i do like to bedazzle....

so i got a letter from the future yesterday. it was addressed to my non-existent daughter. who is living at my parents address. does this mean i still live with my mom? this living at home thing is getting out of hand. i know its illegal but i decided to open the letter because maybe she won a sweepstakes. anyway i knew she would forgive me when she was born. and learned how to talk. and grew up and i couldnt afford to send her to college and then i would say good thing we have that sweepstakes money. that will show her. this could be the answer to my prayers. in the future.

wrong. it was someone trying to trick my hypothetical child into a beauty pageant so peds can perv on her and she can grow up with a poor self esteem, body dysporhia, an eating disorder AND probably a preoccupation with her breasts and sequins. but i am not sure on those last ones. but probably. anyway, i threw the letter away.


so against my better judgment i went to a book sale today. and i bought my future kid a book. why not people are sending her mail and she will need to know how to read. i bought her this one. its about a man named oliver. he is made out of wood. anyway he is trying to get to california. its a real page turner.

there was a letter (there are a bunch of letters throughout the book) from Salt Lake City dated July 4 (my favorite holiday. beside the point) and it was from melissa tso who is miss utah (but not really its a woman named heather something) who is complaining about having to wave to kids while riding in a convertible going 5 miles per hour but is inspired by our friend oliver. poor miss utah. what are the odds a book about oliver woodman has anything to do with pageants in utah? its probably a sign that my child is going to revolutionalize the pageantry world. anyway i also bought babies in the bible and the princess and the pea.