Sunday, February 18, 2007

cookie bouquets continued...

you know what is an appropriate sweet sixteen present? this cookie bouquet. you know what isnt appropriate? any of the things they do on MTV's sweet sixteen birthday party show. i think my faith in humanity might be permanently shaken from viewing this particular MTV program (real world and next are so contrived and made for consumption that its harmless) but there are really people that are that have really expensive parties for their real sweet sixteen party. here is the deal. people say they are scared of the world when they watch the news and they realize all the crime and war and problems and meanness and anger that goes on. but i think what is more scary is my sweet sixteen party. i watch that show and i think if i was poor and my family was starving to death and i was watching my sweet sixteen party and a family spent twice as much on invitations for some lame ass party than my family made in an entire year i would probably consider armed robbery. thats why i think sweet sixteen is the most offensive show on tv and encourages crime. i dont think children should be allowed to watch it. it should come with one of those adult ratings.

and thats why i get pretty sad when my sweet sixteen party is on and not maui fever.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

why i want to be mexican part II

oh yeah i forgot about mexican vanilla. that is the best and probably real reason i want to live in or visit mexico.

oh and i talked to a guy who wanted to interview me for a job yesterday. he told me he wanted to know about my marriage and family goals. even when its illegal people cant stop asking me.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

delicious sugar cookie bustiers

i spent a lot of time (24 minutes) today trying to figure out what is the best thing about valentines day. this is what i came up with

1) not flowers (environmental issues coupled with allergies)
2) not diamonds (human rights issues coupled with i hate those damn commercials)
3) not dinner (who wants to wait that long?)
4) not boyfriends (that can get weird fast)
5) sugar cookies

sugar cookies! i love those. so you can imagine that it was a valentines day miracle when someone accidentally delivered one of those cookie bouquets to my office. yes i took home a cookie bouquet to Tom from Lindsey. i dont think that makes me a bad person. those things have a short self life. so what kind of delicious valentines cookies did i take home...lingerie ones. what you say? not hearts or butterflies or maybe bunnies? yeah the cookies were decorated in such a way to resemble lingerie. can you sexualize the sugar cookie? can a heart really be wearing a teddy? am i sort of offended? are you trying to turn on your significant other with a cookie bouquet? cookies?

i thought maybe i was overreacting to the lingerie sugar cookie so i took a poll to see how weird people ranked sugar cookies decorated to look like lingerie on a scale from one to ten. here were the results:

brian 7 or 8
todd 9
colleen 5-6
arlo 6 (unless its a coworker who stares at you and breathes funny then its a 8)
samantha 11
jacob 7
and me 8.5

so i guess sugar cookies arent as sexy as you might (but probably didnt) think.

Monday, February 12, 2007

why i want to be mexican

here is the deal with being older single and mormon, your single status is the only thing people want to talk about. ever. sometimes i want to discuss the weather or celebrity gossip but i cant change the topic away from my unmarried state long enough to find out if it is going to snow or if seth and summer broke up for reals.

as far as i can tell my single status is the most fascinating thing to the following groups of people: family, friends, co-workers, people in my ward, the IRS, people in my parents ward, acquaintances, anyone that is in any ward anywhere, my hairdresser, people i am on dates with and strangers. the conversation no longer is who are you dating oh that is fun. its more like. what the hell is wrong with you? lets discuss. in detail. all the time. at first i thought i could get away from it all somehow. these were my options as i saw them:

1) runway to mexico (the problem i see with this is mexicans are always asking me if i have a novio(and after working in a mexican restaurant i know what that means. that and queso) so this is probably not a solution)

2) start going to really loud concerts until i develop serious hearing damage (we are talking miracle ear here) (the problem with this is people say the word marriage to me so much that i am afraid i would be able to lip read)

dont get me wrong. i like to talk about dating and relationships and love and whatever and i often like to talk about these things as they relate to me. but sometimes i also like to talk about mtv programming, books i hate, how i still secretly think i might get ebola, etc. and then i realized no wonder people just want to talk about my dating status, ebola? (seriously can i get it? this is why i shouldnt watch documentaries).

anyway i am trying to take more responsibility for what i previously thought was everyone elses morbid fascination with my non married status. turns out i am just boring.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

OCD update

i have had a pretty moderate to severe case of OCD since i graduated from high school. it only involves hands. i cant get over the fact i think they are germ infested. i dont like them (including my own) anywhere near my mouth or food. which doesnt make me a germ freak people. please i dont care if you drink from my straw or use my toothbrush. just dont touch my food dammit.

shane suggested that for the new years i stop being OCD. mostly he didnt want to move from the bench and let me out so i could wash my hands. shane can be so sensitive. anyway, something magical must have happened that day because my OCD is really clearing up (i am sort of implying shane might have magical powers, but i dont think he knows about them). i can eat things i touch like 30% of the time (this is seriously such an improvement but the 0% of the time i used to deal with) and i let bean put his fingers in my mouth. it is easier for me to go to places where i have to watch people make my food and touch it at the same time. i let my mom butter my muffin. yeah these are some pretty amazing break throughs. i wouldnt be surprised if some science journal publishes about it pretty soon.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

i hope they call bean on a mission

little beanie is practicing for the picture for his plaque with this shot displaying how reverent he can be. although he can't preach yet (mostly because he can't talk), his mission is already being anticipated by rose's relief society teacher. she asked rose to bring bean to RS and as a lesson aid to sing to him "I hope they call you on a mission" as though it is a lullaby. so i went because i thought hey that sounds pretty funny, how will rose keep a straight face, what will bean do and how cheesy is that? but rose sang like an all star. and it brought tears to many an eye. testimonies were born about how touching it was. and truth be told i thought it was kind of sweet. next time i teach RS i think i will ask rose and bean to perform. oh and i dont teach RS so that probably wont happen.