Monday, December 31, 2007

what are the odds of them leaving you on new years

well hello. i am taking a bit of the a break from the blog. hard to tell for how long but who knows maybe it will be better than ever when its back.


Sunday, December 30, 2007

sort of makes you want to reproduce doesnt it

ok here is my most recent competed quilt. i made it for a friend who is having a baby girl. it was probably the first quilt i actually designed myself.

here is the front and back.


and back.

Friday, December 28, 2007

you arent to be trusted with your own love life

we have christmas pudding. its pretty good. and i got a bedazzler.

dougie got these t shirts for christmas. they are japanese illustrations of scientific principles. the green one is significantly harder. i didnt get it. even when i learned what it was. go ahead and guess its fun. (dougie and i think the red one might also be an illustration about heaven).

i think i have seen a movie everyday of this christmas break. sunday i watched bad santa with fight and brian. it was a good feel holiday movie. on christmas eve i watched charlie wilsons war with dougie. we liked it. i think its worth seeing. dougie hasnt seen no country for old men and somehow almost talked me into going with him. i considered it but then i remembered it scared the hell out of me. on christmas i went to the golden compass with my little brother. i liked it. i like those demons. they are cute. i wish i had a demon. yesterday i watched ratatouille with dougie and his parents. um i liked it. when i wasnt dry heaving. rats in the kitchen...i dont care how good of cooks they are that just cant be sanitary ... thursday was sweeny todd and it was the best musical i have seen in a long time. and today bexy and i saw juno. what a treat. we are trying to decide if our parents would be more upset if we got knocked up in high school or now. i think now for sure. but thank goodness i have my plan which of course is to pretend to move to another state and never speak to them again in the event i reproduce out of wedlock.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

i guess you will have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself

i have been watching movies since the holiday break started. its only been two days. i watched atonement first. i am going to discuss the plot of it starting NOW for those of you who dont like to know what happens in movies. quite frankly i would have liked to know the plot of no country for old men before i began watching it but everyone is different. atonement is a pretty movie and the highlight was kera knightleys wardrobe. the plot summary is this:

rich girls shuns hired help boy her whole life
hired help boy sends rich girl a note about her genitalia
rich girl and hired help boy have sex in the library and the rich girls rich little sister walks in on them.

the rest of the plot is so boring i am not even going to write about it. it was around that point i wished we had gone to margot at the wedding.

so margot at the wedding was the next day. i went with clay and becky. clay hated it becky mostly didnt like it and i liked it. becky said she was wishing she was in juno the whole time. who wasnt? teenage sex/pregnancy is so glamorous these days. anyway my favorite line was i wouldnt let anyone else hold you as a baby, i am starting to think that might have been a mistake. actually, the mistake was allowing the movie to become so over the top that you started to hate everyone/thing in it. and then the hate seeped over to other people in the theater and eventually humanity in general. anyway it was pretty good.

today in church sugarcube left early and as a christmas present to himself. i asked if that was what he was giving Jesus. he said no. i dont know what i am getting Jesus this year. i will probably just wait and see what he gets me.

i am trying to decide if that last sentence pushed the line of sacrilege i normally try not to cross. i am also trying to decide if i can get out of spending christmas eve with my family. and finally i am trying to decide what to do with my $25 settlement i received from being in the class action law suit for my credit card usage in england six years ago.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

some say the world will end in fire

my great aunt is refusing hawaii and alaska quarters. my parents were with her when she made this declaration. the conversation (supposedly) went as follows:

mom (mine): i love collecting state quarters (she is very close to having them all).
great aunt: i am done.
mom: but you dont have alaska or hawaii
great aunt: (apparently made a motion of disgust with her hand) they dont count.
dad (mine): hawaii was made a state in 1898 (this is true) and alaska...sometime after that (you can tell he is a teacher with a diplomatic personality).
mom: they ARE states. dont be silly. (my mother is incredibly loyal, patriotic and a little dismissive).
great aunt: i dont need them. (i assume at this point she started grumbling about fat people. that wasnt confirmed but it is more or less a given).


its hard to have to choose between a controlling/withholding vampire and an immature/sexually assaulting werewolf. but lets just say i will be sporting a TEAM JACOB t-shirt as soon as they become available.


i have been carbonation free for three days (although in the spirit of blog honesty i am drinking the last diet squirt in my fridge as i write this). i am miserable. i dont know how to make this better. brian said to get a new addiction(s) but that is easier said than done. i was so happy with carbonation. i know we had some problems. it was rotting off my enamel. probably depleting my calcium. oh yes and irritating the hell out of those holes in my stomach. but i will be damned if i dont think about drinking carbonation all the time. for the love no one offer me drugs.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

i prefer to give inhabitants a say

my boss recently told me the secret to dating was faking an interest in sports. in fact faking all your interests. i said i had been taking a similar approach only i fake having no interests. really all that is important is that you fake something.

my friend fight was recently wrong about my interests lately. we were texting about nicknames and dr. knife. he said dr. knife sang songs about wanting to be the new satan and killed God and hung out with the old satan and how i would like it. when i didnt respond for awhile (because i was at lunch arguing with shane about whether i hate everything he loves) fight sent me a reassuring text that it is just music and none of that stuff really happened.

i am really interested in quilting. but its boring to talk about. unless you are in my quilt class. the conversation last week went something like this:
49 year old lady in my quilting class (resembles betty crocker): my boss is very uptight about driving with me alone. he said is improper.
65 year old quilting instructor: what does he think will happen?
49: i am not sure should i be offended? natali does this ever happen to you?
natali: sure. its part of the reason why women attorneys have a hard time advancing in their careers. male partners wont take them to lunch or golf because they think it will look inappropriate. does anyone have any more of that red material?
49: well i dont like it very much. i am not sure why he is so uptight.
65: sounds like what he needs is a blow job.
49: seriously it would do him a world of good.
natali: about that red material...

Monday, December 03, 2007

its always been wait and see

there arent enough crafts in the world.

(or sprinkles).

Thursday, November 29, 2007

and if you cant show us the way forgive us for being lost

my boss told me today that he believes anything dr. laura says without even thinking about it. i told him if he did think about it he was realize everything she said was sexist. we then debated how sexist dr. laura is. to be fair i know almost nothing about dr. laura. i have never read a thing she has written or heard her show. there was a time (2005) that i passionately discussed a couple of books like i had read them (they were all about social reform... i think) and i am afraid i am falling back into old habits. but come on. she wrote a book called the proper care and feeding of husbands. i extrapolated from the title that the book encourages women to be subordinate domestic servants to their husbands catering to their every emotional and physical need.

speaking of traditional marriage. i wonder if God really is married. my friend breena showed me this post. when i do think about heavenly mother i find it a little unsettling. she is definitely an absentee parent. but maybe she has her own goals that she is pursuing. i understand. but i can say catholicism appeals to me because they have so many women role models in their religion. mother mary is pretty great. you pray to her and she helps you. and then a whole bunch of women saints who are bettering themselves and their community. that and i like the candles.

Monday, November 19, 2007

no one wants to be e

i like stories. i think they are telling. get it. anyway i dont care much about interests. what do interests tell you. nothing i care about. but stories can tell 1) what external factors have shaped people 2) how they interpreted their experiences and 3) their underlying and perhaps unconscious views about life and coping mechanisms. that is why i think dating should be almost comprised of story telling. that and making out.

in mormonism you have testimony meetings. which is a once a month sort of thing where anyone in the congregation can stand up and bear testimony about God and stuff. it seems that recently the approach to testimonies has been to state things you know. i dislike this approach. i dont think knowing is really all that important. i think its nice when people can relate personal experiences that reflect their interactions with God or even what they think might be their interactions with God. i like the idea and concept of people who want to believe congregating and sharing stories. i recently read an article regarding testimonies. the author described how telling spiritual experiences in testimonies helps the congregation self identify "in a powerful, binding ritual of narrative-based testimony"and that this is important and meaningful because the fact that God "interacts with us, even in the slightest way, creates an underlying relevance to the story we tell." Tessa Meyer Santiago, Telling our Stories of Jesus: the Necessary Narrative, The Clark Memorandum Fall Edition 2007, 31-35. she believes that testifying only using declarative statements such as i know "encourages a uniformity of form but a lack of substance." i agree. the importance in relating any spiritual experience is not to testify regarding knowledge (in fact testifying strictly regarding spiritual knowledge is too limiting) but instead to relate experiences or feelings that persuade you to feel a certain way and unite you to the group. describing your love for you family or the death of a friend or a nice sunset or sin may be your testimony that there is a God. the religious community is not dependent on status or class but instead on relating these religious experiences. as society and individuals change the narrative(s) changes. but the value is in documenting the story. the faith, the apostasy, the repentance, the discouragement and the hope is just part of the narrative. thus, all testimony should be accepted without regard if it is weak, circumstantial, unsure or perhaps even insincere. these testimonies are valid since they are reflections of what the person and society is experiencing. the best testimony i have personally heard came from a man born in china who i could barely understand. the second one was from a middle aged women whose cats died.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

if this is communication

natali: ...i thought my mom would be way more upset.
boss: oh well you are already a huge disappointment. it cant get worse.
natali: how so?
boss: you are an older single mormon woman who is an attorney.
natali: i see your point.

dad (via text): how are you?
natali: good thanks. how are you?
dad: my neck hurt so i took 2 ibup. mom is tired. trevor is fine.

cicada (via IM): Sometimes when I see and interact with our parents, I really wonder where you came from.
me: how so?
cicada: I just don't see you in either of them. Maybe I have to interact with George more. Like, I think it was especially your mom at the reception. Just talking to her. I was like, "Natali? Are you in there? Nope!"

jesse (via email):Even if everything is going well I'd like to hear from you. Also, feel free to add this e-mail address to your contact list so you can reach us with any questions you may have in the future.
natali: you want to hear from me and you are saying we have a future? (in my head. actual reply). thanks everything is going well.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

with as skinny as you are you are going to have to eat tomorrow

so today i woke up thinking something was wrong. like someone just told me bad news but no one did. then i read my horoscope which said this:

A stronger sense of nervousness can guide you towards greater caution, Natali.

what the hell? if there is one thing i do not need its a stronger sense of nervousness what with my recent ulcer diagnosis.

i think the following things have contributed to the ominous feeling:

1) that movie i watched about corruption in brazil that made me lose my faith in humanity
2) the fact that i thought i might get fired because i got a piercing and lost so much time working because of said ulcer and maybe because i suck at my job (recently i discussed with reno should never agree to working on weekends. it went like this)

3:28 PM me: oh you should take lessons from me
i am barely employable
i can't picture you at work
is that weird?
dave and i were actually talking about it
me: what?
reno: he was like... do you think natali's funny at work?
or do you think she has to be serious all the time

if playing scrabble and writing memos is funny then i am a hoot. my paralegal is way funnier than i am. i have been writing down every way she uses the f word in case i have time to write a book about paralegal humor.
3) its not the weather. the weather makes me really happy.
4) it may have been the moon. arent peoples moods affected by the moon. that might just be menstrual cycles. which in turn affects your mood.
5) ANTM was particularly creepy. we thought heather might be dying. or turning into a vampire.

(also i had a really nice birthday. ck came into town and tried to find me a booty call. she did a pretty good job. her picks included the 19 year old kid at the pizza place by my house (although i did take a picture of him serving alcohol in case i ever have to prove to the cops i thought he was 21)(i dont) and jesse the piercer. who is surprising cute and nice for someone who likes to put needles through other people).

Monday, October 29, 2007

men are afraid women will laugh at them. women are afraid men will kill them.

ok so i am wearing the same keds as this girl at a concert (band unknown) (by me) (photography complimentary of reno). i am just wondering who wore them better?

what else has been on my mind lately you ask? the following thoughts:

it is impossible for me to feel badly for cable companies because people manage to steal cable. i wish daily i could steal cable and internet. dont get me wrong cable companies are not like walmart or insurance companies or anything. but its hard to feel bad for corporations. i analyzed their ad campaign. their best commercial is clearly the one where one guy turns in this jerk at his work because he made fun of his balding head. i dont understand you are a bad person because you get free HBO approach but i do understand not liking someone and ratting them out. so the moral approach is kind of offensive because lets face it corporations are not exactly shining examples of good behavior. however, i think i am ok with the revenge/spite campaign.

when will i be able to buy these jeans?

for awhile i thought it was ok to oppose gay marriage on religious grounds. i have since backed away from that and now believe that an individual can personally have the belief that gay marriage and gayness and all that stuff is immoral but to actively oppose it is wrong and discriminatory. that being said i also thought today that i wish hipsters couldnt get married. i am not sure why i care if hipsters get married. in fact i am sure its fine if they do. its a weird thought to have. somehow i think it stems from my disdain for hipsters but i dont really see the connection to marriage.

ever since i cut my hair i have been preoccupied with the idea of kissing a boy who has longer hair than i do. and then i that what boys are thinking when they kiss girls with long hair?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

we can discuss the human genome project later

sometimes when you are cleaning out your bathroom drawer at your moms house (no no this isnt from my stint of living with my parents in the spring, this is from highschool) you end up throwing a lot of stuff away. like old makeup and crusty toothpaste. but what about old teeth molds. at first i thought for sure its a throw away. but then i decided, hey what if i am in a fire and they cant identify my body and they need my dental records (and somehow my dentist loses my records. maybe in a fire. how ironic). so i decided they are keepers. because identifying my charred body ranks high on my list of things i want to happen. when i am dead.

speaking of death, mine, i have been meaning to write an online holographic will. i am not sure its legal. i am leaning towards no. here it goes...

bookshelf: cicada because i know how you love wallpapered bookshelves.
armoire: shane. he said it was cute. and it has lace curtains. he wins.
butterfly chair: lisa, because i know how much you like butterflys.
small purple painting collection: colls. you love purple. and paintings.
quilts: go to my cousins. the ones i liked (you know who you are).
mirrors (both): go to becky. because you are so pretty.
kitchen stuff (including the pan that says NATALI): gavin because he likes to cook casseroles.
jeans: janelle. you will need to hem them but they should fit.
fabric: cicada, will you name a purse after me?
dryer: sugarcube, you have a truck so it will be easy for you to move.
alito judicial nomination tickets: brian (i think you can sell them on ebay) and for some reason i think they are worth alot of money. oh and you can have my car. you will need to get that registered.
the antique chair: lisa, because i know how much you like morrises. (get it)
my old records book: reno. you liked how it was date stamped in like 1918. its a great year.
wooden noah ark: jessica, i know how much she likes floods and animals
my homework i saved (including book reports, drawings and poetry): my mom. she has been trying to throw it away. and now she finally can.
my jewelry: rose, she has had her eye on the italian ring since well italy.
books: tanya, if you want them. if not give them to brian. maybe he would trade you the books for the alito tickets. but dont ask me. i am out of this.
shoes: its strange but i want to give those to me.
winter clothing: jamie, because you are the only person who is consistently colder than i am
my laptop: arlo, because you will love her more than me. not more than you loved me. but you will love the computer more than i loved her. or maybe it was the other way...
my cellphone: bean, you love technology. and you are one.
my J-lo hoop earrings and my legal books, to breena. you are a fashion icon. and a feminist. what fun.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

shoes twins and leftover salad

sometimes tanya and i have twinner moccasins. only sometimes. sometimes people email me poems. i love poems. i love emails. i love poem emails. here is the latest one i received:

why was tigger looking in the potty?
he was looking for poo. (h)
and today
i was looking for you
mama you weren't online
i was sad
you didn't have time
but i wanted to tell you about
my day
my lunch a leftover cafe rio salad
how i am sad alan is married
and has sex with someone else
but it's blowing over
my pinky toenail fell off
and i am seeing "hairspray tonight"

sometimes my aunt and i have twinner keds. i wish we had the same size of shoes so we could share.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

therefore, LDS women should be the best homemakers in the world

i watched conference. i like conference. mostly because it is a really close to an idea i am workshopping called "home church" which i am going to have with my kids. church is too long an boring and germ infested for children. i also like conference because i can listen to the tv while i clean and sew. which fortunately is right in line with what i should be doing as a woman. but if i could make conference even better this is what i would change:

1) no saturday session. (i did the math that is 8-10 (gender dependant) hours. church should be 1.5 hours a week. i am good until mid-november)

2) i would like if there were less prayers and singing. and i wish more/any women prayed. or in the alternative random volunteers from the congregation. (small children would be great).

3) i would give an arm and a leg oh what the hell two legs for a talk from a woman or about women were the word mother is never mentioned. men get all sorts of talks where the word father is never mentioned. but say the general relief society president does give a talk on women where she says things like no amount of education makes up for not being able to clean your house and then a picture of a women windexing her windows comes up on the screen it is safe to say i will shit a brick.

4) more talks on Jesus and king benjamin. they are my favorite.

5) more talks on diversity in mormon homes.

7) Chieko Okazaki should always speak. she gives the best quilting metaphors. For example:

"but all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other. Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order. Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity. All of us face different family circumstances and home situations. All of us need strength in dealing with them. This strength comes from faith in the Savior’s love and in the power of his atonement. If we trustingly put our hand in the Savior’s, we can claim the promise of the sacramental prayer to always have his Spirit with us. All problems are manageable with that strength, and all other problems are secondary in urgency to maintaining a strong spiritual life.” –Chieko Okazaki, General Conference 1993

8) more talks on preach my gospel because they are easy to nap to.

9) more talks on outer space.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

computers are about murdering you in a lake

i was wrong about the next pope but i was right about Henry B. Eyring. and thats all that matters. because i bet on that one.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

you are charming on drugs

its americas next top model cycle 9. and i am excited about that. i am torn about loving it so much and my self hatred for loving it so much. i choose loving it so much. i think its ridiculous how they judge and how its promoting unhealthy body image and i shouldnt be supportive of tyra banks in any capacity. but i am a ANTM junkie. i have watched every episode twice. that being said i like to watch things twice.

and here are my favorites: chantel, lisa, victoria, heather and saliesha. i think chantel will take it. but i really want heather to win. and its not just because she has aspergers syndrome. although it makes her very endearing. she is so awkward. but thats ok because fashion "is all about being uncomfortable" i learned that tonight. i also learned how to make a felt hippo.

trya is going green. oh and she is against smoking. the girls have a smoke free model competition ahead. i am sure they can photo shop out the nicotine patches...

and i made this quilt at fhe. i havent been to fhe since i lived in london and my danish fhe dad showed a video of nude beaches in denmark. what i am trying to say is i knew no fhe could ever top topless fhe so i promptly stopped attending. but i went last week so i could quilt. sure the stripes arent even. thats artistic right?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

vampires like it windy

it was only recently i realized my mom wanted me to marry my little brother (to be fair i am sure its subconscious). it was the same day i realized i probably dont have a ghost. actually both those things happened today.

i thought i had a ghost. its a long story (its short but you the reader wouldnt think i had a ghost if i told you so i am not even going to bother telling you why i thought my apartment was haunted lets just say for 4 days i was sure it was). i never talked to the ghost but i talked about it on the phone in my apartment so i figured it knew how i felt about it living there. its passive aggressive i know and i feel kind of bad about that. but now that i dont think i have a ghost i feel less bad.

speaking of passive aggressive my mom has decided that i am not married because her friend thinks i am too picky. she said her temple friend sui ying thought that was why i wasnt married (for the record i have never met sui ying). my guess is my mom thinks i am too picky. the conversation went like this:

mom: sui ying thinks you are being too picky
me: huh.
mom: you need to give boys a chance. say he is 5'8'' to 5'10'' that doesnt mean you cant date.
me: i am sorry. i will try to be more tolerant of that height range.
mom: i dont know and he could be 26. just because he is only 26 doesnt mean you shouldnt date him.
me: (in my head: what in the world)
mom: and he can be shy. give the shy boys a chance.
me: are you talking about trevor (my little brother)
trevor: kind of sounds like she is
natali: i dont think we should get married (to trevor)
trevor: i did check you out once. but i didnt know it was you. but i did think you were cute.
natali: thanks.

Friday, September 14, 2007

if you live in calcutta you are bound to have a fifty year crisis of faith

bugs scare me. a lot. i know they arent really out to get me, not all of them anyway (some in australia are) so i shouldnt hate them but i do. especially furry-fast ones. there is a furry-fast one in this bowl underneath my gender and law theory, doctrine, commentary book and just in case that wasnt heavy enough criminal law and its processes. what does that even mean processes. i think thats a fancy word for how to get in and out of prison.
anyway i cant kill bugs it requires me getting too close. i dont mind catching them though. well that is a lie. i had to call my dad who talked me through the whole process(es?). the conversation went like this:

7:12 am
dad: what is going on
me: there is a bug in my room. its furry and fast. (mildly hysterical)
dad: what would you like me to do about it?
me: i dont know. fix it?
dad: i live 57 miles away
me: so what do i do?
dad: kill it with your shoe
me: i cant kill them it requires getting too close
dad: put something over it. then you can throw it outside.
me: can you do that?
dad: we went over this.
me: i dont think i can do it
dad: ummmm i dont know what to tell you.
me: oh i did it. i gotta go. i am late for work. love you bye
dad: love you too bye

(if anyone wants to know the ending of this story the feminism book killed the spider. i guess sort of like its killing traditional families. that and gay people)

my dad is so nice. i really like him. i was thinking about it when i saw a rainbow today. rainbows remind me of Gods promise that He will never flood the earth again. (not sure where i got that). i dont really understand the first flood and i dont know if i believe in that whole noah story. but thats ok because i dont think you have to believe in the noah story to believe in God and like rainbows. which is what i do. i mean it could be true. i am cool either way. anyway it reminded me how nice mine own dad was. for instance, when i got into my car today after work i found this polident on my car seat. at first i was confused. but then i remembered i asked my dad to bring my mouth guard over if he was in the area (my dentist said i dont have any cavities but thats probably because i grind them off. ok he didnt say that is why i dont have cavities. its probably because i floss) anyway my dad brought me my mouth guard and threw in some polident. thanks to my dad my mouth guards will taste like triple mint fresh in just three minutes. not grinding my teeth never tasted so good.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

bottled water and sushi can only fix so much

i dont know if anyone knew that my goal for july was for to get insurance. well i had two goals. but i only remember the insurance one. every so often i have a panic attack that i might have skin cancer. these panic attacks last about 48 hours. they run their course and i go back to thinking despite years of skin damage and history of skin cancer in my family i will be just fine. anyway i got insurance so that my parents can return to focusing on the fact i am not married.

for the record i hate insurance companies. i remembered how much i hated them when they denied my little brother coverage. my poor parents and their uninsured children.
anyway every so often something funny happens at my job. i take that back the paralegal at my work is always funny. i have never heard anyone swear like her. and thats a compliment. we had a deposition in our office over water rights and fruit trees (very heated topics). my boss was conducting the deposition but he told me all about it. the guy he was deposing was being an ass and not answering the questions. which can happen. so you have to keep asking the same question over and over until they get so annoyed that they answer. its a fun game. back to my story my boss asked a question and the guy says you will have to sue me to get me to answer that. and my boss looks up surprised and then hands him a pleading and says ummm i did. (i really hope this was news to him. one year into the lawsuit. he just saved himself a year of stress over the fact he was being sued). his lawyer was wearing jeans and a tshirt. perhaps his casual attire was indicative of his explanation of the legal process to his client.

venus williams was just on SVU law and order. she was a basketball player. i wonder if she gets sick of being pigeon holed as an athlete.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

sick day

today i called in sick to work. it was well deserved sick day. first of all i really had a bad migraine last night. and i hate my job. it was really a no brainer. while at home i decided to do some things i needed to catch up on. 1) i went to DI and bought picture frames 2) i got a parking permit for my friends so they can park on my road for more than one hour (there were some pretty good jokes made by the city employee about how any "guests" "sleeping over" would really appreciate this pass. anyway he thinks its going to revolutionize my night life. (which made me worry that i dont look like i have a night life or that it needs to be revolutionized) (i have a night life) (unless that means sex) (i wonder if i will have sex now that i have this guest parking pass) 3) i emailed byu to inquire about their maternity leave policy. in law school i took a feminism class and my professor informed me that byu didnt offer maternity leave. i was pretty upset with byu. first no caffeine on campus and now no maternity leave. maternity leave isnt listed under their many many benefits so i thought i would send an email just to make sure. here is my email. i capitalized and everything.

To whom it may concern:

I am considering applying for a job at BYU and would like to know the
maternity leave policy at BYU.



the response (although timely) was completely inadequate.

Hi Natali, Your e-mail was referred to me. I'm not sure exactly what your question is but would be happy to talk to you about it. Call me if you have questions.

there is always the chance BYU employees have never heard the words maternity and leave stringed together. 4) i cleaned out my fridge 5) i emailed the SBA to ask for money 6) i thought about owen wilson for awhile 7) i solidified my crush on ilan from top chef and 8) i sat in the park and read things that werent boring (in stark contrast to my job). i wish they all could be sick days.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

it shouldnt be rocket

so on this particular sunday colleen and margo all decided to wear pink. and take this engagement picture. the next sunday we took this picture. i am thinking of submitting them to an art show and calling them margo colleen and me on bean bags on sundays. or something to that effect. i used to have another picture along the same lines but i deleted it.
i was much tanner and blonder last summer. my friend margo(pictured above and on the right)'s little sister recently had a liver transplant. the good news is she is doing well. the bad news it cost a small fortune as any major medical (or lets face it minor medical procedure) will. margo made a website where you can donate money to the family. i told her it was a good idea. i also told her my blog gets a lot of play and i would post the link. (it was sort of a lie but i wanted to be helpful). so if you want to donate i will sweeten the deal and blog about whatever you (the donater) asks. i went to the quilt show in springville if anyone wants me to touch on that. but its whatever topic you want no pressure.

oh and i thought about it and what if jon huntsman reads my blog? anyway if he reads my blog maybe he forwarded the link to his son the governor (of utah). who is also similarly situated financially speaking. they probably get hit up for money all the time is my guess. but i decided to make a special deal to jon h. jr. that goes as follows: if you donate i will vote republican in any election of your choosing (in my jurisdiction, there will be no moving to swing states). now i am not a republican. and i dont remember the last time anything that had to do with the republican party appealed to me besides their elephant mascot. i think this is a pretty good deal. basically i will vote republican in any local government, state or presidential election of your (the governor's) choosing. just let me know.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

i am always it

1 jobs I've had...

1. i worked at hogi yogi when i was a freshman
2. i took over my brother's newspaper for six months inbetween brothers, back then it was a boy job
3. i worked at sears
4. i waitressed at rosas and met becky

2 movies I could watch over and over...

1. maybe superbad. i love that movie so much.

3 places I've lived...
  1. springville, utah
  2. provo, utah
  3. london, england
  4. arlington, virginia
  5. st. george, utah
  6. salt lake city, utah

4 favorite TV/reality shows...
  1. colbert report and the daily show with jon stewart
  2. law and order
  3. everybody loves raymond
  4. curb your enthusiasm
4 favorite places I've been...
  1. london
  2. jerusalem
  3. cinca terra, italy
  4. the grand canyon (in my head)
5. favorite foods...

1. sushi
2. gyros
3. falafel
4. tamales

6 websites I check daily...
  1. my ebay
  2. my blog
  3. my gmail (is that a website)
  4. its all about me apparently
7 hobbies I enjoy...

1. quilting
2. walking (is that a hobby?)
3. reading blogs

8 friends I tag...haha you're it!

1. oh i think i ran out of friends. my mom always said this would happen to me if i didnt get married young.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

tag i'm it

my friend lisa quiz tagged me. which means for those who are unfamiliar with tag and quizzes i have to take this personal quiz and put it on my blog or i will be cursed with 12 years of bad luck. incidentally tag used to stress me out a child. i had above average levels of stress as a child. let the quiz begin:

Jobs I've held...

1. i cut my grandpas hair for $20 a month (this included a complimentary eyebrow trim)
2. i was a sample girl for like three saturdays at food 4 less
3. i worked for civil rights and disability law non-profits
4. and my mom says being such a great daughter is a full time job. thanks mom. i could really use some benefits.

Movies I can watch over and over...
1. i mostly just watch them once
2. however i have watched troy over and over but i think that was because i was unemployed

My Guilty Pleasures...
1. i watch a lot of MTV and Bravo
2. i like to read dating books
3. DHing
4. garlic

TV Shows I enjoy...
1. ANTM (america's next top model)
2. Project Runway
3. Top Chef, Iron Chef and Next FoodNetwork Host
4. Extras (i realize that Extras, the only quality show, is listed last. but dont think it is last in my heart. i also realize i dont like good programming).

Places I have been on vacation...
1. Georgia/Florida
2. London
3. dinosaur land
4. i dont get out much

Favorite foods...
1. goat cheese
2. diet coke
3. cheese enchiladas
4. fondue

Awards I have won
1. as previously mentioned i won a poetry award in kindergarten or maybe it was the first grade
2. i also won the big buck award in the fourth grade for a compelling anti hunting story
3. in the eighth grade my badminton team took second in some sort of championship. but it had nothing to do with my athletic ability which is questionable but my partner who had cat like reflexes.
4. i will have to check my mom's fridge because that is where she displays any certificate/report card/etc of note

Hobbies I enjoy...

1. quilting
2. cooking
3. movie viewing
4. walking
5. making lists of my boring hobbies

Secretly, I wish I could....
1. make crafts all day long
2. nap daily
3. wink
4. go to hair school

A random thing about me...
i like to vote but only because i like the machines and stickers

Monday, August 13, 2007

all we care about is talking

i woke up on monday and found this animal in my parking lot. its dead. i dont know what it is. its hard to see in this picture because it is roughly the same color as the pavement. but it has a bat like body with a long tail. shane thought it was a possum. i think the tail is all wrong and he was really dead and not just playing dead. brian thinks its a lemur and he is probably right. lemurs are endangered. i wish this one hadnt died. but it did.

i am 95% sure that there is a ghost in my apartment building. when i woke up on tuesday and left for work all the pictures on the left side of the wall were off centered but the ones of the right side of the wall were not. that is the kind of sense of humor i see a ghost having.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

we forgot to have a launch party...

my friend lisa and i opened an ebay store called lemonade stand vintage. please click on the link and look at the logo. i made it. i have never made a logo before. i have looked at if over 23 times today. and now that i have that scrolling gallery to the left of my blog everyone will get the chance to see lisa and i model vintage clothing. dream come true i know.

we are really excited about the store. in fact, i have decided i sort of cant have a boyfriend because i have to focus on the ebay store. i have been told this is a bad idea and perhaps my priorities are wrong. probably. but i still choose the store. and if you need a purse you should choose the store as well because how cute are these?

Monday, July 30, 2007

every fiscal quarter

this is what girls night looks like up close.

and this is from two steps away.

Friday, July 27, 2007

as you can see, nothing is more contagious than good judgment.

its so hot in my apartment. jeans are too hot. cooking is too hot. sleeping is out of the question. so i have been opening my door because its much cooler in the hall and i am trying to trick that cool air to come into my sweltering apartment.

but as it turns out it wasnt the air that wanted to come in. i am ok with not knowing my neighbors. there is smokey guy who i wished smoked a little farther away from my window. there is soccer player guy who i thought was a soccer player. there is the cute angsty guy who always wears black converses and glares at me when he is outside smoking. oh and then there is the player/chauffer guy who i know because he is always out smoking. basically, if you dont smoke i probably dont know if you live here.

tonight one of my neighbors knocked on my semi open door. i was a little nervous that it would look more inviting that i wanted it to. open doors have a way of being overly friendly. he asked if it was hot in my apartment. i said yes. then he asked me where i was from and what i do and if he could see my apartment which he thinks is cute. he also shook my hand. i had been flossing. so i wasnt sure what to do with the floss. i switched the floss in my hands. i hope thats appropriate. he said when he first moved in everyone used to hang out on the porch. and that the singles in the apartment arent fun anymore. i personally havent been fun for years so i feel like i fit in pretty well. anyway he said he is hoping we run into each other again.

also becky and i went to the pool today. i overheard a pretty good conversation by two little girls. i estimate ages 9 and a half. but with the way children are maturing because of growth hormones in milk they might have been 8.

girl 1: what does meghan call her grandma
girl 2: mimi
girl 1: oh yeah
girl 2: (i couldnt hear)
girl 1: so that is the scariest thing i have done. what is the scariest thing you have done
girl 2: i swam in the deep end of the pool. it was like 18 feet. (not even possible girl 2)
girl 1: once i swam in the deep end because sarah dared me so i had to
girl 2: do you smell smoke
girl 1: no (for the record i smelled smoke)
girl 2: we are probably breathing in second hand smoke. thats really dangerous.

Monday, July 23, 2007

i especially like the pink butterflys

i found this chair at DI while looking for inventory for my ebay store.
she looks a little more squaty in this picture than in real life. this was the first time i became aware that furniture can also have unflattering pictures.

Friday, July 20, 2007

my eyes remain unenhanced

i choose this picture because i think it really captures my freakishly small corneas. how small do you say? too small for lasik surgery. i am not a good candidate for lasik with my thin-ass corneas coupled with my bad prescription. (and by good candidate i mean candidate. i cannot get lasik). come to find out becky is in the same boat. she has corneas so thin she was warned to take extra precautions (i have been saying for years becky enough with the high eye risk activities already).
so we are considering the alternative to lasik surgery. i think it involves acid, burning your cornea, loratab eyedrops and two weeks of recovery. and by considering i mean really scared of the alternative to lasik surgery.

Monday, July 16, 2007

let me consult my friends for life calendar

i spent my whole weekend with colls. she is the best hostess ever. she offered to pick me up from the airport. albeit the wrong airport.

when i drove into town i found my old room all made up for me with this my little pony prize and my favorite frog quilt.

and dont forget the reading material she left by my bed. she knows how much i love those russians.

and the picture of my little brother was a nice personal touch. i cut off the picture of Christ's head because it felt weird to put it in but now i think its weird that i cropped it.

anyway i have a mac computer. whatever. but one thing i noticed (and thought was a computer flaw) and called mac to consult about (and they didnt mention it was normal) and even took to the store (where they were incredibly unhelpful) is that july 17th is ALWAYS on the calendar. always. its not a computer bug at all. i mean there are a couple of things that call for accuracy as a rule. clocks, calendars, reality, etc. basically i have been looking at july 17 for six months. so tomorrow is finally july 17 and for one day my calendar will display the right day. but the joke is that i have gotten used to july 17 always being the wrong day so i will look at it tomorrow and think i wonder what day it is...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

i am dedicating my apartment to sylvester stallone

i know how everyone is dying to have a virtual tour of my apartment so here it is. i painted it green. i learned i hate painting even though it looks like a lot of fun. fortunately i also learned becky likes painting. my apartment is also pretty bright. if anyone has any random window covering ideas let me know. also that is probably the best quilt i have made so far. if you come over i will let you play pick your favorite patch. its a pretty fun game....

here was my first attempt at making curtains.

second attempt.

i painted the kitchen green. and added this hotel painting. and this really comfy couch.

there are also some pretty good green stools that arent pictured.

i got that sewing machine for christmas which explains my ability to make all those curtains.

this is my favorite piece of furniture. its an antique chair. unless the antique lady was lying to me. she probably was. that mirror is really good. probably the best DI find i have had in years.

its so great here is a closer look.

i tried to wallpaper my bookshelf. it didnt really work. wallpapering is harder than it looks.

the armorie and my coffee table match. in fact i am pretty sure the coffee table is made out of the door to the armorie. i like to use the word cute a lot when i look at it.
and thats my little green apartment.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

i really like fireworks

for the fourth of july my mom made trifle which is a nice traditional british dessert. to make it more american she adds an american flag and doubles the strawberries and blueberries.

the problem with the 4th is that we all wake up and go see the hot air balloons take off in provo but they do this at 6 in the morning. my mom really likes to go see them and we all really like my mom. however, i question any holiday activity that starts earlier than i have to wake up for work. i also question any holiday activity that is dumb. just kidding i dont.

i made my family help tie my quilt. my sister in law said she wanted me to help her make a quilt out of american flags. this is how the conversation went.
sister in law: natali i have the cutest idea
natali: i love cute ideas. i am such a sucker.
sister in law: i saw some really cute flag material
natali: i love flags. flag day is the best. dont you think flag day is the best?
sister in law: flag day?
natali: is there anymore diet coke?
sister in law: anyway my cute idea is that i am going to get a lot of prints of flags and piece them together in squares
natali: what kind of flags?
sister in law: america
natali: all american flags?
sister in law: yes.
natali: squares?
sister in law: yes
natali (in my head): i dont really like this idea. maybe a better idea is to find flags and quilt those. that is something i would be into. i wonder if that is illegal. because it would probably touch the ground. which is worse flag burning or flag quilting? or you could make a quilt that was one giant flag. probably an african one. or lots of little flags in each patch. ooo little flags.
sister in law: so do you like my idea?
natali: yeah its a pretty good idea. lets make it a small quilt. a nice throw.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

i just want to make out in the sand

i was watching MTV tonight super made or whatever when somewhat famous people do made and diem the cancer survivor from road rules wanted to be made into a ballroom dancer. anyway her coach was paul. and i was like that paul looks just like this guy named paul that was a ballroom dancer at byu that i used to hang out with nine years ago and he made out with my friend summer and i think my friend jen and i am reasonably sure we cuddled once or twice. and then i realized it was the same paul. i verified it with a quick google search. i think its so funny when you see people you know on tv. once i kissed a guy who was a newscaster in idaho or somewhere but i never saw him on tv or anything.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

nothing says happy fathers day like green beans

i made fathers day dinner at my place for my dad this year. this was the menu: company chicken (its the kind with corned beef and bacon) and then green beans with olive oil and garlic, mashed potatoes, rolls and salad and my dad accidentally drank a mountain dew in the fridge. this was the conversation.
natali: dad thats mountain dew
dad: natali i know
natali: dad that has caffeine
dad: thats ok
natali: dad are you going to get wired?
dad: yes
natali: (this part is just in my head) dad do you know what it means to be wired? what else does he know about...but i didnt press the issue because i bet my mom was uncomfortable with all that caffeine talk.
i decided i have put too much time into my apartment to ever consider moving. fortunately i learned i can comfortably fit five adults and a toddler around my coffee table. i sat on a stool by myself. i am sort of the least favorite. or the slowest to try and secure a good spot at the coffee table.
so now i am watching a lot like love now. the plot is that amanda peet has to have sex with someone after every break up to make sure she still has it and that person is always ashton kucher. they spit on each other in a chinese restaurant in between the sex. so yeah its a pretty good show i recommend it.