merry christmas my mom doesnt know who i am

my mother told me for christmas this year that she didnt know me (in that she couldnt think of anything i like). specifically, after 28 years she doesnt know what i like to eat and/or do. she realized her lack of knowledge regarding me (her only daughter) while trying to find me presents for my stocking (there is no santa).

i dont think the eating thing is that hard. i like to drink diet coke and ham.

and does she not know about how i like jeans? and for christmas i think she should have tried to stuff my stocking with a pair of jordache jeans. i am pretty excited that jordache is attempting a comeback (with fairly reasonable prices ranging from 30-150 american dollars).

jordache jeans have been around since 1978 (which was the year i was born...maybe i should remind my mom) and were some of (if not the first) designer jeans. anyway, why i think jordache jeans have a special place in my heart is because they started the tight jean trend marketed for both men and women (didnt go over as well for men). i like jordache jeans so much more than contempories such as calvin klein (they WILL make your ass look bad) and Guess? (guess what they suck) and i do not support their comebacks.

anyway, i wrote down a pretty comprehensive list of my likes, dislikes and allergies for my mother. she is going to be pretty excited that pollen doesnt really affect me anymore.

jean pick of the week

we all know my materialistic self manifests itself in the form of denim. and these are my new favorite ones. they are they best hudsons because they are smokey. (i think smokey is one of the most versatile colors in denim but i have been told i am wrong on this) and i like them significantly more than the new smokey citizens which i cant find online for everyone to compare so you will just have to trust me that they are way better (although rose said she likes them just as well). i also like that hudsons are not carried at nordstrom anymore so we can all feel great about buying some. so if anyone is in the market for jeans with the british flag on the ass, i think these are the ones for you.

My Ex Tv Bfs

This post was inspired by Cicada

Sawyer from LOST

Why I shouldnt have liked him: he is an asshole

Why I did like him: he is an asshole. also, i love how patriotic he is. he is the only one who is a good american on the whole damn island. he is keeping capitalism alive and well. by hoarding away all the guns, meds, anything of value and then forcing his co-islanders to barter and trade in life or death situation for the supplies...he brings the american dream to the island. some of you may say thats not fair, sawyer is just taking the other passengers possessions and then forcing them to buy them back (jack would probably say that. i hate jack). but i think the pilgrams had a similar system with the native amercians. so i like sawyer. because he is an american (actually no its because he takes his shirt off ALOT).

Why we broke up: sawyer just hasnt been emotionally available since his dad killed his mother in front of him. you can only date a boy because he takes off his shirt a lot for so long (approximately 6 1/2 months).

Michael Knight from Project Runway

Why i shouldnt have liked him: he is a workaholic and as a designer has a lot of self absorbed potential.

Why i did like him: because he made one of my favorite outfits on this season of project runway. and i thought it was cute that he gave kayne the heads up whenever kayne's dresses took a turn for the hookerish (most of the time). and damn that boy can accessorize.

Why we broke up: since he is no longer on tv it feels like we have really grown apart. i am not that in to long distance relationships so we called it off.

seth cohen from the OC

Why i shouldnt have liked him: because i love him and summer together and i would never want to come between their magical relationship.

Why i did like him: seth is by far my most long term tv boyfriend (it lasted 2 1/2 seasons). i love him so much. he is nerdy and witty and skinny and tall....the perfect boy.

Why we broke up: it started around when seth missed his boston college interview and started smoking pot. i couldnt bear to see him throw away his life like that. oh and he might be gay. it was recently brought to my attention that he and ryan are very close (like in love close)...seth did freak out and run away when ryan left. the story checks out. so maybe i dont want to come between ryan and seth...

birthday blog

it was my birthday on november 3rd and as we all know i feel strongly about birthdays. my grandpa had two birthdays and i was always so jealous. you might say hey how did that happen. it wasnt one of those things were he was born close to midnight and they werent sure or whatever. mostly his mom had a really bad memory (she swore it was march 10) and/or there was a typo on his birth certificate (which reads march 9). so anyway he had two birthdays.

highlights of age 27 include:
1) i like odd numbers so much more than even
2) i passed the bar...wait that was 26
3) i bought an icecream maker

yeah it was kind of a sucky year. which is why i have such high hopes for 28. i think its going to be awesome. and this is how i know. last year my roommates took me to Aladdin's my favorite Mediterranean restaurant and then i went home for a surprise party,which had both a craft table AND costco cake. it was seriously so rad and one of my favorite birthdays of all time. furthermore, i flew home to get sworn in after passing the bar and my family had this great party for me and lots of friends were magically in town including becky and everyone came by and we had a really fun time. anyway, the year that followed more or less sucked. its because my birthday was so great.

which is why my birthday this year gives me so much hope for a great year ahead. my roommates were going to a relief society retreat so i thought there was a decent chance i was going to be alone on my birthday but last minute colleen bribed warren into taking me to vegas... were we got a flat tire and spent 3 hours in a casino parking garage. no one in my family actually wanted to have a birthday party for me except for my mom (thanks mom). two weeks after my birthday she managed to guilt every family member into coming over for my birthday dinner which consisted of dinner in a pumpkin (pictured below). sadly, my mom added way too much sugar and i couldnt eat any (pre-diabetic). furthermore, all my friends have moved away and no one was visiting or around so for like the first time in like 28 years it was just my family and we all know how i feel about strictly family events. yikes. anyway, over all i had bad birthday karma.... which equals fantastic year.

what music television has taught me

now that i have all the time in the world to dedicate to MTV programming i would just like to list some of the life lessons that i have learned in the last week or so.

first, laguna beach. i have learned a helluva lot about friendship. its almost like i dont even know where to begin. like when breanna (l.c.'s little sister) wrote a note to raquel/rocky about mending their friendship and then raquel/rocky went over and they resolved to be friends no matter what tessa thought. tessa has been holding everyone back. i am not sure how because i have only seen 3/4ths of an episode but as far as i can tell she just doesnt want people to be happy. i hate tessa. but she has great hair.

second, real world road rules challenge "the duel". i have learned a lot about love just from the commercials for real world road rules challenge "the duel". i just think its so great that nehemiah and beth are totally in love. like for the first time ever beth just really likes a boy and or another person or something that isnt evil and its so sweet that she does nice things like trying to form something that resembles emotional attachment (sex). i mean its taken beth like 29 seasons of the real world road rules challenge to open up like this. i am just glad i had the foresight to keep watching or i would have missed out on this amazing development.

parental control. what HAVENT i learned from this show. i mean even though its scripted the underlying themes of love, jealously, disappointment, apathy and crazy teenage passion are just so strong. its like reading the bell jar and catcher but without the mental breakdowns. although each episode is more or less the same (the plot=disenchanted parents interview potential dates for their teenager because they hate boy/girlfriend, each parent picks a date for their teenager, parents watch the dates with teenager's boy/girlfriend that they hate, trash talk between parents and boy/girl friend (usually involving sexual experiences with teenager and hated boy/girl friend), teenager goes on date and likes both dates (ALWAYS), has a hard time deciding (ALWAYS), but usually picks old boy/girl friend much to parents dismay and pain (old boy/girlfriend fondle teenager in front of parents)) i come away from each episode better able to recognize what is really important in relationships. also, i just think its great that parents are taking interest in their childrens lives. it really gives me hope for america. that and the dems took over congress. maybe i have reasons to wake up in the morning (but probably not).

unemploydo. its spanish for unemployed.

i know everyone is dying to know how my first week of unemployment went and if i have found a job and/or plunged into the depression that is sure to engulf me when i realize that i have no financial security and no reason to wake up...and the answer is no to both questions.

i have mostly been trying to keep myself busy to avoid said depression. i went to a museosaur (that is what aaron calls the dinosaur museum) in my backyard in St. George. i took a photo with Dr. Johnson for proof of said visit (pictured above). i felt really bad for dr. johnson. he was going to make a fortune building an apartment complex for dixie coeds when he stumbled upon a dino fossil. and instead of hurrying and covering it up he actually told people about it. what a nut. i never really figured out how he knew it was a fossil. i spent 14 minutes trying to see them they just looked like random rock markings to me. which led me to believe maybe i have no future in archeology. or animal tracking. or anything that requires spacial organization.

i also went to brigham young's winter house in st george and learned a lot about cotton and silk worms. also, there were some pretty cool quilts there but the sister missionary didnt know if they were originals. she knew lots of other stuff though so don't be too hard on her.

i went hiking to snow canyon which was named after one of the 12 apostles when it was settled. i learned that at brother brigham's house.

i moved for ninth time in two years. i am pretty good at it. i have packing down to an art. maybe i do have spacial organzation after all.

i have also watched every episode of gilmore girls and the office. if you are ever unemployed access to cable and tivo are key. that is my unemployed tip of the day.

with a schedule like this i am sure to ward off the depression for 3 maybe 4 more days.

unemployed in greenland

i am watching the food network and thinking about how much more time i will be able to devout to television that i love now that i am unemployed. or will be shortly. i plan on watching arrested development season 3, the OC season 1 and 3 (now that i know that dirty marissa died i am back in) and maybe half of the last season of Lost.

so yes the news is true i have finally quit the craziness that was my firm. i hope to be transferring to some crazy firm in the general area of slc shortly. first i have to go to the grand canyon. but then i hope to find myself in the greater slc metro area.

um does anyone need an attorney?

so there is that...

so i finally got my dream mullet, you know a cross between Alison Kelly from project runway, Scarlet Johansen's hair on Lost in Translation (when she is not the pink wig) and the blonde girl in ABBA. however, greg recently brought it to my attention that i may have another celebrity look alike when it comes to my hair...

henri rousseau and my bathroom

i popped into the national art gallery whilst in dc over the weekend. i always have to see the small (and lets face it occasionally medium) french painting exhibit. its true i like french art. so you can imagine my excitement to see the henri rousseau exhibit "jungle in paris" right above small french paintings. here is the thing i like about henri 1) as far as i can tell he has never met an attractive person or chooses not to paint them 2) absolutely no regard for proportion unless flowers really are bigger than tigers 3) the painting, la guerre (the war) is the scariest thing i have ever seen in oil (i am pretty sure i said yikes out loud) and 4) he is so much better in real life, you should go to the exhibit or it would be like watching king kong on my small 18 inch tv (which i did)(still scared the hell out of me). Anyway henri liked to draw tigers and lions chewing other animals. and strangely enough...it reminded me of my bathroom. i lived in a very lovely house in arlington, and in the shower it had a delightful little mural of a lion pouncing on a very peaceful looking deer. you know just a nice little scene you can look at while you condition your hair. there are blood droplets. don't worry, not all of the deer die violent deaths in the mural. some are seen frolicking to the left of the tree despite the fact the lion is ripping off their buddies back.

Here is the whole mural. which has already been blogged about before by duffleboy who stayed at my former abode. incidentally, he was my sunday school teacher in london (loved his lessons). if you click on the link you can read all about his comparative bathroom study which features my old bathroom. however, i have to disagree with the best parts of our bathroom analysis, does he remember the green corner toilet? thats a rare treasure. peeing at an angle. what fun.

dream your ABC's

my roommate andrea (who i love) doesnt like to throw anything away (which i dont love) and wanted to find a place for this poster (which i hate). she found my kitchen wall.

what i found is that the dream your ABC's poster is sort of like the color code or personality test. everyone has a letter they relate to and defines them. i personally like "xcellerate your efforts" for several reasons. i like to multi task and accomplish goals. i am bad at spelling and this is clearly misspelled. i have no idea why they choose accelerate when there are so many good words that either start with x or sound like x. and sometimes i make lots of choices that dont make sense. and thats why i choose xcellerate your efforts.

so go ahead and do some soul searching and pick a letter. . .

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits
Believe in yourself
Consider things from every angle
Don't give up and don't give in
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come
Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches
Give more than you planned to
Hang on to your dreams
Ignore those who try to discourage you
Just do it
Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier
Love yourself first and most
Make it happen
Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal
Open your eyes and see things as they really are
Practice makes perfect
Quitters never win and winners never quit
Read study and learn about everything important in your life
Stop procrastinating
Take control of your own destiny
Understand yourself in order to better understand others
Visualize it
Want it more than anything
Xcellerate your efforts
You are unique of all God's creations nothing can replace you
Zero in on your target and go for it!

cowboy up

some people say there is nothing to do in st. george and these people are right. unless you are talking about the three days a year st. george has a rodeo...

i went with my friends colleen and warren. fortunately, neither of them suffer from livestock allergies, unlike my friend meat hooks. there are many great things about the st george rodeo. it provides everyone with an opportunity to remember what the american flag looks like because it is displayed around the rodeo at minimum 63 times. i have been trying to decide if the rodeo royalty princesses' shirt counts as a flag even though the red stripes were just red tassels....i am going to go ahead and say yes. 64 flags.

the rodeo started off right with a prayer. i don't know if rodeo prayers are constitutionally legal but i am going to go ahead and give it my ok. there are lots of amendments i just sort of skip over. if fact, it was only my third year of law school that i actually sat down and read the whole thing. you would not BELIEVE what is in there....

anywho, the announcer prayed that no one would get hurt in their high risk behavior and that someday when we get to the big arena in the sky that God will say admission is free. there were some other great cowboy analogies that i can't recall. i may or may not have laughed. my friend warren said that a women was trying to take pictures of the crowd during the prayer and had her camera pointed towards us before my little outburst (which bytheway was silent). which brings me to my next two points. firstly, i don't think people should take pictures of other people's attempts at communicating with God, because hey, that is private. secondly, i don't think warren should have had his eyes open during the prayer, i hope his irreverence didn't cause a trampling. we left early so i will never know.

i must say i always enjoy the political commentary while eating my delicious dollar nachos. the jokes are fairly predictable with saddam and hillary clinton being the main punch lines. evil dictators and democrats seem to be the biggest threat to america. although there is a lot of opportunity during muttin bustin to contemplate politics i recommend that any political discussions that don't end in george w bush being allowed to run for a third term should be avoided until you have exited the rodeo (and perhaps utah).

i am going to go ahead and get to my favorite part of the rodeo....monkeys on dogs hearding sheep. warren said he went last year and there were mini horses but that the monkeys were even better. he wanted to go back and rescue the monkeys but i think that once you are a trained monkey sheep hearder its hard to go back into the wild. besides where would we take them, snow canyon?

and on a semi unrelated note i heard a rumor that wranglers have changed their designs and colors. which reminds me of my summer goal for 2003 which was to bring wranglers back. i really let that one slip but i figure my jeans cant get much tighter (as illustrated below) so i half way there. . .

weena's wedding!

here we all our at timmy and weena's wedding reception sitting at the DCA table (people sat according to their airports, clever weena). here we are waiting to catch the bouquet. although heba is 6 feet tall she didnt manage to catch it....strangely enough, i was cut out of the wedding toast line up. i think it was because i was going to mention their first date makeout which was followed the next day by their first booty call where they got snowed in a church parking lot whilst making out. Occasional someone will say "let it snow" but we arent referring to the weather as much as the hope that we are in a church parking lot in our mom's car making out. well...maybe not those exact circumstances but you get the general idea.
oh and i also was going to mention how breena and tim met through "mutual friends" and how breena swore up and down she would never date a utah boy. cutting me out of that wedding toast program was the best wedding decision they made next to those artichoke cracker horderves.
712 girls. that house does have some uncanny marriage karma. we should charge extra for that... arlington isnt expensive enough.
i love heba. she is saving up money to go to Algeria to help people and stuff. and look for cute interpreters. hey it cant all be all about humanitarian aid.

our first attempt at reproduction

Hayden Beecher

that's right i have a nephew. on labor day and i wanted to capture the excitement he felt hanging out with me, his favorite aunt. i really like him. he really likes ceiling fans. so we dont have much in common, except i think we are both a little scared of grandma...oh and we are both super cute when we pull that face. i use it when i really like a boy. gets them everytime.

Swiss Days....Pretty Much My Second Favorite Festival

So i went to Swiss Days in Midway last weekend. I didn't shower after yoga or change out of the clothes I wore the day before but that didn't stop me from going. Which is why I look so fantastic standing next to this little German boy I met in the brat line.

That front pocket in liederhosen comes in very handy. Good for cell phones, spare change, shane's hands...

My FAVORITE part about Swiss days was actually not the sauerkraut, the flags displayed everywhere or all those crafts. It was the fact that there were hand washing stations EVERYWHERE. Its like my OCD heaven....

This young man was calling everyone he knew to tell them about how awesome swiss days were. He was also calling to tell everyone how I almost bought a four leaf clover for $35. Its a little embarrassing and I don't want to talk about it. Other highlights include an elderly woman from Idaho who invited me to be in her quilting guild. And now it is pretty much my plan D in life. It would be plan C if it didn't involve Idaho. I wonder if you have to try out for quilting guilds...

Quilt Show Part II and Goodbye Pluto

oh and i wasnt done with the quilts. and i am not done with pluto. but i can't feel the same way about it if its not a planet. i was recently told that the problem lies with me and not with pluto. but hey, i am not the one that shrunk or whatever pluto did to get itself downgraded. to help ease pluto's pain i put it by my favorite quilt. it combines circles and flowers and doesn't involve concentration camps.

Quilt Show Part I

I recently went to the Springville Art Museums Quilt Show (it goes until September 3rd) and if you like quilts you should check it out. I think the Amish would approve (although we tend to use much more color than the Amish. they avoid pastels entirely, not sure why. probably relgious reasons...however, there was a cute bonnet quilt i think they would dig)....






I think there is a 35% chance I could quilt the baby one but everything else is way out of my league. Especially the one in the middle that was hand stiched and pieced by an old woman in a black and white picture. Thats real hard to do. There was an intersting African quilt series that I liked and a really great quilt that some eagle scout will cherish forever (although for the record i dont really approve of pictures on quilts. they remind me of those places in the mall where girls put their faces on pillow cases for thier missionaries). There was a holocaust quilt that I thought was kind of disturbing...i really do prefer the double wedding ring pattern to autchwitz. I am of the firm opinion that quilts should be cheerful because you sleep with them and you dont want to induce nightmares...I personally recommend the pretty pink one with flowers for a good night sleep. Well that and ambien.

next time take me to space camp

this post is dedicated to Scott Adam Crandall. he is leaving provo to move to texas and i am starting to regret that we never got married because his spelling skills are top notch (playing boggle with this kid will blow your mind, i cant imagine what scrabble would be like...) scotty we will miss you lots. I am sure you will miss everyone as well-- i know if i shared sleeping space with wyatt it would be hard to leave...but dont fret, if you get lonely you might be able to find comfort in the arms of some fitness model that flags you down while you are walking down the streets of dallas....it could happen.

on an unrelated note to scotty is it weird that I watch workout on purpose?at first i told myself it was because i was waiting for project runway to come on and then i realized i liked it. i have problems...