Wednesday, October 17, 2007

we can discuss the human genome project later

sometimes when you are cleaning out your bathroom drawer at your moms house (no no this isnt from my stint of living with my parents in the spring, this is from highschool) you end up throwing a lot of stuff away. like old makeup and crusty toothpaste. but what about old teeth molds. at first i thought for sure its a throw away. but then i decided, hey what if i am in a fire and they cant identify my body and they need my dental records (and somehow my dentist loses my records. maybe in a fire. how ironic). so i decided they are keepers. because identifying my charred body ranks high on my list of things i want to happen. when i am dead.

speaking of death, mine, i have been meaning to write an online holographic will. i am not sure its legal. i am leaning towards no. here it goes...

bookshelf: cicada because i know how you love wallpapered bookshelves.
armoire: shane. he said it was cute. and it has lace curtains. he wins.
butterfly chair: lisa, because i know how much you like butterflys.
small purple painting collection: colls. you love purple. and paintings.
quilts: go to my cousins. the ones i liked (you know who you are).
mirrors (both): go to becky. because you are so pretty.
kitchen stuff (including the pan that says NATALI): gavin because he likes to cook casseroles.
jeans: janelle. you will need to hem them but they should fit.
fabric: cicada, will you name a purse after me?
dryer: sugarcube, you have a truck so it will be easy for you to move.
alito judicial nomination tickets: brian (i think you can sell them on ebay) and for some reason i think they are worth alot of money. oh and you can have my car. you will need to get that registered.
the antique chair: lisa, because i know how much you like morrises. (get it)
my old records book: reno. you liked how it was date stamped in like 1918. its a great year.
wooden noah ark: jessica, i know how much she likes floods and animals
my homework i saved (including book reports, drawings and poetry): my mom. she has been trying to throw it away. and now she finally can.
my jewelry: rose, she has had her eye on the italian ring since well italy.
books: tanya, if you want them. if not give them to brian. maybe he would trade you the books for the alito tickets. but dont ask me. i am out of this.
shoes: its strange but i want to give those to me.
winter clothing: jamie, because you are the only person who is consistently colder than i am
my laptop: arlo, because you will love her more than me. not more than you loved me. but you will love the computer more than i loved her. or maybe it was the other way...
my cellphone: bean, you love technology. and you are one.
my J-lo hoop earrings and my legal books, to breena. you are a fashion icon. and a feminist. what fun.


Jamie said...

I am kind of sad that I will not get anything when you die. Surely you can find it in your heart to leave me a pencil or some socks or your copy of Black's Law Dictionary?

punk rock girl said...

i know i thought that last night. i was going to give you my old broken down dell or my law books. but you have those already. then it came to me...scarves.

Jamie said...

Oh good thinking. Then I will not have to risk burning down my office building by running my (prohibited) space heater 346 days out of the year. Thanks.

Cicada said...

Thanks for the goods. I didn't have a reason to kill you before, but for those bookshelves and that fabric... that's what I like to call "motive."

punk rock girl said...

i never wanted to let people know i had so many assets. now i think boys will just want to marry me for my dryer.

Tin said...

I have always wanted that ring!

ThomCarter said...

Won't most of these things burn in the fire that is gong to kill you?

punk rock girl said...

good point. and maybe. not all my stuff is in one place. so a few people will luck out. and i always sort of imagined i would die in a fiery car crash. but i should stop thinking those thoughts because i have seen the secret and the universe might be listening.

becky said...

oh i love your mirrors. i like to think they can withstand heat and flames