and if you cant show us the way forgive us for being lost

my boss told me today that he believes anything dr. laura says without even thinking about it. i told him if he did think about it he was realize everything she said was sexist. we then debated how sexist dr. laura is. to be fair i know almost nothing about dr. laura. i have never read a thing she has written or heard her show. there was a time (2005) that i passionately discussed a couple of books like i had read them (they were all about social reform... i think) and i am afraid i am falling back into old habits. but come on. she wrote a book called the proper care and feeding of husbands. i extrapolated from the title that the book encourages women to be subordinate domestic servants to their husbands catering to their every emotional and physical need.

speaking of traditional marriage. i wonder if God really is married. my friend breena showed me this post. when i do think about heavenly mother i find it a little unsettling. she is definitely an absentee parent. but maybe she has her own goals that she is pursuing. i understand. but i can say catholicism appeals to me because they have so many women role models in their religion. mother mary is pretty great. you pray to her and she helps you. and then a whole bunch of women saints who are bettering themselves and their community. that and i like the candles.

no one wants to be e

i like stories. i think they are telling. get it. anyway i dont care much about interests. what do interests tell you. nothing i care about. but stories can tell 1) what external factors have shaped people 2) how they interpreted their experiences and 3) their underlying and perhaps unconscious views about life and coping mechanisms. that is why i think dating should be almost comprised of story telling. that and making out.

in mormonism you have testimony meetings. which is a once a month sort of thing where anyone in the congregation can stand up and bear testimony about God and stuff. it seems that recently the approach to testimonies has been to state things you know. i dislike this approach. i dont think knowing is really all that important. i think its nice when people can relate personal experiences that reflect their interactions with God or even what they think might be their interactions with God. i like the idea and concept of people who want to believe congregating and sharing stories. i recently read an article regarding testimonies. the author described how telling spiritual experiences in testimonies helps the congregation self identify "in a powerful, binding ritual of narrative-based testimony"and that this is important and meaningful because the fact that God "interacts with us, even in the slightest way, creates an underlying relevance to the story we tell." Tessa Meyer Santiago, Telling our Stories of Jesus: the Necessary Narrative, The Clark Memorandum Fall Edition 2007, 31-35. she believes that testifying only using declarative statements such as i know "encourages a uniformity of form but a lack of substance." i agree. the importance in relating any spiritual experience is not to testify regarding knowledge (in fact testifying strictly regarding spiritual knowledge is too limiting) but instead to relate experiences or feelings that persuade you to feel a certain way and unite you to the group. describing your love for you family or the death of a friend or a nice sunset or sin may be your testimony that there is a God. the religious community is not dependent on status or class but instead on relating these religious experiences. as society and individuals change the narrative(s) changes. but the value is in documenting the story. the faith, the apostasy, the repentance, the discouragement and the hope is just part of the narrative. thus, all testimony should be accepted without regard if it is weak, circumstantial, unsure or perhaps even insincere. these testimonies are valid since they are reflections of what the person and society is experiencing. the best testimony i have personally heard came from a man born in china who i could barely understand. the second one was from a middle aged women whose cats died.

if this is communication

natali: ...i thought my mom would be way more upset.
boss: oh well you are already a huge disappointment. it cant get worse.
natali: how so?
boss: you are an older single mormon woman who is an attorney.
natali: i see your point.

dad (via text): how are you?
natali: good thanks. how are you?
dad: my neck hurt so i took 2 ibup. mom is tired. trevor is fine.

cicada (via IM): Sometimes when I see and interact with our parents, I really wonder where you came from.
me: how so?
cicada: I just don't see you in either of them. Maybe I have to interact with George more. Like, I think it was especially your mom at the reception. Just talking to her. I was like, "Natali? Are you in there? Nope!"

jesse (via email):Even if everything is going well I'd like to hear from you. Also, feel free to add this e-mail address to your contact list so you can reach us with any questions you may have in the future.
natali: you want to hear from me and you are saying we have a future? (in my head. actual reply). thanks everything is going well.

with as skinny as you are you are going to have to eat tomorrow

so today i woke up thinking something was wrong. like someone just told me bad news but no one did. then i read my horoscope which said this:

A stronger sense of nervousness can guide you towards greater caution, Natali.

what the hell? if there is one thing i do not need its a stronger sense of nervousness what with my recent ulcer diagnosis.

i think the following things have contributed to the ominous feeling:

1) that movie i watched about corruption in brazil that made me lose my faith in humanity
2) the fact that i thought i might get fired because i got a piercing and lost so much time working because of said ulcer and maybe because i suck at my job (recently i discussed with reno should never agree to working on weekends. it went like this)

3:28 PM me: oh you should take lessons from me
i am barely employable
reno:
i can't picture you at work
is that weird?
dave and i were actually talking about it
me: what?
reno: he was like... do you think natali's funny at work?

or do you think she has to be serious all the time

if playing scrabble and writing memos is funny then i am a hoot. my paralegal is way funnier than i am. i have been writing down every way she uses the f word in case i have time to write a book about paralegal humor.
3) its not the weather. the weather makes me really happy.
4) it may have been the moon. arent peoples moods affected by the moon. that might just be menstrual cycles. which in turn affects your mood.
5) ANTM was particularly creepy. we thought heather might be dying. or turning into a vampire.

(also i had a really nice birthday. ck came into town and tried to find me a booty call. she did a pretty good job. her picks included the 19 year old kid at the pizza place by my house (although i did take a picture of him serving alcohol in case i ever have to prove to the cops i thought he was 21)(i dont) and jesse the piercer. who is surprising cute and nice for someone who likes to put needles through other people).