Wednesday, September 26, 2007

you are charming on drugs

its americas next top model cycle 9. and i am excited about that. i am torn about loving it so much and my self hatred for loving it so much. i choose loving it so much. i think its ridiculous how they judge and how its promoting unhealthy body image and i shouldnt be supportive of tyra banks in any capacity. but i am a ANTM junkie. i have watched every episode twice. that being said i like to watch things twice.

and here are my favorites: chantel, lisa, victoria, heather and saliesha. i think chantel will take it. but i really want heather to win. and its not just because she has aspergers syndrome. although it makes her very endearing. she is so awkward. but thats ok because fashion "is all about being uncomfortable" i learned that tonight. i also learned how to make a felt hippo.

trya is going green. oh and she is against smoking. the girls have a smoke free model competition ahead. i am sure they can photo shop out the nicotine patches...

and i made this quilt at fhe. i havent been to fhe since i lived in london and my danish fhe dad showed a video of nude beaches in denmark. what i am trying to say is i knew no fhe could ever top topless fhe so i promptly stopped attending. but i went last week so i could quilt. sure the stripes arent even. thats artistic right?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

vampires like it windy

it was only recently i realized my mom wanted me to marry my little brother (to be fair i am sure its subconscious). it was the same day i realized i probably dont have a ghost. actually both those things happened today.

i thought i had a ghost. its a long story (its short but you the reader wouldnt think i had a ghost if i told you so i am not even going to bother telling you why i thought my apartment was haunted lets just say for 4 days i was sure it was). i never talked to the ghost but i talked about it on the phone in my apartment so i figured it knew how i felt about it living there. its passive aggressive i know and i feel kind of bad about that. but now that i dont think i have a ghost i feel less bad.

speaking of passive aggressive my mom has decided that i am not married because her friend thinks i am too picky. she said her temple friend sui ying thought that was why i wasnt married (for the record i have never met sui ying). my guess is my mom thinks i am too picky. the conversation went like this:

mom: sui ying thinks you are being too picky
me: huh.
mom: you need to give boys a chance. say he is 5'8'' to 5'10'' that doesnt mean you cant date.
me: i am sorry. i will try to be more tolerant of that height range.
mom: i dont know and he could be 26. just because he is only 26 doesnt mean you shouldnt date him.
me: (in my head: what in the world)
mom: and he can be shy. give the shy boys a chance.
me: are you talking about trevor (my little brother)
trevor: kind of sounds like she is
natali: i dont think we should get married (to trevor)
trevor: i did check you out once. but i didnt know it was you. but i did think you were cute.
natali: thanks.

Friday, September 14, 2007

if you live in calcutta you are bound to have a fifty year crisis of faith

bugs scare me. a lot. i know they arent really out to get me, not all of them anyway (some in australia are) so i shouldnt hate them but i do. especially furry-fast ones. there is a furry-fast one in this bowl underneath my gender and law theory, doctrine, commentary book and just in case that wasnt heavy enough criminal law and its processes. what does that even mean processes. i think thats a fancy word for how to get in and out of prison.
anyway i cant kill bugs it requires me getting too close. i dont mind catching them though. well that is a lie. i had to call my dad who talked me through the whole process(es?). the conversation went like this:

7:12 am
dad: what is going on
me: there is a bug in my room. its furry and fast. (mildly hysterical)
dad: what would you like me to do about it?
me: i dont know. fix it?
dad: i live 57 miles away
me: so what do i do?
dad: kill it with your shoe
me: i cant kill them it requires getting too close
dad: put something over it. then you can throw it outside.
me: can you do that?
dad: we went over this.
me: i dont think i can do it
dad: ummmm i dont know what to tell you.
me: oh i did it. i gotta go. i am late for work. love you bye
dad: love you too bye

(if anyone wants to know the ending of this story the feminism book killed the spider. i guess sort of like its killing traditional families. that and gay people)

my dad is so nice. i really like him. i was thinking about it when i saw a rainbow today. rainbows remind me of Gods promise that He will never flood the earth again. (not sure where i got that). i dont really understand the first flood and i dont know if i believe in that whole noah story. but thats ok because i dont think you have to believe in the noah story to believe in God and like rainbows. which is what i do. i mean it could be true. i am cool either way. anyway it reminded me how nice mine own dad was. for instance, when i got into my car today after work i found this polident on my car seat. at first i was confused. but then i remembered i asked my dad to bring my mouth guard over if he was in the area (my dentist said i dont have any cavities but thats probably because i grind them off. ok he didnt say that is why i dont have cavities. its probably because i floss) anyway my dad brought me my mouth guard and threw in some polident. thanks to my dad my mouth guards will taste like triple mint fresh in just three minutes. not grinding my teeth never tasted so good.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

bottled water and sushi can only fix so much

i dont know if anyone knew that my goal for july was for to get insurance. well i had two goals. but i only remember the insurance one. every so often i have a panic attack that i might have skin cancer. these panic attacks last about 48 hours. they run their course and i go back to thinking despite years of skin damage and history of skin cancer in my family i will be just fine. anyway i got insurance so that my parents can return to focusing on the fact i am not married.

for the record i hate insurance companies. i remembered how much i hated them when they denied my little brother coverage. my poor parents and their uninsured children.
anyway every so often something funny happens at my job. i take that back the paralegal at my work is always funny. i have never heard anyone swear like her. and thats a compliment. we had a deposition in our office over water rights and fruit trees (very heated topics). my boss was conducting the deposition but he told me all about it. the guy he was deposing was being an ass and not answering the questions. which can happen. so you have to keep asking the same question over and over until they get so annoyed that they answer. its a fun game. back to my story my boss asked a question and the guy says you will have to sue me to get me to answer that. and my boss looks up surprised and then hands him a pleading and says ummm i did. (i really hope this was news to him. one year into the lawsuit. he just saved himself a year of stress over the fact he was being sued). his lawyer was wearing jeans and a tshirt. perhaps his casual attire was indicative of his explanation of the legal process to his client.

venus williams was just on SVU law and order. she was a basketball player. i wonder if she gets sick of being pigeon holed as an athlete.