Tuesday, November 18, 2008

contributing to america

me: did i tell you i got a fish pedicure?
dad: what in the world is that?
me: you stick your feet in an aquarium and the fish eat the dead skin off.
dad: that sounds like something someone came up with when they were drinking something. (i think he was implying alcohol).
me: its from asia.
dad: then someone's drinking in asia.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

i like mice

i actually dont like mice that much. they are ok. i was telling colls that i was going to post a blog about how when you turn 30 you get a lot of cake. i told colls i was going to call my next blog 6 cakes and she said really shouldnt it be called i like mice or something? i said good point. also i technically only had 5 and one of those todd just made for a dinner party and brought over the delicious remainder BUT i got a candle and a wish so i counted it.

this one was festive.
this one contained tasty TAB (compliments of elin) and it says NAT when turned the correct way.

bean helped me blow out the candles. truth be told i did all the work.

and this was my work cake although technically no one was in the office to enjoy it so i just sent it home with a co worker.
todd's delicious rose water something cake.

and im thirty.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

cigarette quilt

oh new exciting quilting blog.

i dont want anyone to think i promote smoking.

but its just so long and skinny.

i think it would be good for watching movies on a couch.

or maybe other things.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

where does creamed corn figure into the universe

fight threw an excellent pumpkin party.

my favorite was clif's. he let me paint the dinosaur's mouth red. clif might be my best friend.

i think maybe fight used gum to fix his eye patch.

stefano was my second favorite costume. he was this guy.

but elin was my favorite as this lady.

communists! i think. i really dont know whats going on.

im so glad halloween is over.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

i have the wrong zip

i missed my cousin emmy's birthday. i know because i had this conversation with her yesterday.

me: i called you fifty times* why didnt you answer. i had a pumpkin cookie disaster/miracle.

emmy: yeah sorry i have twins.

me: oh yeah thats right. (i went on to explain in depth how i lost half of the pumpkin cookie recipie and had to improvise and ended up adding extra eggs, pumpkin and salt and guessing on all the dry ingrediants AND it turned out ok) (its a long story)(but i think i tell it well).

emmy: that is a miracle.

me: i know right. its my birthday soon.

emmy: oh yeah when is that.

me: oh no i just realized its the end of october. i missed your birthday.

emmy: its fine i can never remember if yours is the 5th or 6th.

me: its the 3rd. what day is yours. the 18th? the 25th?

emmy: you are just kidding right?

me: the 23rd. its probably the 23rd.

emmy: the 20th.

happy birthday emmy.

*i really only called 3 times but i called rose another 4 times so it felt like fifty combined.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

dogs can be angels but probably arent.

my father, in a fit of sentimentality, which he later admitted, told me thinking back i wasnt that high maintenance after all.

strange because all i have been thinking about is getting a new bed and tv. and i want nice ones not crappy ones that are hard to sleep on or ones that are bright and orange.

well that isnt all i have been thinking about. i have also been thinking long and hard about my skin. i think if my skin was better everything in my life would be fixed. that might be a paranoid delusion. but i dont think it is. i think really if my skin was better everything in my life would be fixed.

Monday, October 20, 2008

my pants have pockets

i talk to myself a lot when i am sewing. i think its pretty normal. you know. its nice to bounce ideas off people even if its just yourself. i never really got nervous about it until i had this conversation (in my head):

me: i think i want this quilt to be primarily solid squares.
me: yeah me too!

hmmmm. that might explain why i have been wanting to watch sybil lately.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

everyday im in the whitehouse

jo and i went to a quilt show in odgen.

i liked this transportation one.

i liked this circly one.

i liked this one too. and i learned a 14 year old made it.

i have a strong preference for squares (in boys and quilts). anyway after the show we ate at taco taco. the end.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

holiday greetings from the bags out

i got a new hair cut...

and my celebrity look a like is...

Thursday, October 02, 2008

arent you just full of comments.

i had a dream last night. i was at a hearing and the judge spoke a different language. i am always nervous judges will ask me things i dont know and i wont be able to bull shit in a timely manner. however, i found it much less intimidating when the judge couldnt speak english. i remember wearing a grey suit and telling the insurance company (represented by a girl in my ward who used to teach sunday school) that their defense was racist.

this is sort of similar to the actual hearing i had today. except for no one was racist and the judge spoke fluent english. i know because we had this interaction.

Judge: Do you know the location of your client?
me: i dont know. but i think he is in argentina.
judge: What have you done to locate him?
me: i asked his friends. they think he is in argentina.
Judge: Are you really comfortable settling your clients case without consulting him?
me: yes. (i dont sweat this kind of stuff).
Judge: (awkward silence).

the only really exciting part was before i was up to discuss how i dont really care about client rights someones cell phone went off and the lady actually answered and started talking. i saved the day by telling her she should leave. i think you can get fined for shit like that.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

and your IM.

i have actually been sewing a lot but this is my one finished project for the summer. everything else is in various stages of almost done.

this is a new baby quilt for tabitha. she is one of my favorite babies. i think maybe i will just ask her parents how they feel about cloning. anyway, i gave her the quilt and she looked pretty happy about it.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

hey i got your post it

like all not-really-serious blog writers who only sort of like their blog i occasionally think of ideas to make it better. in fact i had this conversation (in my head) with david foster wallace just today:

n: first of all can i just say how sorry i was to hear you died.
dfw: oh really?
n: yeah. i really liked your stuff. alot. it really affected me and how i thought about writing and really changed my point of view on a lot of things and shit. and you seemed great. just great. (im sorry im really nervous to even be having this fake conversation with you) (blush).
dfw: oh dont worry you are doing just fine. but i thought you only read three essays.
n: thats true. once i said i read infinite jest but i realized i thought it was another book. sorry.
dfw: dont sweat it. its too long to take seriously.
n: no no thats not it its just those vampire books came out and you know.... anyway, as a writer i really value your opinion, do you think there is anything i could do to possibly make my blog better?
dfw: more pictures.

i think dfw is probably right.

but i am willing to take other people's thoughts into consideration. for instance i came upon this comment on a post on someone elses blog about a post i had composed some time back.

Other than the stylistic elements that seem intended to drive readers away (centered justification, no capitalization, illegible blog title), I wouldn't be too concerned about it.

(thats exactly my approach. the concern part.)

...I read it as somebody incorrectly interpreting self-discovery as societal trend (as we are all wont to do at times). As I see it, the author is discovering her attitude towards an issue and then (apparently unbeknownst to her) projecting her internal thought processes onto the external world, resulting in her observing for the first time societal approaches to that issue -- approaches which were previously opaque* to her, since prior to such self-discovery she lacked the internal discernment requisite to perceiving such different approaches. Of course, the approaches are not recent; the only recent phenomenon is her self-discovery...

this part is less interesting. because it doesnt make much sense. but it sounds like something that should make sense and that always impresses me. probably because it reminds me of my job. anyway, if i am looking for more help (or perhaps some therapy for that self discovery process) with my writing i should probably just stick to dfw.

* i particularly like this sentence although i must say i didnt care for it the first couple of times i read it. it grows on you.

Monday, September 08, 2008

hey i got your email

this weekend i remembered this story:

when i was in law school i was talking to this guy i kind of knew. i asked about his baby and he said he was doing well. he said he was with his baby the other day and someone asked what the baby's name was and he couldnt remember. he sat there looking at the baby and thought "he is six months old i should know his name by now." i dont remember if he actually remembered or not or had to make something up.

anyway here is this picture. i like it. brian and gavin were too busy thinking about ghosts to look at the camera.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

coughing up art

oh here are some new and exciting quilts coming from springville art museum. if you want to see the show it ends thursday.

this asian one is cute because its pieced with japanese fabric and quilted to look like pagodas.


the rest of that awesome box sculpture that aaron doesnt appreciate. brian liked it. but he didnt blog about it. (this is not a quilt)

this reminds me of the old man and the sea.


my parents liked this one.

the end.

Friday, August 29, 2008

hug a dolphin another day

august 29, 2008

dear m.l.k. jr:

im still not totally ok with you. you know my feelings. but im not bringing that up now because you are dead. however, i am curious if you really did endorse obama or if i misheard when i was trying to quickly change the channel. also, my tv sound didnt work for like 15 minutes last night and i want to know if you or any of your friends are haunting my tv set. that might also explain the color problems. everything is orange. good thing orange is my favorite color.



ps here is a picture of jesus on a birthday cake. i heard you are religious.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

you have a lot of dance in those pants

i was never a big fan of miranda rights. not the actual rights themselves. those are fine. but the whole reciting thing. it doesnt have much to a ring to it. its not like the lords prayer which sounds great every time. however, after watching law and order i realized there is something i dislike more than normal miranda. its when whoever gets arrested starts rattling them off (because they are some lawyer or cop or repeat offender with a good memory) and they try to finish them before the cops. it takes too much time.

time wasting is a big concern for me. i also take the golden rule seriously. i try to never waste anyones time with things they hate or arent in the mood for or are only doing out of obligation. it reminds me of when people try to peer pressure me into doing things like wedding showers or campouts or drugs.

speaking of drugs i took some sleeping medication as i do every night and i forgot to go to bed because i was excited about aaron's new song. featured here. eventually the ambien caught up to me and i said "i think im going to have problems getting to my bed" and he thought i said "i think you are going to have problems getting to my bed."

thats a pretty good pick up line right? or maybe its not because it implies a boy would have problems getting into my bed because im a prude or there is an obstacle course or i kick in my sleep. i was thinking of it tonight at a party with ladyace when we were talking about hitting on boys. we talk about it alot. or in other words we are all talk.

i like to talk about those vampire books. everyone is really into book clubs. not me because i dont like to read much unless you count those vampire books. but i would like to form a vampire book club. any vampire book. i can think of five off the top of my head. fortunately i have all ready read them all so all the pressure is off.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

small talk on my day off

i had this idea to start a blog about a hypothetical baby. but i have a lot on my blog plate. and the problem with hypothetical babies is you cant take tons of pictures of them (because they dont exist) and pictures are the keystone of any good baby blog. i was also concerned a made up baby blog might offend real babies (parents) everywhere. so this is as far as the brainstorming went:

brian: did you start you fake baby blog yet?
me: not yet
i dont know if i willbrian: that's ok

but here is an excerpt of what my baby blog would have been like.

i found this outfit for kitty.* isnt she adorable? she loves it and cries when i take it off. whenever we go to the park she gets so many compliments. its because she is so adorable. i cant believe how big she is getting! i hope she doesnt outgrow it by halloween but if she does i was i have a cute pumpkin costume that should work. anyway i have to run. the baby is waking up from her nap and we running to the store...

*not her real name.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

sex on wednesday

at tuesday lunch with my parents my dad was telling me how proud my mom was of me. and i was like yeah right. and he said she is always bragging about you. and i said what does she brag about (i was secretly hoping she told everyone i was good at sewing* and had a great sense of humor even if i wasnt married). no such luck. she likes to tell people how small i am. i think if i lost a couple of more pounds i could maybe surpass my younger brother as the favorite who we are all very proud of because he teaches a class as UVSC. thats right he is a professor (adjunct). he is living the part time dream.

all my heros work part time.

ive decided im going to go get a physical this week. im not even really sure what it entails. i vaguely remember getting one when i was 13 and having this conversation with the doctor:

doctor: Have you talked to your parents about sex?
me: ugh yeah i guess.
doctor: Are you sure? If they havent I will.
me: maybe i should just pee in a cup and leave.

i havent been back since.

*originally i had written sewer. i realized that cant be right.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

bunny, not just a name

im waiting for my mail to come because i am getting a new debit card which i need to go to costco to buy breaking dawn. i can hardly wait. if the mail person comes this blog will end abruptly.

the problem is i am a

Saturday, July 26, 2008

if you happen to go to mexico

its been an exciting week for me. from a consumer prospective. first of all i bought this bowl i really liked at DI. i wasnt sure what to do with it.

until i bought this shit load of fabric (i know i know i need more fabric like i need a hole somewhere) but it was a great sale.

i didnt actually buy or make this quilt. and this picture doesnt do it justice. my mom showed it to me and said i made this 30 years ago and have never used it...at which point i said you know i am taking that home with me... and my mom said i dont know...and i said too bad....and she said maybe i will use it...and i said yeah when you come to my house.

oh and i got a serger. i have no idea what to do with it besides look at it suspiciously. (it was free with...)

this! and here is my new baby. i love her. more than most things.

Friday, July 18, 2008

well pardon me all over the place

recently, i started a program funded by my parents where i let them take me to lunch. on tuesday. its aptly named tuesday lunches with my parents. its to make up for me not wanting to go to their house. and despite every assurance that this isnt personal they keep taking it personally so i let them buy me a garden burger and tell me springville gossip. recently, my little brother joined the lunch group. although im not sure why we let him in because unlike myself he is a wonderful child who spends plenty of quality time with the family. this was the conversation we had last tuesday:
me: i might come over tomorrow...wait never mind i remembered i dont want to.
mom: please come over!
me: no.
mom: please...there are some love letters at the house im only giving you if you come over.
me: i dont want them.
mom: fine. george (my dad) dont give her her mail until she comes over.
dad: shrug (indicating he wanted no part of this conversation).
me: that may be a federal offense. anyway i really just dont like the spare bed.
mom: when you get married i will get a new bed.
trevor: but why does it matter if she is married? it doesnt help her now.
me: obviously this is another example of single people discrimination.
mom: do you want to go to the folk fest?
me: cant say that i do.
mom: we can go. trevor has a date and we can spy on him.
me: now this just got interesting. (but it didnt because no one would tell me who he was going with or why he was taking her to the folk fest).
mom: pleaseeeeeeeeeeee.
me: i think the love letter approach was pretty funny. but ineffective. and no.

also. my boss keeps asking me about what he (the bishop) should talk about at girls camp. in fact i just got off the phone with him on this very matter. not the pressing legal conversation you might have imagined. anyway, i told him to use the penny analogy. he of course asked what the penny analogy is. i told him im not sure but i got a penny at girls camp and i was supposed to remain pure like a penny and then give it to my husband when we got married. my boss said that it didnt make sense. and i agreed. money is soooo dirty. anyway he asked if i lost my penny. and i said yes but in all fairness its an oil crisis so i probably just spent it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

some civil servants are like loved ones

first of all i like my nephew so much and i think he is maybe the funniest kid i have ever met. its widely rumored that when asked if he loves me he says "you know i do." he calls my little brother uncle treasure and he likes to sit on rocks. anyway i asked him to pose for a picture and i got these two looks. i think tyra banks would agree that he is super versatile and that he works that crayon.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

talk nerdy to me

i remembered tonight that i never ever want to go to antarctica.

dear b you have been winning many friend awards with me lately but i suspect our two hearts beat as one after wanted. actually i am not sure when our hearts synchronized but it probably had something to do with the angelina jolies skull. i tell everyone i know twice about how awesome that movie is was and will always be.

sometimes when i go sewing machine shopping the sales people dont take me seriously when i say i want a "cute" machine. say something with some cherries and a kitten. where can i find that?

Saturday, July 05, 2008

those rats explode!

if you wake up and its humid its probably because your apartment is flooding. i wrote this post awhile back. and i liked it awhile back. but lets see how i like it now.

i have ocd like everyone else i know. i, specifically, dont like hands touching my food. unfortunately for me hands are constantly touching food. i can temper the effects of hands by a great deal of hand washing, occasionally breathing techniques and if i had it medication.* i dont have it.

but its fine. except that i am becoming increasingly concerned that i have an elitist disorder. i doubt most people (i am counting the entire population) have the luxury of indulging in any sort of food/hand phobia. it is my understanding that much of the world doesnt have running water or plumbing so it seems like me being grossed out about hands touching food seems pretty trivial and a tad snobbish. in the scheme of things. i feel like the concept applies to anyone with extreme food regulations or that takes most groups of food or types of food out of their diets.** as we all know lots of people dont have enough to eat. the kids in africa get mentioned quite a bit.*** im not sure if its wrong but it seems somehow superior to not eat something because its cooked or there is an animal product somewhere in it. food indicates class and status for every person on a more regular basis than most things (approximately three times a day) making it something i really think about. but what do i know. im not that nice. for example yesterday my mom bought a wrinkled flag to put in the front yard and i told her it was illegal to iron it.

* you were probably about to suggest anti bacterial. i dont like it. but i appreciate the suggestion.
**you know who you are.
***this is a very similar argument to the one made by american parents to get their kids to finish their meals and my mother believes it is the reason why many kids are obese.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

i heard the lamanites had it coming

(my sewing machine broke last week and im not going to fix it for reasons that i am not going to expound on here-anyway, i would appreciate any sewing machine brand/model recommendations anyone may have)

i wonder if ants charge. (like rhinoceroses). i like to sit in the same place in the park. i rarely move unless there is a friendly dog or people close by. you know normal things to be avoided. some ants i know also like the same place in the park. they are always there. but i like that seat so i decided to make it work (out of a combination of laziness, stubbornness and habit).

now i am not afraid of ants. and i dont mind them crawling on me. but they are natural born explorers and shouldnt be trusted. at first i gently brushed them off*. then i starting avoiding them by moving around to let them pass. i felt like i was really going out of my way to make them feel comfortable. but then one of them had the nerve to charge? me. it felt pretty personal so i left.

upon exiting the park i realized i had a hard choice to make. which way to walk. there was a couple cuddling on a blanket that i was curious about (anyone who touches another person in 90 degree weather makes me wonder what is going on) and then a wedding party. maybe a wedding. i choose the wedding. i dont know i am still sort of regretting it. i guess i took the road more traveled.

*i feel its appropriate to apologize to brian since he loaned me the book i was using as the ant brusher offer. however, to my knowledge no ants were killed and i know he would have wanted it that way.

Friday, June 20, 2008

these are tense linguistic times

recently i read a blog where a girl listed what she ate everyday. i think she was trying to lose weight. anyway, it wasnt half bad. what does this have to do with post? nothing. except that i am tempted to just start writing what i eat everyday.*

today i walked to a quilting store conveniently located in downtown salt lake only to find it closes at 5:55. but that isnt the strange thing. the strange thing is that it was 6 pm on a work day and i had already been to three quilt stores. that story wasnt that great.

let me try again.

i am trying to grow a daffodil. i bought one of those grow your own daffodils pots. you may have seen them. i didnt realize it was a lot of work. first of all. i have to keep it somewhere cool for sixteen weeks and water it once a day. so its in my fridge. and i havent watered it once. i am betting against my daffodil making it. but i will keep everyone updated on its progress. towards death.

sorry its been a slow week.

*the internal battle goes something like this "no one wants to read about what you eat" "but i really like lists" "doesnt matter. boring" "it could be fun" "seriously is this still being debated" "granola bar, milk, green tea, sandwich, green tea, milk, veggie burger, banana" "that was horrible never do that again" "fine. jerk"

Sunday, June 15, 2008

i missed the balloons

springville is the art city. we take it pretty seriously. as seriously as the devil. red devils anyway. i went to this flower show in the art museum.
and then there was more art at this quilt show. (and by art i just mean paintings in addition to the quilts).
oh and then more art at the art show.
the end.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

once we found out we were both librarians

i got two emails from my sister in law today. one was a fairy who is supposed to bring me luck. the second was entitled a black columnist on obama. i read them both.

sometimes i think if i had a conversation with obama about that article it would go something like this:

me: i read an article today about you today.
obama: did it talk about how eloquent i am?
me: yes but i am getting to that. have some patience.
obama: sorry. im just so rattled after finally getting the nomination.
me: thats understandable. anyway the first part of the article is about how we shouldnt vote because of race and that you are very very liberal.
obama: will you vote for me?
me: no i dont think i am going to vote anymore. but for anyone not just you.
obama: are you sure?
me: yeah. i am thinking of moving to france and living by johnny depp. eventually he would leave his girlfriend and marry me. and we would be pretty happy for awhile but i dont know. should i trust him? i mean he is just going to leave me like his girlfriend?
obama: i dont know natali. thats a hard call. you just have to go with your heart.
me: you are right. anyway the article also said the book of revelations describes an anti-Christ who will be a man, MUSLIM (it was capitalized in the article), who uses persuasive language...
obama: seriously i give a helluva speech. but i never wear flag pins. did you know?
me: yes i heard. anyway the man will bring false hope (i am assuming socialized medicine) and when he is in power he will destroy everything. and that guy is probably you.
obama: destroy everything?
me: yeah not just the constitution. everything. im assuming if you are president the earth might blow up.
obama: sooooo i have your vote?
me: oh bama.
obama: (chuckle)

Sunday, June 08, 2008

i suspect fellowshipping

i might be catholic on the inside. there is probably a quiz i could take somewhere but i havent found it. at a young age i realized i loved cathedrals and had to fight the urge to cross myself. and when i was sixteen i wanted a gold cross necklace so bad but i didnt want to break my moms heart or anything. my friend told me he wanted to be catholic for the wine and the low moral expectations.* i dont know about that i just like stained glass. and i am fond of saints.** and candles. but not the scented ones i just like the ones you light for peoples souls.

so i made this scrap quilt. i think it may be a miracle quilt because i made it to use up my scraps but instead my scraps have multiplied. its sort of like the parable of the fishes and the loaves. but with fabric. that i wanted to get rid of. so even if its a miracle i didnt really want it. but thanks i guess.

*i dont know anything about catholic moral expectations but i did get an A in world religions and my friend eric got an A-. i know that he reads this sometimes and i just wanted to remind him that i know way more about religious shit. half a grade more.
**once my friend got a saint bracelet for a cup of coffee.