Thursday, January 31, 2008

the way she said babe made me sad

i love the brothers. one more than the other but its like a barely more sort of thing.

they want to win the effing amazing race so they can stop working. its a noble goal. the old american dream was to get a job and work your way up. the new american dream is to try and not work and still be up. anyway it got me thinking about what i do everyday.


alarm. pushed snooze. pushed snooze. pushed snooze.
put on a sweater vest.
drove for an hour and a half (car accident)(not me)(yet).
went to the state hospital for mental health commitment hearings.

how are the voices?
they are out level 4. i can live with that.

went to costco to buy my boss a birthday cake. he likes carrot. gross. texted fight to ask him if chocolate cake is ok even though carrot is the birthday boy's preference.

"its about celebrating the occasion and eating chocolate cake"

bought the chocolate cake. went to birthday party. office coffee crisis ensued:

boss: we have a coffee situation. the coffee smell is really strong. its like i am in juice and java.
natali: yeah i thought someone had come into my office and had a cup or pot or whatever the largest amount of coffee possible is yesterday.
paralegal 1: the new guy makes it very strong and often.
boss: what can be done? firing all the coffee drinkers seems extreme (but legal). can we buy some sort of anti odor coffee maker?
paralegal 2: oh yes bishop (my boss just got called as bishop) i would like to see you buying a new coffee maker.
boss: yes that would be frowned on...natali can buy it. she is liberal.
natali: i just googled it. they dont make them.
boss: i read a study that said if you drink coffee your chance of miscarriage goes way up.
file clerk: yeah and if you have an abortion your chance of having a premature baby goes up. having an abortion affects not one but two babies.
paralegal 2: that sounds like a bumper sticker.
natali: i hate bumper stickers.
boss: i am just saying maybe Joseph Smith was onto something...

you are calling about that subpoena?
yes. long pause.
you have a question?
yes. long pause.
please ask the question already.

played scrabble. checked blog, played scrabble.

long conversation about hate speech legislation and how i think the ACLU is intellectually dishonest. but who isnt.


lawyer in office: natali how are you on ethics?
natali: this seems like a trick question. but i got a B.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

things we said on the way to a restaurant

i called my parents on sunday. i have sort of been avoiding them since christmas eve when i realized i could get away with things like not seeing them.

dad: hello how are you??? (i could actually hear three question marks)
natali: good. you?
dad: good is it snowing up there?
natali: no. (this is normally where i hang up but i really hung in there).
dad: so your new jeans came in the mail.
natali: do you like them?
dad: well from what i can tell they have really fancy pockets. i think i like them. those are some fancy pockets.
natali: i am really into fancy pockets. and horses.
dad: hmmm. (this is normally where he would hang up but he hung in there too).
natali: so how is mom?
dad: she had an allergy attack in relief society. someone must of had dog fur on their clothes.
natali: put her on the i heard you had an allergy attack in relief society.
mom: it was horrible. its nice to hear your voice.
natali: thanks mom. ok i am going love you bye.
mom: love you bye.

Friday, January 25, 2008

confessional or something that resembles it

i might love ct.

i love ct.

bootleggers prefers to be called pirates. pirates dont have a preference. (more of an observation).

i have started to think things such as "if only life was like star trek and they had those healing zapper things and i could drink diet coke again."

i drink diet coke again.

"i bought more fabric. dont be mad."

i would rather kill mice than work with people. maybe not frogs. but i would be willing to try.

sometimes i get nervous to walk in memory grove because mark hacking said his wife went jogging there and never came back.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


did anyone else have a panic attack when heath ledger died? and not the OMG heath ledger died what a hunk kind but the more like the 9-11 of OMG anyone can die at anytime sort of panic attack? i sort of did. and you worry that you lived your whole life wrong and that you made ridiculous choices and that you could have been a better at a long list of things.

anyway, if you call in sick the next day it really helps.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i use sex as an icebreaker

so three people at work asked about my long weekend. the conversation went something like this...what did you do? sew? and me saying i do other shit. and yes.

when i woke up to the snow i knew i would stay in all day in my new bunny sweats that say whatever!, putter around the internet, and maybe sew something. anyway i looked at the closet and knew i had to do something. not finish the quilt hanging up there but instead i decided to make a new door. so i took out the plastic one (and i have the blisters to prove it) and sewed this one. (i didnt sew all those pieces together. that would have taken much longer than 29 minutes).

and here is a close up.

and then i made these matching curtains. i managed to finish these projects while watching karate kid I, II, and III. what i am trying to say is it was a great holiday.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

ignoring whatever survival instincts i still have

when i was little (pre literacy) my favorite book was about an apartment building and the people that lived in each apartment. i asked my dad to check it out everytime he went to the library. even back then i just wanted to read the same books over and over. i liked how the occupants of the apartment building (they were all animals) lived together and understood each others living patterns. i was very curious about things you could learn about another person/family based solely on proximity. (for the record i didnt know the word proximity yet but i loved to look at the illustration of all the different apartments and who lived where and who did what and how that affected everyone else). my family just lived in a regular house. we lacked the intimacy with strangers that you can only gain through apartment living.

in my apartment building #4 likes country music, #6 smokes stinky pot ( alot of stinky pot), #1 has a dog, #12 has had sex at least once this year (actually it was twice but same night) and #13 likes korean food. anyway, these are just things i know because we all live really close to each other. #8 is my favorite. i know him because he is always outside smoking so we chat. he is friendly. which is probably why he made a good chauffeur. anyway i ran into him the other day while he was getting his mail.

#8: hey how are you doing?
natali: good. i noticed that your escalade is gone. are you still a chauffeur?
#8: well no i quit.
natali: oh no way. why?
#8: oh well maybe i got fired...some clients didnt like what i had to say.
natali: what did you say? (i realize now this is none of my business. i didnt realize that at the time).
#8: well there was a client who hates mormons, especially missionaries. i picked him put last week and he started going off about mormons...
client:i hate missionaries. i mean what are they even thinking? especially senior missionaries, they should be enjoying the best time of their lives not on missions.
my parents are in the MTC right now actually.
your parents are f*$&ing idiots.
f*#& you. suck dick. f*$&# you.
#8: so he called my boss and i got fired.
natali: what a jerk. im sorry.
#8: its ok. that job made it impossible to sleep.
natali: tell me about it. apparently after six months of heavily using ambien i built up something of a tolerance to all forms of sleep aids....

my mom always said in small towns you dont "live on top of each other" which is how she describes city living. its funny. i kind of like living on top of each other.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

saving myself and the movie

i dont participate in the interactive church meetings too often. i end up changing my mind about positions a lot and/or worrying about how my opinions will go over. plus i get nervous. instead i focus on improving my suduko skills and playing MASH. however, a couple of weeks ago i offered to read because my row (you know who you are) was being particularly noisy and i was guilted into volunteering. anyway this was the verse i read:

"Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds." Revelation 2:22.

i left out them and maybe that. which made me think God was threatening to commit adultery with Jezebel (she was the women in the scripture) if people didnt repent. for five minutes i reevaluated my entire concept of God and almost changed my mind about the whole damn thing.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

i mean its such an honor

i finished another quilt. this one is for my friend colls. for her birthday. last october.

its a pin wheel design.

they bonded right away.

although i like this quilt a lot it is not my greatest achievement of late. i dont know if you knew (i didnt until sugarcube informed me) that my profile on the linkup is (approximately) 71 on the most viewed profiles ever list. i mean we are talking linkup history (maybe i have no idea how this works). currently my views are at 7164. while watching magnolia with clay i went up 6 views and managed to pass leesy. i am convinced its because i talk about jimmy carter.

Friday, January 11, 2008

overcast, 50% chance of rain

i think weddings are a trick. i would love to be able to elope. mostly because i dont want to deal with all the hurt feelings and disappointment and expectations and planning that weddings are guaranteed to produce. anyway when i picture my perfect wedding i think it would be nice to have a couple of friends to watch (you have to have witnesses) and my dress is knee length and my family isnt there. i dont want a big wedding. but if i invite my parents i have to invite my siblings. and if i invite my siblings i have to invite my aunts and uncles. and then if they come the cousins will be there. and if my cousins are there friends from out of state will start coming. there is no stopping it.

anyway i was discussing my elopement plans with cicada* and i asked her to make me wedding announcements about my ideal wedding. i love them.

*if you are in the market for wedding announcements i recommend cicada. she is fantastic. she will take out the skulls if you want. but why would you want to?

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

its hard for a young girl living in a haunted house

for awhile i hoped my camera was haunted but i think it was because i was reading a lot of toni morrison. i like ghosts stories. once i was dating someone and he said he had the best ghost story but wouldnt tell me. he said the circumstances had to be right or some bull shit. obviously i am glad we broke up.

where was i. oh yes hillary clinton. i dont really care about the presidential election for more reasons than i care to list. i do like the sounds of president huckabee. in that i like the actual sound. so far huckabees name is my favorite thing about the presidential race. but i did think this was interesting. i wrote a paper once about women in politics. i cant remember what the title was. i hope it was catchier than women in politics. anyway it compared esther, queen elizabeth I and hillary clinton (i briefly considered pocahontas) and their influences in the political sphere. my premise was that women affected politics through sexual activity (by either having it or not having it), marriage (by not being married or marrying political figures), appearance (reflective of virginity and/or sexuality) and by the portrayal of traditional female or male characteristics. sometimes both but always extremes. basically, a model for female politicians is still being ironed out. or i guess an acceptable model. although hillary clinton briefly teared up during an interview i doubt it was an indicator of her ability to successfully manage a country or that she was on her period.

i am not sure what i would label as the feminist agenda (mostly i doubt you can label it). my boss (who gets a lot of play on this blog) proffered that it measured a womans success by her ability to distance herself from feelings, behavior and attitudes traditionally held or encouraged in women and adapt more "male" feelings, behaviors and attitudes. i told him i found this idea offensive and at its core anti-feminist. this theory was also endorsed by some of my female professors in law school. they encouraged us to never wear pink and try to learn how to golf. screw that. how is succeeding as a woman mimicking a man?

what i am trying to say is i bet somewhere out there tonight mitt romney is bawling his eyes out.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

lets step into the shadows and talk

i think i might move to mexico. actually a more accurate statement is i might vacation there and just never come back. i figure mexicans do it all the time in the US and i dont mind one bit. not that my immigration policy opinion matters much. anyway you might not think i am capable of being that irresponsible. but i am really working my way to it. for example, over christmas i just took time off work. i didnt ask for vacation days or even inform my boss. i simply did not show up for a week and a half. did i get fired you ask? no i got a raise. it was like a scene out of office space without the flair. back to my raise. with all my new income i am going to mexico. in my head its sunny all the time and everyone is friendly and gives me fish tacos.

the paralegal who is always trying to peer pressure me into drinking coffee showed me a new tattoo she got over the holiday. i didnt care for it. but it reminded me of a funny story. but first a less funny story:

paralegal: i like those jeans. (to me)
natali: thanks. i lost some weight so it bothers me that they arent tighter. i like tight jeans.
paralegal: those are FMN jeans.
natali: is this some brand i dont know about?
paralegal: no they are "F*** me now" jeans.
natali: what i didnt quite hear you...
paralegal: F***me now jeans.
natali: F*** me now jeans?

and that was how i was tricked by the paralegal into saying the F*** word. i have never said it once. i guess i should say had. now you might ask how that is possible with the amount of rated R movies i view. its barely possible. but i dont say it. i am swears selective. i think its a mean and potentially derogatory word. also people so rarely use it right. those are just my personal feelings towards F***. they are subject to change. but it brings me to this funny story.

i had just given the same paralegal some fudge for the holidays. she said she liked it. shortly after we both happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. she was in stall one and i was in stall two.

paralegal: so i have a new F*** buddy.
natali: (did she say fudge buddy? am i her fudge buddy? do i have to give her more fudge?)
paralegal: anyway the sex is fantastic.
natali: (does she always mumble F*** or should i have my hearing checked. what a relief we are not fudge buddies. or F*** buddies for that matter). really that
paralegal: way fun.

i know what you are saying. arent you taking a break from the blog because you want to really think about it and revamp it and shit. i thought about it and all that seemed too hard for me during the season of the year where getting out of bed seems ambitious.