coughing up art

oh here are some new and exciting quilts coming from springville art museum. if you want to see the show it ends thursday.

this asian one is cute because its pieced with japanese fabric and quilted to look like pagodas.

kandinksy?

the rest of that awesome box sculpture that aaron doesnt appreciate. brian liked it. but he didnt blog about it. (this is not a quilt)

this reminds me of the old man and the sea.

shiny.

my parents liked this one.

the end.

i use sex as an icebreaker

so three people at work asked about my long weekend. the conversation went something like this...what did you do? sew? and me saying i do other shit. and yes.

when i woke up to the snow i knew i would stay in all day in my new bunny sweats that say whatever!, putter around the internet, and maybe sew something. anyway i looked at the closet and knew i had to do something. not finish the quilt hanging up there but instead i decided to make a new door. so i took out the plastic one (and i have the blisters to prove it) and sewed this one. (i didnt sew all those pieces together. that would have taken much longer than 29 minutes).

and here is a close up.

and then i made these matching curtains. i managed to finish these projects while watching karate kid I, II, and III. what i am trying to say is it was a great holiday.

sort of makes you want to reproduce doesnt it

ok here is my most recent competed quilt. i made it for a friend who is having a baby girl. it was probably the first quilt i actually designed myself.

here is the front and back.

front.

and back.

i prefer to give inhabitants a say

my boss recently told me the secret to dating was faking an interest in sports. in fact faking all your interests. i said i had been taking a similar approach only i fake having no interests. really all that is important is that you fake something.

my friend fight was recently wrong about my interests lately. we were texting about nicknames and dr. knife. he said dr. knife sang songs about wanting to be the new satan and killed God and hung out with the old satan and how i would like it. when i didnt respond for awhile (because i was at lunch arguing with shane about whether i hate everything he loves) fight sent me a reassuring text that it is just music and none of that stuff really happened.

i am really interested in quilting. but its boring to talk about. unless you are in my quilt class. the conversation last week went something like this:

49 year old lady in my quilting class (resembles betty crocker): my boss is very uptight about driving with me alone. he said is improper.
65 year old quilting instructor: what does he think will happen?
49: i am not sure should i be offended? natali does this ever happen to you?
natali: sure. its part of the reason why women attorneys have a hard time advancing in their careers. male partners wont take them to lunch or golf because they think it will look inappropriate. does anyone have any more of that red material?
49: well i dont like it very much. i am not sure why he is so uptight.
65: sounds like what he needs is a blow job.
49: seriously it would do him a world of good.
natali: about that red material...

therefore, LDS women should be the best homemakers in the world

i watched conference. i like conference. mostly because it is a really close to an idea i am workshopping called "home church" which i am going to have with my kids. church is too long an boring and germ infested for children. i also like conference because i can listen to the tv while i clean and sew. which fortunately is right in line with what i should be doing as a woman. but if i could make conference even better this is what i would change:

1) no saturday session. (i did the math that is 8-10 (gender dependant) hours. church should be 1.5 hours a week. i am good until mid-november)

2) i would like if there were less prayers and singing. and i wish more/any women prayed. or in the alternative random volunteers from the congregation. (small children would be great).

3) i would give an arm and a leg oh what the hell two legs for a talk from a woman or about women were the word mother is never mentioned. men get all sorts of talks where the word father is never mentioned. but say the general relief society president does give a talk on women where she says things like no amount of education makes up for not being able to clean your house and then a picture of a women windexing her windows comes up on the screen it is safe to say i will shit a brick.

4) more talks on Jesus and king benjamin. they are my favorite.

5) more talks on diversity in mormon homes.

7) Chieko Okazaki should always speak. she gives the best quilting metaphors. For example:

"but all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other. Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order. Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity. All of us face different family circumstances and home situations. All of us need strength in dealing with them. This strength comes from faith in the Savior’s love and in the power of his atonement. If we trustingly put our hand in the Savior’s, we can claim the promise of the sacramental prayer to always have his Spirit with us. All problems are manageable with that strength, and all other problems are secondary in urgency to maintaining a strong spiritual life.” –Chieko Okazaki, General Conference 1993

8) more talks on preach my gospel because they are easy to nap to.

9) more talks on outer space.

you are charming on drugs

its americas next top model cycle 9. and i am excited about that. i am torn about loving it so much and my self hatred for loving it so much. i choose loving it so much. i think its ridiculous how they judge and how its promoting unhealthy body image and i shouldnt be supportive of tyra banks in any capacity. but i am a ANTM junkie. i have watched every episode twice. that being said i like to watch things twice.

and here are my favorites: chantel, lisa, victoria, heather and saliesha. i think chantel will take it. but i really want heather to win. and its not just because she has aspergers syndrome. although it makes her very endearing. she is so awkward. but thats ok because fashion "is all about being uncomfortable" i learned that tonight. i also learned how to make a felt hippo.

trya is going green. oh and she is against smoking. the girls have a smoke free model competition ahead. i am sure they can photo shop out the nicotine patches...

and i made this quilt at fhe. i havent been to fhe since i lived in london and my danish fhe dad showed a video of nude beaches in denmark. what i am trying to say is i knew no fhe could ever top topless fhe so i promptly stopped attending. but i went last week so i could quilt. sure the stripes arent even. thats artistic right?

bottled water and sushi can only fix so much

i dont know if anyone knew that my goal for july was for to get insurance. well i had two goals. but i only remember the insurance one. every so often i have a panic attack that i might have skin cancer. these panic attacks last about 48 hours. they run their course and i go back to thinking despite years of skin damage and history of skin cancer in my family i will be just fine. anyway i got insurance so that my parents can return to focusing on the fact i am not married.

for the record i hate insurance companies. i remembered how much i hated them when they denied my little brother coverage. my poor parents and their uninsured children.
anyway every so often something funny happens at my job. i take that back the paralegal at my work is always funny. i have never heard anyone swear like her. and thats a compliment. we had a deposition in our office over water rights and fruit trees (very heated topics). my boss was conducting the deposition but he told me all about it. the guy he was deposing was being an ass and not answering the questions. which can happen. so you have to keep asking the same question over and over until they get so annoyed that they answer. its a fun game. back to my story my boss asked a question and the guy says you will have to sue me to get me to answer that. and my boss looks up surprised and then hands him a pleading and says ummm i did. (i really hope this was news to him. one year into the lawsuit. he just saved himself a year of stress over the fact he was being sued). his lawyer was wearing jeans and a tshirt. perhaps his casual attire was indicative of his explanation of the legal process to his client.

venus williams was just on SVU law and order. she was a basketball player. i wonder if she gets sick of being pigeon holed as an athlete.

i really like fireworks

for the fourth of july my mom made trifle which is a nice traditional british dessert. to make it more american she adds an american flag and doubles the strawberries and blueberries.

the problem with the 4th is that we all wake up and go see the hot air balloons take off in provo but they do this at 6 in the morning. my mom really likes to go see them and we all really like my mom. however, i question any holiday activity that starts earlier than i have to wake up for work. i also question any holiday activity that is dumb. just kidding i dont.

i made my family help tie my quilt. my sister in law said she wanted me to help her make a quilt out of american flags. this is how the conversation went.
sister in law: natali i have the cutest idea
natali: i love cute ideas. i am such a sucker.
sister in law: i saw some really cute flag material
natali: i love flags. flag day is the best. dont you think flag day is the best?
sister in law: flag day?
natali: is there anymore diet coke?
sister in law: anyway my cute idea is that i am going to get a lot of prints of flags and piece them together in squares
natali: what kind of flags?
sister in law: america
natali: all american flags?
sister in law: yes.
natali: squares?
sister in law: yes
natali (in my head): i dont really like this idea. maybe a better idea is to find flags and quilt those. that is something i would be into. i wonder if that is illegal. because it would probably touch the ground. which is worse flag burning or flag quilting? or you could make a quilt that was one giant flag. probably an african one. or lots of little flags in each patch. ooo little flags.
sister in law: so do you like my idea?
natali: yeah its a pretty good idea. lets make it a small quilt. a nice throw.

dead person quilt

i am taking a poll. how creepy is it on a scale from one to ten to make a quilt made from you dead grandparents clothing. and if it isnt creepy is there a chance it will encourage hauntings or visitations, both of which i am against.

Quilt Show Part II and Goodbye Pluto

oh and i wasnt done with the quilts. and i am not done with pluto. but i can't feel the same way about it if its not a planet. i was recently told that the problem lies with me and not with pluto. but hey, i am not the one that shrunk or whatever pluto did to get itself downgraded. to help ease pluto's pain i put it by my favorite quilt. it combines circles and flowers and doesn't involve concentration camps.

Quilt Show Part I

I recently went to the Springville Art Museums Quilt Show (it goes until September 3rd) and if you like quilts you should check it out. I think the Amish would approve (although we tend to use much more color than the Amish. they avoid pastels entirely, not sure why. probably relgious reasons...however, there was a cute bonnet quilt i think they would dig)....






I think there is a 35% chance I could quilt the baby one but everything else is way out of my league. Especially the one in the middle that was hand stiched and pieced by an old woman in a black and white picture. Thats real hard to do. There was an intersting African quilt series that I liked and a really great quilt that some eagle scout will cherish forever (although for the record i dont really approve of pictures on quilts. they remind me of those places in the mall where girls put their faces on pillow cases for thier missionaries). There was a holocaust quilt that I thought was kind of disturbing...i really do prefer the double wedding ring pattern to autchwitz. I am of the firm opinion that quilts should be cheerful because you sleep with them and you dont want to induce nightmares...I personally recommend the pretty pink one with flowers for a good night sleep. Well that and ambien.