split. my least favorite part was when they sang that song together at the end. anyway, i thought it was great that she adopted as a single.

*it should be noted that from my conversations regarding this matter i learned that although single parents cannot handle healthy, well adjusted children, they can effectively parent emotionally troubled or disabled and/or older children alone.
**no pacts or wills posted on this blog will be considered legally binding

if i forgive you all this

2008-03-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

i recently self diagnosed myself as a person who tries to get away with as much as i can. it was self diagnosed because A) no one has ever told me this B) i have known myself for a long time and i consider myself "self aware" C) i was reviewing the questionnaire for the MMPI and i answered yes to questions such as "i like to get away with as much as i can."

for instance i went to a hearing on wednesday. i rarely go to hearings. litigation makes me nervous. anyway despite my nervousness about the whole situation i pushed snooze on my alarm even though i knew i would be late. then i put on something that wasnt a suit even though i knew i was supposed to wear a suit. then i showed up at the court house without reviewing the file and said this: (first of all the judge asked me what the status on the case was. i was instructed to say the following so i did):

me: your honor we dont object to the motion to dismiss but we would like it to be withOUT prejudice. (i practiced the without prejudice part because with prejudice sort of just rolls off my tongue).

opposing counsel: i didnt know there was a motion to dismiss before the court. i thought we were here for a motion to show cause.

me: (in my head) shit. thats all i had.
opposing counsel: however we wouldnt oppose a motion to dismiss.
judge: fine i will dismiss the case without prejudice.

i consider that a success. other things i try to get away with include avoiding my family on holidays, only having a "vague" idea of my flight itinerary, not washing my hair for a long time and napping outside.

everything isnt a puppy you know

2008-03-21T17:12:00.001-07:00

this is my nephew. we let him eat pizza however he wants. we are pretty liberal like that. we still make him wear diapers. his parents dont plaster his picture on the internet for anyone to view so i took it upon myself to do so.

im sure glad we arent lovers

2008-03-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

i have been home sick all week. i think whatever was left of my immune system has officially given up. obviously i have been watching a helluva lot of television. to cover up the wheezing sound from my chest. my favorite show was cool hand luke.

for obvious reasons.

while i was watching all this tv i saw a lot of commercials. one was for reeses peanut butter eggs so i bought some later. which proved to be a mistake. i ate two pieces and remembered i dont really like candy. also, i almost sent myself an edible arrangement.

but i didnt.

i dont like those carl jr commercials. they stress/gross me out. maybe its the ulcers talking but eating anything featured on a carls jr. commercial is not going to digest well and will most likely end in some sort of heart attack or other health risk. brian said that carl jr commercials are marketed to the men discussed in this article and arent marketed towards me at all. but why would a food commercial ever want to gross me out?

it seems wrong.

i wanted to put up a picture of toast. the best thing about being sick is my toast station. i set it up pretty early on (its right next to the cough syrup station). i like toast. sometimes with jam and sometimes with eggs. yesterday when arlo and i were eating dinner i noticed how we started talking about beer because the group next to us was and then the table next to us started talking about alcohol because we were. sometimes conversations are contagious. sort of like bronchitis. i hope i didnt contaminate anyone.

i probably did.

cant expect anyone to see anything in a civilian

2008-03-09T19:20:00.001-07:00

sometimes blogs need pictures so i decided i would put up some pics of me and colls this weekend when she drove up from st george to do my hair.

we took this photo right after watching ANTM.

colls made me look so pretty.

so pretty.

the end.

patterns of pursuing the irrelevant

2008-03-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

i was reasonably sure that the guys that changed my oil stole my brand new green forever 21 shirt. all i knew is that i had a green shirt in my laundry basket when i went into get an oil change then when i went home it was mysteriously gone. i carefully examined chain of custody and decided the shirt disappeared at the oil change place since i was at work the rest of the time. as a victim of a crime committed by a mechanic that didnt involve my car i was really confused. alone. scared. etc. i made up a pretty elaborate story that involved the oil changer guy forgetting his girlfriend's birthday and thinking maybe she would stop withholding sexually if he had some green shirt that actually fitted someone with a freakishly long torso. his girlfriend has a freakishly long torso as well (once i went to buy a pattern for a dress and the lady at the fabric store looked me up and down and measured my torso and told me to avoid anything with a waist due to my freakishly long torso. she didnt say freakish though. she may have thought it). anyway the shirt saved their relationship.

i got home and realized i had taken another green shirt.

heba called me with a moral dilemma when i solved the green shirt mystery. i am no authority on moral dilemmas. remember how i get average grades in ethic classes. my ethics professor asked me a question once and i answered and he said "nicole i think you should rethink things." i really have been rethinking things. anyway heba wanted to know if she should remove a birds nest from the gutter because her land lady asked her to clean them out. i answered no. killing baby birds is not in anyones rental contract. i like baby birds with their chirping and their little stick homes.

other creatures i like include: elephants, kittens, camels (their knees) and kangaroos.

people tell temps everything

2008-02-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

my doctor called me nat today. i thought that was nice. some people call me nat and it sounds weird but other people say nat and its nice. he fell into the nice category.

last night i watched live free or die hard. which sometimes i call die free or live hard which makes it hard to find in blockbuster. i liked it. i spent most of the movie having a crush on trey (jonathon sadowski) and hoping he wouldnt die. i knew his odds werent great. but what can i say. the heart wants what it wants.

my boss was trying to tell me that democrats vote based on emotion and republicans and vote on logic. i guess thats how whoopi goldberg explained it anyway. i said i dont know about that because republicans vote for issues such as abortion and gay marriage on emotion. the conversation naturally went here:

boss: logically democrats should be ok with the death penalty for the mentally ill, juvenile murderers, and the mentally retarded because society would benefit. its a fortune keeping them incarcerated.
natali: we all know it costs more to appeal than incarcerate so dont even make that argument.
boss: well if they didnt get due process it would be cheaper.
natali: i think republicans secretly hate due process more than anything else. i understand. i dislike a lots of things in the constitution. but then i got to the commerce clause and it made it all better. anyway, i think thats why mitt romney said that there should be two guantanamo bays. he knows how much republicans hate due process. but its cool. i dont really believe in god given rights either.
boss: romney is a pansy for dropping out.
natali: gobama.

gobama.

my class action is going great. thanks.

2008-02-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

if someone asked me (no one has) what the best romantic-religious comedy is i would probably say untamed heart. it is also one of the best movies for jeans (that i have ever seen). it really changed how i viewed denim. marissa tomei loved super tight jeans. well her did character anyway. i doubt jeans had as much stretch back then (1993) so its pretty damn impressive. in the untamed heart christian slater was raised by nuns at an orphanage. he had a lot of faith. but probably not as much faith as the lady in this case i read recently had:

In Hancock, a church promised the plaintiff that if she gave money to the church, the church would provider her with property and support, as well as certain religious benefits, including a face-to-face meeting with Jesus Christ. It further noted that the allegations of a face-to-face meeting with Jesus Christ conflicted with First Amendment principles because that allegation was entirely religious matter beyond the courts' ability to adjudicate. Hancock v. True & Living Church of the Last Days 2005 UT App 314, ¶17 n.2.

if someone asked me (no one has) what my favorite mexican restaurant was i would say red iguana. i like to go there on sundays. today arlo and i were discussing how they never play mexican music there. arlo said its because they rely on their food to sell their authenticity. red iguana is where we came up with our idea to genetically alter kosher pigs with no hooves. i wonder what other unclean animals we could clean up with science. i just read that giraffes are technically kosher. but that seems like it might be illegal. however, we would like to provide the jewish faithful with bacon. i am pretty sure it was inspired. and unadjudicatable.

i have strong feelings for the commerce clause

2008-02-12T20:53:00.000-08:00

i have wanted to see me friend jl a lot lately. but she doesnt live here. in fact she doesnt live in this country. and i have always had a hard time calling internationally. the codes are tricky. if i miss someone enough i usually stop all contact anyway. but she doesnt know that and emailed me yesterday. excerpt:

That's not quite the word for it, but it is funnier and shorter than any other explanation....I think the grown-up world is a giant disappointment....There are relatively few decisions....It's a nice world for an indecisive little brute like me....What the hell am i doing that again for?...I was only able to understand it, though, because I've seen the movie so many times -- her diction is way above my head....I would probably be really disappointed that Elizabeth Bennett ended up with Mark Darcy and happy that Lydia landed Wickham and have no idea why it was even called Pride and Prejudice.

my attempt to respond:

did you know i am allergic to cats and dogs?
but i hate them independent of my allergy.

sometimes when i really miss people thats the best i can do.

yesterday i watched rachel ray make "comfort food." i dont know. she seemed a little down. she said that she used to work at macys and during the christmas season she worked long hours. she would come home and make soup at 1 in the morning and then put it outside her neighbors door because she was too tired to eat but she just wanted to cook something. i think maybe she is going through a secret divorce.

it snowed again today in utah. my paralegal told my boss it was because he kept praying for moisture. but he said thats not true at all and that he does his best to deplete the ozone in all the ways he can think of to increase the green house effect. he likes to help when he can.

i cant i am pregnant again

2008-02-11T21:13:00.001-08:00

this is the gnome that lives in my break room. his finger is broken. someone keeps moving him. probably a ghost because who else would bother with such a thing? i have been firmly against gnomes and elves and possibly small trolls since my cousin d. told me about the movie cats eye which was the scariest movie plot my seven-year-old mind could comprehend.

other things that scare me:
1) ghosts in general but especially ghosts of prisoners or children
2) satan
3) mirrors
4) mirrors with ghosts or satan in the reflection
5) dolls
6) needles
7) skinwalkers
8) people that pick up hitch hikers. and then kill them.
9) large groups of children
10) knives
11) strangers
12) drugs
13) strangers doing drugs
14) ghosts in my shower and ghosts i am related to
15) ebola
16) insects that are fast or burrow

blanket statements made in the ninth grade

2008-02-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

the actress who plays the ghost myrtle in harry potter who cries in the bathroom also plays a character in bridget jone's diary who cries in the bathroom. but in bridget jone's diary she isnt dead. this is just an observation and has nothing (that i know of) to do with my post.

this week i went to lunch with my parents. after our waitress took our order she sat down at a table near us occupied by a pregnant women with 2-3 young children.

waitress: so did you do the pregnancy test? (naturally i thought she meant the one that included urine and a pink plus sign).
pregnant woman: you mean the one with my wedding ring? of course.
waitress: did it turn out to be right?
pregnant woman: totally! it is a.....
mom: you are so great with kids natali. (apparently we had been having a conversation about my children skills. i am not surprised. we have been having that conversation a lot lately. but i wanted to hear more about the waitress and her attempts to figure out what sex her fetus is with her wedding ring).
natali: (begrudgingly) i really dont think i am that good with kids. i wish you would stop circulating family rumors that i am fantastic with children. people might start asking me to babysit...
mom: nonsense you are SO good with children. you love children. you are going to be so cute with your kids.
natali: love seems like a strong word for my feelings about most children. mostly i am glad i am not that lady. she has like three kids under 3 and she is pregnant again. i am overwhelmed by her diaper bag situation sans children. but i do admire how with the advent of sonograms she still utilizes the "ring" test.

(i am not above the ring test. i just believe in gender neutral baby clothing so i probably wont find out.)

speaking of kids my friend greg came into town. i have only hung out with him one other time. i think i really impressed him with my kid skills. we were playing uno at his house in california and his friend's six year old was there. it was the uno championship game and i could have thrown the whole thing and let the kid win because he was pretty close and he really wanted to. you know how kids love that stuff. but instead i laid down my green 4 and i think said "sucka" or something like that.

i was just hoping you would invite me to a sweat lodge

2008-02-04T18:38:00.001-08:00

there are some things i wont spend money on. it stems from my childhood. i dont need therapy to figure that out. my dad didnt make alot of money and my mom insisted on that whole stay at home thing (i think our relationship would have improved if she had a full time job that wasnt me). anyway we only recently stopped asking my dad if we can order a soda when we go out to eat.

back to therapy. if you like to read about therapy try love's executioner. its one of my favorite books. and if you want to watch a good movie about therapy try sybil. its one of my favorite movies. however, even though i can barely pull myself out of bed and do anything productive (my crafting life is really suffering) because its 17 degrees i would never do a thing about it because therapy falls squarely into the category of things i would never pay money for.

so imagine my surprise when i got a letter from the utah bar that said they would pay for therapy if any attorney wanted to go. for as long as you want. for the following issues: family problems, stress, depression, anxiety, personal cash management difficulties, elder care challenges, assessment of drug/alcohol dependence, and any other issues impairing my work or personal life. and i know they are just doing it because they are afraid i will burn out and quit the profession and they will lose money. but i dont care. because i get free therapy.

but i dont know if i will go. it seems like too much work.

the way she said babe made me sad

2008-01-31T18:19:00.000-08:00

i love the brothers. one more than the other but its like a barely more sort of thing.

they want to win the effing amazing race so they can stop working. its a noble goal. the old american dream was to get a job and work your way up. the new american dream is to try and not work and still be up. anyway it got me thinking about what i do everyday.

today:

alarm. pushed snooze. pushed snooze. pushed snooze.
put on a sweater vest.
drove for an hour and a half (car accident)(not me)(yet).
went to the state hospital for mental health commitment hearings.

how are the voices?
they are out level 4. i can live with that.

went to costco to buy my boss a birthday cake. he likes carrot. gross. texted fight to ask him if chocolate cake is ok even though carrot is the birthday boy's preference.

"its about celebrating the occasion and eating chocolate cake"

bought the chocolate cake. went to birthday party. office coffee crisis ensued:

boss: we have a coffee situation. the coffee smell is really strong. its like i am in juice and java.
natali: yeah i thought someone had come into my office and had a cup or pot or whatever the largest amount of coffee possible is yesterday.
paralegal 1: the new guy makes it very strong and often.
boss: what can be done? firing all the coffee drinkers seems extreme (but legal). can we buy some sort of anti odor coffee maker?
paralegal 2: oh yes bishop (my boss just got called as bishop) i would like to see you buying a new coffee maker.
boss: yes that would be frowned on...natali can buy it. she is liberal.
natali: i just googled it. they dont make them.
boss: i read a study that said if you drink coffee your chance of miscarriage goes way up.
file clerk: yeah and if you have an abortion your chance of having a premature baby goes up. having an abortion affects not one but two babies.
paralegal 2: that sounds like a bumper sticker.
natali: i hate bumper stickers.
boss: i am just saying maybe Joseph Smith was onto something...

you are calling about that subpoena?
yes. long pause.
you have a question?
yes. long pause.
please ask the question already.

played scrabble. checked blog, played scrabble.

long conversation about hate speech legislation and how i think the ACLU is intellectually dishonest. but who isnt.

scrabble.

lawyer in office: natali how are you on ethics?
natali: this seems like a trick question. but i got a B.

things we said on the way to a restaurant

2008-01-29T20:44:00.001-08:00

i called my parents on sunday. i have sort of been avoiding them since christmas eve when i realized i could get away with things like not seeing them.

dad: hello how are you??? (i could actually hear three question marks)
natali: good. you?
dad: good is it snowing up there?
natali: no. (this is normally where i hang up but i really hung in there).
dad: so your new jeans came in the mail.
natali: do you like them?
dad: well from what i can tell they have really fancy pockets. i think i like them. those are some fancy pockets.
natali: i am really into fancy pockets. and horses.
dad: hmmm. (this is normally where he would hang up but he hung in there too).
natali: so how is mom?
dad: she had an allergy attack in relief society. someone must of had dog fur on their clothes.
natali: put her on the phone...mom i heard you had an allergy attack in relief society.
mom: it was horrible. its nice to hear your voice.
natali: thanks mom. ok i am going love you bye.
mom: love you bye.

confessional or something that resembles it

2008-01-25T19:41:00.000-08:00

i might love ct.

i love ct.

bootleggers prefers to be called pirates. pirates dont have a preference. (more of an observation).

i have started to think things such as "if only life was like star trek and they had those healing zapper things and i could drink diet coke again."

i drink diet coke again.

"i bought more fabric. dont be mad."

i would rather kill mice than work with people. maybe not frogs. but i would be willing to try.

sometimes i get nervous to walk in memory grove because mark hacking said his wife went jogging there and never came back.

ps

2008-01-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

did anyone else have a panic attack when heath ledger died? and not the OMG heath ledger died what a hunk kind but the more like the 9-11 of OMG anyone can die at anytime sort of panic attack? i sort of did. and you worry that you lived your whole life wrong and that you made ridiculous choices and that you could have been a better at a long list of things.

anyway, if you call in sick the next day it really helps.

i use sex as an icebreaker

2008-01-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

so three people at work asked about my long weekend. the conversation went something like this...what did you do? sew? and me saying i do other shit. and yes.

when i woke up to the snow i knew i would stay in all day in my new bunny sweats that say whatever!, putter around the internet, and maybe sew something. anyway i looked at the closet and knew i had to do something. not finish the quilt hanging up there but instead i decided to make a new door. so i took out the plastic one (and i have the blisters to prove it) and sewed this one. (i didnt sew all those pieces together. that would have taken much longer than 29 minutes).

and here is a close up.

and then i made these matching curtains. i managed to finish these projects while watching karate kid I, II, and III. what i am trying to say is it was a great holiday.

ignoring whatever survival instincts i still have

2008-01-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

when i was little (pre literacy) my favorite book was about an apartment building and the people that lived in each apartment. i asked my dad to check it out everytime he went to the library. even back then i just wanted to read the same books over and over. i liked how the occupants of the apartment building (they were all animals) lived together and understood each others living patterns. i was very curious about things you could learn about another person/family based solely on proximity. (for the record i didnt know the word proximity yet but i loved to look at the illustration of all the different apartments and who lived where and who did what and how that affected everyone else). my family just lived in a regular house. we lacked the intimacy with strangers that you can only gain through apartment living.

in my apartment building #4 likes country music, #6 smokes stinky pot ( alot of stinky pot), #1 has a dog, #12 has had sex at least once this year (actually it was twice but same night) and #13 likes korean food. anyway, these are just things i know because we all live really close to each other. #8 is my favorite. i know him because he is always outside smoking so we chat. he is friendly. which is probably why he made a good chauffeur. anyway i ran into him the other day while he was getting his mail.

#8: hey how are you doing?
natali: good. i noticed that your escalade is gone. are you still a chauffeur?
#8: well no i quit.
natali: oh no way. why?
#8: oh well maybe i got fired...some clients didnt like what i had to say.
natali: what did you say? (i realize now this is none of my business. i didnt realize that at the time).
#8: well there was a client who hates mormons, especially missionaries. i picked him put last week and he started going off about mormons...

client:i hate missionaries. i mean what are they even thinking? especially senior missionaries, they should be enjoying the best time of their lives not on missions.
#8: my parents are in the MTC right now actually.
client: your parents are f*$&ing idiots.
#8: f*#& you. suck dick. f*$&# you.

#8: so he called my boss and i got fired.
natali: what a jerk. im sorry.
#8: its ok. that job made it impossible to sleep.
natali: tell me about it. apparently after six months of heavily using ambien i built up something of a tolerance to all forms of sleep aids....

my mom always said in small towns you dont "live on top of each other" which is how she describes city living. its funny. i kind of like living on top of each other.

saving myself and the movie

2008-01-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

i dont participate in the interactive church meetings too often. i end up changing my mind about positions a lot and/or worrying about how my opinions will go over. plus i get nervous. instead i focus on improving my suduko skills and playing MASH. however, a couple of weeks ago i offered to read because my row (you know who you are) was being particularly noisy and i was guilted into volunteering. anyway this was the verse i read:

"Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds." Revelation 2:22.

i left out them and maybe that. which made me think God was threatening to commit adultery with Jezebel (she was the women in the scripture) if people didnt repent. for five minutes i reevaluated my entire concept of God and almost changed my mind about the whole damn thing.

i mean its such an honor

2008-01-13T17:24:00.001-08:00

i finished another quilt. this one is for my friend colls. for her birthday. last october.

its a pin wheel design.

they bonded right away.

although i like this quilt a lot it is not my greatest achievement of late. i dont know if you knew (i didnt until sugarcube informed me) that my profile on the linkup is (approximately) 71 on the most viewed profiles ever list. i mean we are talking linkup history (maybe i have no idea how this works). currently my views are at 7164. while watching magnolia with clay i went up 6 views and managed to pass leesy. i am convinced its because i talk about jimmy carter.

overcast, 50% chance of rain

2008-01-11T16:16:00.001-08:00

i think weddings are a trick. i would love to be able to elope. mostly because i dont want to deal with all the hurt feelings and disappointment and expectations and planning that weddings are guaranteed to produce. anyway when i picture my perfect wedding i think it would be nice to have a couple of friends to watch (you have to have witnesses) and my dress is knee length and my family isnt there. i dont want a big wedding. but if i invite my parents i have to invite my siblings. and if i invite my siblings i have to invite my aunts and uncles. and then if they come the cousins will be there. and if my cousins are there friends from out of state will start coming. there is no stopping it.

anyway i was discussing my elopement plans with cicada* and i asked her to make me wedding announcements about my ideal wedding. i love them.

*if you are in the market for wedding announcements i recommend cicada. she is fantastic. she will take out the skulls if you want. but why would you want to?

its hard for a young girl living in a haunted house

2008-01-08T20:21:00.000-08:00

for awhile i hoped my camera was haunted but i think it was because i was reading a lot of toni morrison. i like ghosts stories. once i was dating someone and he said he had the best ghost story but wouldnt tell me. he said the circumstances had to be right or some bull shit. obviously i am glad we broke up.

where was i. oh yes hillary clinton. i dont really care about the presidential election for more reasons than i care to list. i do like the sounds of president huckabee. in that i like the actual sound. so far huckabees name is my favorite thing about the presidential race. but i did think this was interesting. i wrote a paper once about women in politics. i cant remember what the title was. i hope it was catchier than women in politics. anyway it compared esther, queen elizabeth I and hillary clinton (i briefly considered pocahontas) and their influences in the political sphere. my premise was that women affected politics through sexual activity (by either having it or not having it), marriage (by not being married or marrying political figures), appearance (reflective of virginity and/or sexuality) and by the portrayal of traditional female or male characteristics. sometimes both but always extremes. basically, a model for female politicians is still being ironed out. or i guess an acceptable model. although hillary clinton briefly teared up during an interview i doubt it was an indicator of her ability to successfully manage a country or that she was on her period.

i am not sure what i would label as the feminist agenda (mostly i doubt you can label it). my boss (who gets a lot of play on this blog) proffered that it measured a womans success by her ability to distance herself from feelings, behavior and attitudes traditionally held or encouraged in women and adapt more "male" feelings, behaviors and attitudes. i told him i found this idea offensive and at its core anti-feminist. this theory was also endorsed by some of my female professors in law school. they encouraged us to never wear pink and try to learn how to golf. screw that. how is succeeding as a woman mimicking a man?

what i am trying to say is i bet somewhere out there tonight mitt romney is bawling his eyes out.

lets step into the shadows and talk

2008-01-02T17:20:00.000-08:00

i think i might move to mexico. actually a more accurate statement is i might vacation there and just never come back. i figure mexicans do it all the time in the US and i dont mind one bit. not that my immigration policy opinion matters much. anyway you might not think i am capable of being that irresponsible. but i am really working my way to it. for example, over christmas i just took time off work. i didnt ask for vacation days or even inform my boss. i simply did not show up for a week and a half. did i get fired you ask? no i got a raise. it was like a scene out of office space without the flair. back to my raise. with all my new income i am going to mexico. in my head its sunny all the time and everyone is friendly and gives me fish tacos.

the paralegal who is always trying to peer pressure me into drinking coffee showed me a new tattoo she got over the holiday. i didnt care for it. but it reminded me of a funny story. but first a less funny story:

paralegal: i like those jeans. (to me)
natali: thanks. i lost some weight so it bothers me that they arent tighter. i like tight jeans.
paralegal: those are FMN jeans.
natali: is this some brand i dont know about?
paralegal: no they are "F*** me now" jeans.
natali: what i didnt quite hear you...
paralegal: F***me now jeans.
natali: F*** me now jeans?

and that was how i was tricked by the paralegal into saying the F*** word. i have never said it once. i guess i should say had. now you might ask how that is possible with the amount of rated R movies i view. its barely possible. but i dont say it. i am swears selective. i think its a mean and potentially derogatory word. also people so rarely use it right. those are just my personal feelings towards F***. they are subject to change. but it brings me to this funny story.

i had just given the same paralegal some fudge for the holidays. she said she liked it. shortly after we both happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. she was in stall one and i was in stall two.

paralegal: so i have a new F*** buddy.
natali: (did she say fudge buddy? am i her fudge buddy? do i have to give her more fudge?)
paralegal: anyway the sex is fantastic.
natali: (does she always mumble F*** or should i have my hearing checked. what a relief we are not fudge buddies. or F*** buddies for that matter). really that is...fun?
paralegal: way fun.

i know what you are saying. arent you taking a break from the blog because you want to really think about it and revamp it and shit. i thought about it and all that seemed too hard for me during the season of the year where getting out of bed seems ambitious.

what are the odds of them leaving you on new years

2007-12-31T22:12:00.000-08:00

well hello. i am taking a bit of the a break from the blog. hard to tell for how long but who knows maybe it will be better than ever when its back.

brb.

sort of makes you want to reproduce doesnt it

2007-12-30T23:01:00.001-08:00

ok here is my most recent competed quilt. i made it for a friend who is having a baby girl. it was probably the first quilt i actually designed myself.

here is the front and back.

front.

and back.

you arent to be trusted with your own love life

2007-12-28T19:08:00.001-08:00

we have christmas pudding. its pretty good. and i got a bedazzler.

dougie got these t shirts for christmas. they are japanese illustrations of scientific principles. the green one is significantly harder. i didnt get it. even when i learned what it was. go ahead and guess its fun. (dougie and i think the red one might also be an illustration about heaven).

i think i have seen a movie everyday of this christmas break. sunday i watched bad santa with fight and brian. it was a good feel holiday movie. on christmas eve i watched charlie wilsons war with dougie. we liked it. i think its worth seeing. dougie hasnt seen no country for old men and somehow almost talked me into going with him. i considered it but then i remembered it scared the hell out of me. on christmas i went to the golden compass with my little brother. i liked it. i like those demons. they are cute. i wish i had a demon. yesterday i watched ratatouille with dougie and his parents. um i liked it. when i wasnt dry heaving. rats in the kitchen...i dont care how good of cooks they are that just cant be sanitary ... thursday was sweeny todd and it was the best musical i have seen in a long time. and today bexy and i saw juno. what a treat. we are trying to decide if our parents would be more upset if we got knocked up in high school or now. i think now for sure. but thank goodness i have my plan which of course is to pretend to move to another state and never speak to them again in the event i reproduce out of wedlock.

i guess you will have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself

2007-12-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

i have been watching movies since the holiday break started. its only been two days. i watched atonement first. i am going to discuss the plot of it starting NOW for those of you who dont like to know what happens in movies. quite frankly i would have liked to know the plot of no country for old men before i began watching it but everyone is different. atonement is a pretty movie and the highlight was kera knightleys wardrobe. the plot summary is this:

rich girls shuns hired help boy her whole life
hired help boy sends rich girl a note about her genitalia
rich girl and hired help boy have sex in the library and the rich girls rich little sister walks in on them.

the rest of the plot is so boring i am not even going to write about it. it was around that point i wished we had gone to margot at the wedding.

so margot at the wedding was the next day. i went with clay and becky. clay hated it becky mostly didnt like it and i liked it. becky said she was wishing she was in juno the whole time. who wasnt? teenage sex/pregnancy is so glamorous these days. anyway my favorite line was i wouldnt let anyone else hold you as a baby, i am starting to think that might have been a mistake. actually, the mistake was allowing the movie to become so over the top that you started to hate everyone/thing in it. and then the hate seeped over to other people in the theater and eventually humanity in general. anyway it was pretty good.

today in church sugarcube left early and as a christmas present to himself. i asked if that was what he was giving Jesus. he said no. i dont know what i am getting Jesus this year. i will probably just wait and see what he gets me.

i am trying to decide if that last sentence pushed the line of sacrilege i normally try not to cross. i am also trying to decide if i can get out of spending christmas eve with my family. and finally i am trying to decide what to do with my $25 settlement i received from being in the class action law suit for my credit card usage in england six years ago.

some say the world will end in fire

2007-12-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

my great aunt is refusing hawaii and alaska quarters. my parents were with her when she made this declaration. the conversation (supposedly) went as follows:

mom (mine): i love collecting state quarters (she is very close to having them all).
great aunt: i am done.
mom: but you dont have alaska or hawaii
great aunt: (apparently made a motion of disgust with her hand) they dont count.
dad (mine): hawaii was made a state in 1898 (this is true) and alaska...sometime after that (you can tell he is a teacher with a diplomatic personality).
mom: they ARE states. dont be silly. (my mother is incredibly loyal, patriotic and a little dismissive).
great aunt: i dont need them. (i assume at this point she started grumbling about fat people. that wasnt confirmed but it is more or less a given).

ECLIPSE SPOILER ALERT

its hard to have to choose between a controlling/withholding vampire and an immature/sexually assaulting werewolf. but lets just say i will be sporting a TEAM JACOB t-shirt as soon as they become available.

END OF SPOILER

i have been carbonation free for three days (although in the spirit of blog honesty i am drinking the last diet squirt in my fridge as i write this). i am miserable. i dont know how to make this better. brian said to get a new addiction(s) but that is easier said than done. i was so happy with carbonation. i know we had some problems. it was rotting off my enamel. probably depleting my calcium. oh yes and irritating the hell out of those holes in my stomach. but i will be damned if i dont think about drinking carbonation all the time. for the love no one offer me drugs.

i prefer to give inhabitants a say

2007-12-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

my boss recently told me the secret to dating was faking an interest in sports. in fact faking all your interests. i said i had been taking a similar approach only i fake having no interests. really all that is important is that you fake something.

my friend fight was recently wrong about my interests lately. we were texting about nicknames and dr. knife. he said dr. knife sang songs about wanting to be the new satan and killed God and hung out with the old satan and how i would like it. when i didnt respond for awhile (because i was at lunch arguing with shane about whether i hate everything he loves) fight sent me a reassuring text that it is just music and none of that stuff really happened.

i am really interested in quilting. but its boring to talk about. unless you are in my quilt class. the conversation last week went something like this:

49 year old lady in my quilting class (resembles betty crocker): my boss is very uptight about driving with me alone. he said is improper.
65 year old quilting instructor: what does he think will happen?
49: i am not sure should i be offended? natali does this ever happen to you?
natali: sure. its part of the reason why women attorneys have a hard time advancing in their careers. male partners wont take them to lunch or golf because they think it will look inappropriate. does anyone have any more of that red material?
49: well i dont like it very much. i am not sure why he is so uptight.
65: sounds like what he needs is a blow job.
49: seriously it would do him a world of good.
natali: about that red material...

its always been wait and see

2007-12-03T21:07:00.001-08:00

there arent enough crafts in the world.

(or sprinkles).

and if you cant show us the way forgive us for being lost

2007-11-29T21:51:00.000-08:00

my boss told me today that he believes anything dr. laura says without even thinking about it. i told him if he did think about it he was realize everything she said was sexist. we then debated how sexist dr. laura is. to be fair i know almost nothing about dr. laura. i have never read a thing she has written or heard her show. there was a time (2005) that i passionately discussed a couple of books like i had read them (they were all about social reform... i think) and i am afraid i am falling back into old habits. but come on. she wrote a book called the proper care and feeding of husbands. i extrapolated from the title that the book encourages women to be subordinate domestic servants to their husbands catering to their every emotional and physical need.

speaking of traditional marriage. i wonder if God really is married. my friend breena showed me this post. when i do think about heavenly mother i find it a little unsettling. she is definitely an absentee parent. but maybe she has her own goals that she is pursuing. i understand. but i can say catholicism appeals to me because they have so many women role models in their religion. mother mary is pretty great. you pray to her and she helps you. and then a whole bunch of women saints who are bettering themselves and their community. that and i like the candles.

no one wants to be e

2007-11-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

i like stories. i think they are telling. get it. anyway i dont care much about interests. what do interests tell you. nothing i care about. but stories can tell 1) what external factors have shaped people 2) how they interpreted their experiences and 3) their underlying and perhaps unconscious views about life and coping mechanisms. that is why i think dating should be almost comprised of story telling. that and making out.

in mormonism you have testimony meetings. which is a once a month sort of thing where anyone in the congregation can stand up and bear testimony about God and stuff. it seems that recently the approach to testimonies has been to state things you know. i dislike this approach. i dont think knowing is really all that important. i think its nice when people can relate personal experiences that reflect their interactions with God or even what they think might be their interactions with God. i like the idea and concept of people who want to believe congregating and sharing stories. i recently read an article regarding testimonies. the author described how telling spiritual experiences in testimonies helps the congregation self identify "in a powerful, binding ritual of narrative-based testimony"and that this is important and meaningful because the fact that God "interacts with us, even in the slightest way, creates an underlying relevance to the story we tell." Tessa Meyer Santiago, Telling our Stories of Jesus: the Necessary Narrative, The Clark Memorandum Fall Edition 2007, 31-35. she believes that testifying only using declarative statements such as i know "encourages a uniformity of form but a lack of substance." i agree. the importance in relating any spiritual experience is not to testify regarding knowledge (in fact testifying strictly regarding spiritual knowledge is too limiting) but instead to relate experiences or feelings that persuade you to feel a certain way and unite you to the group. describing your love for you family or the death of a friend or a nice sunset or sin may be your testimony that there is a God. the religious community is not dependent on status or class but instead on relating these religious experiences. as society and individuals change the narrative(s) changes. but the value is in documenting the story. the faith, the apostasy, the repentance, the discouragement and the hope is just part of the narrative. thus, all testimony should be accepted without regard if it is weak, circumstantial, unsure or perhaps even insincere. these testimonies are valid since they are reflections of what the person and society is experiencing. the best testimony i have personally heard came from a man born in china who i could barely understand. the second one was from a middle aged women whose cats died.

if this is communication

2007-11-14T20:01:00.001-08:00

natali: ...i thought my mom would be way more upset.
boss: oh well you are already a huge disappointment. it cant get worse.
natali: how so?
boss: you are an older single mormon woman who is an attorney.
natali: i see your point.

dad (via text): how are you?
natali: good thanks. how are you?
dad: my neck hurt so i took 2 ibup. mom is tired. trevor is fine.

cicada (via IM): Sometimes when I see and interact with our parents, I really wonder where you came from.
me: how so?
cicada: I just don't see you in either of them. Maybe I have to interact with George more. Like, I think it was especially your mom at the reception. Just talking to her. I was like, "Natali? Are you in there? Nope!"

jesse (via email):Even if everything is going well I'd like to hear from you. Also, feel free to add this e-mail address to your contact list so you can reach us with any questions you may have in the future.
natali: you want to hear from me and you are saying we have a future? (in my head. actual reply). thanks everything is going well.

with as skinny as you are you are going to have to eat tomorrow

2007-11-10T22:49:00.001-08:00

so today i woke up thinking something was wrong. like someone just told me bad news but no one did. then i read my horoscope which said this:

A stronger sense of nervousness can guide you towards greater caution, Natali.

what the hell? if there is one thing i do not need its a stronger sense of nervousness what with my recent ulcer diagnosis.

i think the following things have contributed to the ominous feeling:

1) that movie i watched about corruption in brazil that made me lose my faith in humanity
2) the fact that i thought i might get fired because i got a piercing and lost so much time working because of said ulcer and maybe because i suck at my job (recently i discussed with reno should never agree to working on weekends. it went like this)

3:28 PM me: oh you should take lessons from me
i am barely employable
reno:
i can't picture you at work
is that weird?
dave and i were actually talking about it
me: what?
reno: he was like... do you think natali's funny at work?

or do you think she has to be serious all the time

if playing scrabble and writing memos is funny then i am a hoot. my paralegal is way funnier than i am. i have been writing down every way she uses the f word in case i have time to write a book about paralegal humor.
3) its not the weather. the weather makes me really happy.
4) it may have been the moon. arent peoples moods affected by the moon. that might just be menstrual cycles. which in turn affects your mood.
5) ANTM was particularly creepy. we thought heather might be dying. or turning into a vampire.

(also i had a really nice birthday. ck came into town and tried to find me a booty call. she did a pretty good job. her picks included the 19 year old kid at the pizza place by my house (although i did take a picture of him serving alcohol in case i ever have to prove to the cops i thought he was 21)(i dont) and jesse the piercer. who is surprising cute and nice for someone who likes to put needles through other people).

men are afraid women will laugh at them. women are afraid men will kill them.

2007-10-29T17:51:00.001-07:00

ok so i am wearing the same keds as this girl at a concert (band unknown) (by me) (photography complimentary of reno). i am just wondering who wore them better?

what else has been on my mind lately you ask? the following thoughts:

it is impossible for me to feel badly for cable companies because people manage to steal cable. i wish daily i could steal cable and internet. dont get me wrong cable companies are not like walmart or insurance companies or anything. but its hard to feel bad for corporations. i analyzed their ad campaign. their best commercial is clearly the one where one guy turns in this jerk at his work because he made fun of his balding head. i dont understand you are a bad person because you get free HBO approach but i do understand not liking someone and ratting them out. so the moral approach is kind of offensive because lets face it corporations are not exactly shining examples of good behavior. however, i think i am ok with the revenge/spite campaign.

when will i be able to buy these jeans?

for awhile i thought it was ok to oppose gay marriage on religious grounds. i have since backed away from that and now believe that an individual can personally have the belief that gay marriage and gayness and all that stuff is immoral but to actively oppose it is wrong and discriminatory. that being said i also thought today that i wish hipsters couldnt get married. i am not sure why i care if hipsters get married. in fact i am sure its fine if they do. its a weird thought to have. somehow i think it stems from my disdain for hipsters but i dont really see the connection to marriage.

ever since i cut my hair i have been preoccupied with the idea of kissing a boy who has longer hair than i do. and then i wonder...is that what boys are thinking when they kiss girls with long hair?

we can discuss the human genome project later

2007-10-17T20:36:00.001-07:00

sometimes when you are cleaning out your bathroom drawer at your moms house (no no this isnt from my stint of living with my parents in the spring, this is from highschool) you end up throwing a lot of stuff away. like old makeup and crusty toothpaste. but what about old teeth molds. at first i thought for sure its a throw away. but then i decided, hey what if i am in a fire and they cant identify my body and they need my dental records (and somehow my dentist loses my records. maybe in a fire. how ironic). so i decided they are keepers. because identifying my charred body ranks high on my list of things i want to happen. when i am dead.

speaking of death, mine, i have been meaning to write an online holographic will. i am not sure its legal. i am leaning towards no. here it goes...

bookshelf: cicada because i know how you love wallpapered bookshelves.
armoire: shane. he said it was cute. and it has lace curtains. he wins.
butterfly chair: lisa, because i know how much you like butterflys.
small purple painting collection: colls. you love purple. and paintings.
quilts: go to my cousins. the ones i liked (you know who you are).
mirrors (both): go to becky. because you are so pretty.
kitchen stuff (including the pan that says NATALI): gavin because he likes to cook casseroles.
jeans: janelle. you will need to hem them but they should fit.
fabric: cicada, will you name a purse after me?
dryer: sugarcube, you have a truck so it will be easy for you to move.
alito judicial nomination tickets: brian (i think you can sell them on ebay) and for some reason i think they are worth alot of money. oh and you can have my car. you will need to get that registered.
the antique chair: lisa, because i know how much you like morrises. (get it)
my old records book: reno. you liked how it was date stamped in like 1918. its a great year.
wooden noah ark: jessica, i know how much she likes floods and animals
my homework i saved (including book reports, drawings and poetry): my mom. she has been trying to throw it away. and now she finally can.
my jewelry: rose, she has had her eye on the italian ring since well italy.
books: tanya, if you want them. if not give them to brian. maybe he would trade you the books for the alito tickets. but dont ask me. i am out of this.
shoes: its strange but i want to give those to me.

winter clothing: jamie, because you are the only person who is consistently colder than i am

my laptop: arlo, because you will love her more than me. not more than you loved me. but you will love the computer more than i loved her. or maybe it was the other way...
my cellphone: bean, you love technology. and you are one.

my J-lo hoop earrings and my legal books, to breena. you are a fashion icon. and a feminist. what fun.

shoes twins and leftover salad

2007-10-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes tanya and i have twinner moccasins. only sometimes. sometimes people email me poems. i love poems. i love emails. i love poem emails. here is the latest one i received:

why was tigger looking in the potty?

he was looking for poo. (h)

and today

i was looking for you

mama you weren't online

i was sad

you didn't have time

but i wanted to tell you about

my day

my lunch a leftover cafe rio salad

how i am sad alan is married

and has sex with someone else

but it's blowing over

my pinky toenail fell off

and i am seeing "hairspray tonight"

sometimes my aunt and i have twinner keds. i wish we had the same size of shoes so we could share.

therefore, LDS women should be the best homemakers in the world

2007-10-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

i watched conference. i like conference. mostly because it is a really close to an idea i am workshopping called "home church" which i am going to have with my kids. church is too long an boring and germ infested for children. i also like conference because i can listen to the tv while i clean and sew. which fortunately is right in line with what i should be doing as a woman. but if i could make conference even better this is what i would change:

1) no saturday session. (i did the math that is 8-10 (gender dependant) hours. church should be 1.5 hours a week. i am good until mid-november)

2) i would like if there were less prayers and singing. and i wish more/any women prayed. or in the alternative random volunteers from the congregation. (small children would be great).

3) i would give an arm and a leg oh what the hell two legs for a talk from a woman or about women were the word mother is never mentioned. men get all sorts of talks where the word father is never mentioned. but say the general relief society president does give a talk on women where she says things like no amount of education makes up for not being able to clean your house and then a picture of a women windexing her windows comes up on the screen it is safe to say i will shit a brick.

4) more talks on Jesus and king benjamin. they are my favorite.

5) more talks on diversity in mormon homes.

7) Chieko Okazaki should always speak. she gives the best quilting metaphors. For example:

"but all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other. Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order. Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity. All of us face different family circumstances and home situations. All of us need strength in dealing with them. This strength comes from faith in the Savior’s love and in the power of his atonement. If we trustingly put our hand in the Savior’s, we can claim the promise of the sacramental prayer to always have his Spirit with us. All problems are manageable with that strength, and all other problems are secondary in urgency to maintaining a strong spiritual life.” –Chieko Okazaki, General Conference 1993

8) more talks on preach my gospel because they are easy to nap to.

9) more talks on outer space.

computers are about murdering you in a lake

2007-10-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

i was wrong about the next pope but i was right about Henry B. Eyring. and thats all that matters. because i bet on that one.

you are charming on drugs

2007-09-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

its americas next top model cycle 9. and i am excited about that. i am torn about loving it so much and my self hatred for loving it so much. i choose loving it so much. i think its ridiculous how they judge and how its promoting unhealthy body image and i shouldnt be supportive of tyra banks in any capacity. but i am a ANTM junkie. i have watched every episode twice. that being said i like to watch things twice.

and here are my favorites: chantel, lisa, victoria, heather and saliesha. i think chantel will take it. but i really want heather to win. and its not just because she has aspergers syndrome. although it makes her very endearing. she is so awkward. but thats ok because fashion "is all about being uncomfortable" i learned that tonight. i also learned how to make a felt hippo.

trya is going green. oh and she is against smoking. the girls have a smoke free model competition ahead. i am sure they can photo shop out the nicotine patches...

and i made this quilt at fhe. i havent been to fhe since i lived in london and my danish fhe dad showed a video of nude beaches in denmark. what i am trying to say is i knew no fhe could ever top topless fhe so i promptly stopped attending. but i went last week so i could quilt. sure the stripes arent even. thats artistic right?

vampires like it windy

2007-09-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

it was only recently i realized my mom wanted me to marry my little brother (to be fair i am sure its subconscious). it was the same day i realized i probably dont have a ghost. actually both those things happened today.

i thought i had a ghost. its a long story (its short but you the reader wouldnt think i had a ghost if i told you so i am not even going to bother telling you why i thought my apartment was haunted lets just say for 4 days i was sure it was). i never talked to the ghost but i talked about it on the phone in my apartment so i figured it knew how i felt about it living there. its passive aggressive i know and i feel kind of bad about that. but now that i dont think i have a ghost i feel less bad.

speaking of passive aggressive my mom has decided that i am not married because her friend thinks i am too picky. she said her temple friend sui ying thought that was why i wasnt married (for the record i have never met sui ying). my guess is my mom thinks i am too picky. the conversation went like this:

mom: sui ying thinks you are being too picky
me: huh.
mom: you need to give boys a chance. say he is 5'8'' to 5'10'' that doesnt mean you cant date.
me: i am sorry. i will try to be more tolerant of that height range.
mom: i dont know and he could be 26. just because he is only 26 doesnt mean you shouldnt date him.
me: (in my head: what in the world)
mom: and he can be shy. give the shy boys a chance.
me: are you talking about trevor (my little brother)
trevor: kind of sounds like she is
natali: i dont think we should get married (to trevor)
trevor: i did check you out once. but i didnt know it was you. but i did think you were cute.
natali: thanks.

if you live in calcutta you are bound to have a fifty year crisis of faith

2007-09-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

bugs scare me. a lot. i know they arent really out to get me, not all of them anyway (some in australia are) so i shouldnt hate them but i do. especially furry-fast ones. there is a furry-fast one in this bowl underneath my gender and law theory, doctrine, commentary book and just in case that wasnt heavy enough criminal law and its processes. what does that even mean processes. i think thats a fancy word for how to get in and out of prison.
anyway i cant kill bugs it requires me getting too close. i dont mind catching them though. well that is a lie. i had to call my dad who talked me through the whole process(es?). the conversation went like this:

7:12 am
dad: what is going on
me: there is a bug in my room. its furry and fast. (mildly hysterical)
dad: what would you like me to do about it?
me: i dont know. fix it?
dad: i live 57 miles away
me: so what do i do?
dad: kill it with your shoe
me: i cant kill them it requires getting too close
dad: put something over it. then you can throw it outside.
me: can you do that?
dad: we went over this.
me: i dont think i can do it
dad: ummmm i dont know what to tell you.
me: oh i did it. i gotta go. i am late for work. love you bye
dad: love you too bye

(if anyone wants to know the ending of this story the feminism book killed the spider. i guess sort of like its killing traditional families. that and gay people)

my dad is so nice. i really like him. i was thinking about it when i saw a rainbow today. rainbows remind me of Gods promise that He will never flood the earth again. (not sure where i got that). i dont really understand the first flood and i dont know if i believe in that whole noah story. but thats ok because i dont think you have to believe in the noah story to believe in God and like rainbows. which is what i do. i mean it could be true. i am cool either way. anyway it reminded me how nice mine own dad was. for instance, when i got into my car today after work i found this polident on my car seat. at first i was confused. but then i remembered i asked my dad to bring my mouth guard over if he was in the area (my dentist said i dont have any cavities but thats probably because i grind them off. ok he didnt say that is why i dont have cavities. its probably because i floss) anyway my dad brought me my mouth guard and threw in some polident. thanks to my dad my mouth guards will taste like triple mint fresh in just three minutes. not grinding my teeth never tasted so good.

bottled water and sushi can only fix so much

2007-09-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

i dont know if anyone knew that my goal for july was for to get insurance. well i had two goals. but i only remember the insurance one. every so often i have a panic attack that i might have skin cancer. these panic attacks last about 48 hours. they run their course and i go back to thinking despite years of skin damage and history of skin cancer in my family i will be just fine. anyway i got insurance so that my parents can return to focusing on the fact i am not married.

for the record i hate insurance companies. i remembered how much i hated them when they denied my little brother coverage. my poor parents and their uninsured children.
anyway every so often something funny happens at my job. i take that back the paralegal at my work is always funny. i have never heard anyone swear like her. and thats a compliment. we had a deposition in our office over water rights and fruit trees (very heated topics). my boss was conducting the deposition but he told me all about it. the guy he was deposing was being an ass and not answering the questions. which can happen. so you have to keep asking the same question over and over until they get so annoyed that they answer. its a fun game. back to my story my boss asked a question and the guy says you will have to sue me to get me to answer that. and my boss looks up surprised and then hands him a pleading and says ummm i did. (i really hope this was news to him. one year into the lawsuit. he just saved himself a year of stress over the fact he was being sued). his lawyer was wearing jeans and a tshirt. perhaps his casual attire was indicative of his explanation of the legal process to his client.

venus williams was just on SVU law and order. she was a basketball player. i wonder if she gets sick of being pigeon holed as an athlete.

sick day

2007-08-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

today i called in sick to work. it was well deserved sick day. first of all i really had a bad migraine last night. and i hate my job. it was really a no brainer. while at home i decided to do some things i needed to catch up on. 1) i went to DI and bought picture frames 2) i got a parking permit for my friends so they can park on my road for more than one hour (there were some pretty good jokes made by the city employee about how any "guests" "sleeping over" would really appreciate this pass. anyway he thinks its going to revolutionize my night life. (which made me worry that i dont look like i have a night life or that it needs to be revolutionized) (i have a night life) (unless that means sex) (i wonder if i will have sex now that i have this guest parking pass) 3) i emailed byu to inquire about their maternity leave policy. in law school i took a feminism class and my professor informed me that byu didnt offer maternity leave. i was pretty upset with byu. first no caffeine on campus and now no maternity leave. maternity leave isnt listed under their many many benefits so i thought i would send an email just to make sure. here is my email. i capitalized and everything.

To whom it may concern:

I am considering applying for a job at BYU and would like to know the
maternity leave policy at BYU.

Thanks,

Natali

the response (although timely) was completely inadequate.

Hi Natali, Your e-mail was referred to me. I'm not sure exactly what your question is but would be happy to talk to you about it. Call me if you have questions.

there is always the chance BYU employees have never heard the words maternity and leave stringed together. 4) i cleaned out my fridge 5) i emailed the SBA to ask for money 6) i thought about owen wilson for awhile 7) i solidified my crush on ilan from top chef and 8) i sat in the park and read things that werent boring (in stark contrast to my job). i wish they all could be sick days.

it shouldnt be rocket

2007-08-22T23:15:00.001-07:00

so on this particular sunday colleen and margo all decided to wear pink. and take this engagement picture. the next sunday we took this picture. i am thinking of submitting them to an art show and calling them margo colleen and me on bean bags on sundays. or something to that effect. i used to have another picture along the same lines but i deleted it.

i was much tanner and blonder last summer. my friend margo(pictured above and on the right)'s little sister recently had a liver transplant. the good news is she is doing well. the bad news it cost a small fortune as any major medical (or lets face it minor medical procedure) will. margo made a website where you can donate money to the family. i told her it was a good idea. i also told her my blog gets a lot of play and i would post the link. (it was sort of a lie but i wanted to be helpful). so if you want to donate i will sweeten the deal and blog about whatever you (the donater) asks. i went to the quilt show in springville if anyone wants me to touch on that. but its whatever topic you want no pressure.

oh and i thought about it and what if jon huntsman reads my blog? anyway if he reads my blog maybe he forwarded the link to his son the governor (of utah). who is also similarly situated financially speaking. they probably get hit up for money all the time is my guess. but i decided to make a special deal to jon h. jr. that goes as follows: if you donate i will vote republican in any election of your choosing (in my jurisdiction, there will be no moving to swing states). now i am not a republican. and i dont remember the last time anything that had to do with the republican party appealed to me besides their elephant mascot. i think this is a pretty good deal. basically i will vote republican in any local government, state or presidential election of your (the governor's) choosing. just let me know.

i am always it

2007-08-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

1 jobs I've had...

1. i worked at hogi yogi when i was a freshman
2. i took over my brother's newspaper for six months inbetween brothers, back then it was a boy job
3. i worked at sears
4. i waitressed at rosas and met becky

2 movies I could watch over and over...

1. maybe superbad. i love that movie so much.

3 places I've lived...

springville, utah
provo, utah
london, england
arlington, virginia
st. george, utah
salt lake city, utah

4 favorite TV/reality shows...

colbert report and the daily show with jon stewart
law and order
everybody loves raymond
curb your enthusiasm

4 favorite places I've been...

london
jerusalem
cinca terra, italy
the grand canyon (in my head)

5. favorite foods...

1. sushi
2. gyros
3. falafel
4. tamales

6 websites I check daily...

my ebay
my blog
my gmail (is that a website)
its all about me apparently

7 hobbies I enjoy...

1. quilting
2. walking (is that a hobby?)
3. reading blogs

8 friends I tag...haha you're it!

1. oh i think i ran out of friends. my mom always said this would happen to me if i didnt get married young.

tag i'm it

2007-08-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

my friend lisa quiz tagged me. which means for those who are unfamiliar with tag and quizzes i have to take this personal quiz and put it on my blog or i will be cursed with 12 years of bad luck. incidentally tag used to stress me out a child. i had above average levels of stress as a child. let the quiz begin:

Jobs I've held...
1. i cut my grandpas hair for $20 a month (this included a complimentary eyebrow trim)
2. i was a sample girl for like three saturdays at food 4 less
3. i worked for civil rights and disability law non-profits
4. and my mom says being such a great daughter is a full time job. thanks mom. i could really use some benefits.

Movies I can watch over and over...
1. i mostly just watch them once
2. however i have watched troy over and over but i think that was because i was unemployed

My Guilty Pleasures...
1. i watch a lot of MTV and Bravo
2. i like to read dating books
3. DHing
4. garlic

TV Shows I enjoy...
1. ANTM (america's next top model)
2. Project Runway
3. Top Chef, Iron Chef and Next FoodNetwork Host
4. Extras (i realize that Extras, the only quality show, is listed last. but dont think it is last in my heart. i also realize i dont like good programming).

Places I have been on vacation...
1. Georgia/Florida
2. London
3. dinosaur land
4. i dont get out much

Favorite foods...
1. goat cheese
2. diet coke
3. cheese enchiladas
4. fondue

Awards I have won
1. as previously mentioned i won a poetry award in kindergarten or maybe it was the first grade
2. i also won the big buck award in the fourth grade for a compelling anti hunting story
3. in the eighth grade my badminton team took second in some sort of championship. but it had nothing to do with my athletic ability which is questionable but my partner who had cat like reflexes.
4. i will have to check my mom's fridge because that is where she displays any certificate/report card/etc of note

Hobbies I enjoy...
1. quilting
2. cooking
3. movie viewing
4. walking
5. making lists of my boring hobbies

Secretly, I wish I could....
1. make crafts all day long
2. nap daily
3. wink
4. go to hair school

A random thing about me...
i like to vote but only because i like the machines and stickers

all we care about is talking

2007-08-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

i woke up on monday and found this animal in my parking lot. its dead. i dont know what it is. its hard to see in this picture because it is roughly the same color as the pavement. but it has a bat like body with a long tail. shane thought it was a possum. i think the tail is all wrong and he was really dead and not just playing dead. brian thinks its a lemur and he is probably right. lemurs are endangered. i wish this one hadnt died. but it did.

i am 95% sure that there is a ghost in my apartment building. when i woke up on tuesday and left for work all the pictures on the left side of the wall were off centered but the ones of the right side of the wall were not. that is the kind of sense of humor i see a ghost having.

we forgot to have a launch party...

2007-08-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

my friend lisa and i opened an ebay store called lemonade stand vintage. please click on the link and look at the logo. i made it. i have never made a logo before. i have looked at if over 23 times today. and now that i have that scrolling gallery to the left of my blog everyone will get the chance to see lisa and i model vintage clothing. dream come true i know.

we are really excited about the store. in fact, i have decided i sort of cant have a boyfriend because i have to focus on the ebay store. i have been told this is a bad idea and perhaps my priorities are wrong. probably. but i still choose the store. and if you need a purse you should choose the store as well because how cute are these?

every fiscal quarter

2007-07-30T19:00:00.001-07:00

this is what girls night looks like up close.

and this is from two steps away.

as you can see, nothing is more contagious than good judgment.

2007-07-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

its so hot in my apartment. jeans are too hot. cooking is too hot. sleeping is out of the question. so i have been opening my door because its much cooler in the hall and i am trying to trick that cool air to come into my sweltering apartment.

but as it turns out it wasnt the air that wanted to come in. i am ok with not knowing my neighbors. there is smokey guy who i wished smoked a little farther away from my window. there is soccer player guy who i thought was a soccer player. there is the cute angsty guy who always wears black converses and glares at me when he is outside smoking. oh and then there is the player/chauffer guy who i know because he is always out smoking. basically, if you dont smoke i probably dont know if you live here.

tonight one of my neighbors knocked on my semi open door. i was a little nervous that it would look more inviting that i wanted it to. open doors have a way of being overly friendly. he asked if it was hot in my apartment. i said yes. then he asked me where i was from and what i do and if he could see my apartment which he thinks is cute. he also shook my hand. i had been flossing. so i wasnt sure what to do with the floss. i switched the floss in my hands. i hope thats appropriate. he said when he first moved in everyone used to hang out on the porch. and that the singles in the apartment arent fun anymore. i personally havent been fun for years so i feel like i fit in pretty well. anyway he said he is hoping we run into each other again.

also becky and i went to the pool today. i overheard a pretty good conversation by two little girls. i estimate ages 9 and a half. but with the way children are maturing because of growth hormones in milk they might have been 8.

girl 1: what does meghan call her grandma
girl 2: mimi
girl 1: oh yeah
girl 2: (i couldnt hear)
girl 1: so that is the scariest thing i have done. what is the scariest thing you have done
girl 2: i swam in the deep end of the pool. it was like 18 feet. (not even possible girl 2)
girl 1: once i swam in the deep end because sarah dared me so i had to
girl 2: do you smell smoke
girl 1: no (for the record i smelled smoke)
girl 2: we are probably breathing in second hand smoke. thats really dangerous.

i especially like the pink butterflys

2007-07-23T23:18:00.001-07:00

i found this chair at DI while looking for inventory for my ebay store.
she looks a little more squaty in this picture than in real life. this was the first time i became aware that furniture can also have unflattering pictures.

my eyes remain unenhanced

2007-07-20T16:04:00.001-07:00

i choose this picture because i think it really captures my freakishly small corneas. how small do you say? too small for lasik surgery. i am not a good candidate for lasik with my thin-ass corneas coupled with my bad prescription. (and by good candidate i mean candidate. i cannot get lasik). come to find out becky is in the same boat. she has corneas so thin she was warned to take extra precautions (i have been saying for years becky enough with the high eye risk activities already).
so we are considering the alternative to lasik surgery. i think it involves acid, burning your cornea, loratab eyedrops and two weeks of recovery. and by considering i mean really scared of the alternative to lasik surgery.