Monday, March 31, 2008

so...i guess we are engaged or something

i have noticed that bexy and i are having a lot of conversations that go like this:

bexy: i forgot to take my bc last night. i hope i dont get preggers.
me: that would be the worst.
bexy: the absolute worst... and impossible.
me: its happened before. that mary story haunts me. but maybe we should make some sort of pact. if either of us get knocked up the other one should try to get knocked up. then we can both have babies.
bexy: oh fun!
me: i know i am way excited. this is the best idea i have ever had.
bexy: also that way when i tell my mom and she is crying "NOOOOO WHY NOOOO" i can say "its ok. natali got pregnant so it just felt like the right thing to do."
me: yeah lets not tell my parents. hopefully they will just think i am getting fat and babysitting a lot. or i guess there is always my pretending to move out of the state plan...

this really isnt a scene out of juno because we arent 16 and we arent into adoption. well we arent into the giving end of adoption. there are some ideas regarding adoption in mormon culture that have always bothered me. for example i have encountered the general opinion that many mormons automatically assume that the motivations behind single people (or gays) adopting is selfishness whereas when married people adopt its a very giving and altruistic act. (i am assuming this attitude somehow stems from the emphasis on traditional family units but i cannot be sure of its origins). i dont think people are automatically better parents if they come in pairs.* in fact i dont understand logically how people can still buy into the belief that by virtue of being married people make better parents with so many examples of crappy parents around us who are married. my favorite part of juno was when jennifer garner's character decided to go through with the adoption on her own even though her husband split. my least favorite part was when they sang that song together at the end. anyway, i thought it was great that she adopted as a single.

*it should be noted that from my conversations regarding this matter i learned that although single parents cannot handle healthy, well adjusted children, they can effectively parent emotionally troubled or disabled and/or older children alone.
**no pacts or wills posted on this blog will be considered legally binding

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

if i forgive you all this

i recently self diagnosed myself as a person who tries to get away with as much as i can. it was self diagnosed because A) no one has ever told me this B) i have known myself for a long time and i consider myself "self aware" C) i was reviewing the questionnaire for the MMPI and i answered yes to questions such as "i like to get away with as much as i can."

for instance i went to a hearing on wednesday. i rarely go to hearings. litigation makes me nervous. anyway despite my nervousness about the whole situation i pushed snooze on my alarm even though i knew i would be late. then i put on something that wasnt a suit even though i knew i was supposed to wear a suit. then i showed up at the court house without reviewing the file and said this: (first of all the judge asked me what the status on the case was. i was instructed to say the following so i did):

me: your honor we dont object to the motion to dismiss but we would like it to be withOUT prejudice. (i practiced the without prejudice part because with prejudice sort of just rolls off my tongue).
opposing counsel: i didnt know there was a motion to dismiss before the court. i thought we were here for a motion to show cause.
me: (in my head) shit. thats all i had.
opposing counsel: however we wouldnt oppose a motion to dismiss.
judge: fine i will dismiss the case without prejudice.

i consider that a success. other things i try to get away with include avoiding my family on holidays, only having a "vague" idea of my flight itinerary, not washing my hair for a long time and napping outside.

Friday, March 21, 2008

everything isnt a puppy you know

this is my nephew. we let him eat pizza however he wants. we are pretty liberal like that. we still make him wear diapers. his parents dont plaster his picture on the internet for anyone to view so i took it upon myself to do so.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

im sure glad we arent lovers

i have been home sick all week. i think whatever was left of my immune system has officially given up. obviously i have been watching a helluva lot of television. to cover up the wheezing sound from my chest. my favorite show was cool hand luke.

for obvious reasons.

while i was watching all this tv i saw a lot of commercials. one was for reeses peanut butter eggs so i bought some later. which proved to be a mistake. i ate two pieces and remembered i dont really like candy. also, i almost sent myself an edible arrangement.

but i didnt.

i dont like those carl jr commercials. they stress/gross me out. maybe its the ulcers talking but eating anything featured on a carls jr. commercial is not going to digest well and will most likely end in some sort of heart attack or other health risk. brian said that carl jr commercials are marketed to the men discussed in this article and arent marketed towards me at all. but why would a food commercial ever want to gross me out?

it seems wrong.

i wanted to put up a picture of toast. the best thing about being sick is my toast station. i set it up pretty early on (its right next to the cough syrup station). i like toast. sometimes with jam and sometimes with eggs. yesterday when arlo and i were eating dinner i noticed how we started talking about beer because the group next to us was and then the table next to us started talking about alcohol because we were. sometimes conversations are contagious. sort of like bronchitis. i hope i didnt contaminate anyone.

i probably did.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

cant expect anyone to see anything in a civilian

sometimes blogs need pictures so i decided i would put up some pics of me and colls this weekend when she drove up from st george to do my hair.

we took this photo right after watching ANTM.

colls made me look so pretty.

so pretty.

the end.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

patterns of pursuing the irrelevant

i was reasonably sure that the guys that changed my oil stole my brand new green forever 21 shirt. all i knew is that i had a green shirt in my laundry basket when i went into get an oil change then when i went home it was mysteriously gone. i carefully examined chain of custody and decided the shirt disappeared at the oil change place since i was at work the rest of the time. as a victim of a crime committed by a mechanic that didnt involve my car i was really confused. alone. scared. etc. i made up a pretty elaborate story that involved the oil changer guy forgetting his girlfriend's birthday and thinking maybe she would stop withholding sexually if he had some green shirt that actually fitted someone with a freakishly long torso. his girlfriend has a freakishly long torso as well (once i went to buy a pattern for a dress and the lady at the fabric store looked me up and down and measured my torso and told me to avoid anything with a waist due to my freakishly long torso. she didnt say freakish though. she may have thought it). anyway the shirt saved their relationship.

i got home and realized i had taken another green shirt.

heba called me with a moral dilemma when i solved the green shirt mystery. i am no authority on moral dilemmas. remember how i get average grades in ethic classes. my ethics professor asked me a question once and i answered and he said "nicole i think you should rethink things." i really have been rethinking things. anyway heba wanted to know if she should remove a birds nest from the gutter because her land lady asked her to clean them out. i answered no. killing baby birds is not in anyones rental contract. i like baby birds with their chirping and their little stick homes.

other creatures i like include: elephants, kittens, camels (their knees) and kangaroos.