Tuesday, May 27, 2008

i dont want to talk about trees anymore

i think i tend to whine and be on the needy side of emotional. i also like to think most people dont know this besides a handful of selected friends and my immediate family. my cousins probably have their suspicions.

anyway, sometimes i get extra whiny and emotional. possibly based on the lunar cycle. i find that someone telling me i am pretty (and if convenient a nice head pat) makes me feel better. however, who best to do to this? clearly not my mom whom although full of unconditional love is not full of unconditional compliments. and it had to be someone on google chat because i am out of minutes. so obviously i turn to my best friend bexy who is very patient and reassuring and whom i have horded enough of her possessions that she wouldnt dare not answer my phone calls. or in this case my google chat.

so bexy had her hands full today. i estimate at least 75 minutes of me saying "im fugly*" "my body is too flat and compact" and "no man in the world could possibly be attracted to me." she did her best to cheer me up by perving on me over IM (and doing an excellent job) when my forced compliment conversation with bexy (and just when i was about to move on to my personality flaws) was interrupted by a man (a seventy-year-old man) who works in my office. he walked by and did a double take. then he proceeded to tell me how much he liked my new hair cut and color. for a long time. so long i am going to start looking over my shoulder when i walk to my car.

what can i say it felt good.

also my landlord likes my hair. i know because i accidentally sent him pictures of it and he responded that he liked my new do and wanted to know if i could re-sign my lease.

i said yes.

*im not sure if the word fugly was used. but i thought it. and i like to say it. so maybe i did.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

the power is out. why am i alive?

how is my stomach lining doing? i dont mean to be a baby about this but i still have holes and i cant drink diet coke. for the record i have only had 5 diet cokes since February 28. that is only 60 ounces of diet coke. but this is what i have come to learn.

i love it.

it tastes like dirt.

how come i never noticed that dirt taste before? i drank one today. i let it sit in my mouth while it defizzed. it was either my enamel or my stomach and i choose my stomach. i dont know why. my teeth are great and my stomach is the shits. i should try and preserve my good assets.

enough about my internal angst.

a sister missionary told me a joke today. she said in pageants in the philippines the judges ask the contestants what their favorite color is and one girl said fuchsia and then they asked her how to spell it and she said actually i think my favorite color is red. it wasnt a very good joke and i probably wouldnt convert based on it but i thought i was nice for her to try.

oh and i am already mormon.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

i got my molars early in life

my family made a time capsule. we didnt bother waiting until trevor was born. but to be fair we didnt know he was going to be. i have a pretty distinct memory of being sad when i grew out of this dress. you might not be able to see how great it is but it had watermelons and cotton lace which i knew at a young age was a rare but wonderful combination.

i have nothing else to say.

Monday, May 12, 2008

the pros and cons of division

mothers day conversations:

i told becky if i was a ghost i might watch people having sex. she called me a dirt bag.

during a walk with my mom in which she told me i was both too picky and didnt have high enough standards (i couldnt get to the bottom of that).

i told my mom was i very impressed with my cousins crafting and sewing abilities and she said she was surprised she was so good. and i asked why and she said because my cousin couldnt crawl until she was one (i couldnt get to the bottom of that either).

my nephews awesome outfit AND his first directed question at me. he said "nally dhigh sieh dhgishhh puppy?" (i think the question had to do with a puppy. i told him i was allergic.).

my mothers attempt to clarify our previous conversation where she told me boys arent perfect and something else about standards (i dont remember it because i was reading an article on the trial of korihor. it was pretty boring.).

i told my mom i wouldnt decorate her grave because i knew she wouldnt be there (or appreciate it). she said thats true but i will be watching you. i told her she had better close her eyes.

my dad asked if i had a seventy two hour kit and i said no and that if there was a natural disaster i planned on dying and he said he figured as much.

i told becky about my mom perving on me when she was dead and becky reminded me about how i said four hours prior to this conversation i said i would watch people having sex if i was a ghost. touche.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

a woman of letters

oh yeah becky and i made pretty great easter baskets this year. i forgot about them until just now.

i got this email recently

subject: the intelligencia
message: is on to you.
act now, but be safe.


thanks r. did you mean intelligensia? you know me (do you?) i dont care about spelling. spelling is so confining (dont you think?) and i am the laziest writer i know. anyway i am not sure the distinction is important but i cant google anything about the intelligencia so maybe it doesnt exist. either way i doubt they are onto me. and i am always safe. for example i never talk to strangers and i try not to eat preservatives.

its funny because someone wanted to set me up with someone they knew so they told me to check out his blog. maybe blogging is the new e harmony. the conversation went something like this:

someone: i have someone i want to set you up with!
me: really
someone: yes. its perfect...he is an attorney
me: uh huh
someone: he likes to travel and is super outdoorsy
me: hmm
someone: he likes to make pottery
me: really! i like boys who like crafts
someone: ummm

Friday, May 02, 2008

heaven is a large and interesting place

may may may may may may may. i hope you arent as cruel.

agent cooper woke up from a dream chewing on his earplug. he dreamt it tasted like gross candy. that happened to me once. its nice to know i am not the only person that has happened to even if the other person is fictional.

speaking of fictional characters i thought i saw a ghost at a church while i was doing yoga. i only thought it was a ghost because the figure looked smudgy in the dark. and on the way in i noticed a car with a vanity plate that said "DIE". i was complaining about dying earlier and b said he would be sad if i did but he was excited to get started on the natali memorial quilt. i should probably teach him how to sew because you never know. in fact i can help you get started on it (and by you i mean b)(or really anyone sewing a quilt in my memory) because i have lots of fabric i need to use up.

speaking of quilts i really like these ones.