Wednesday, March 05, 2008

patterns of pursuing the irrelevant

i was reasonably sure that the guys that changed my oil stole my brand new green forever 21 shirt. all i knew is that i had a green shirt in my laundry basket when i went into get an oil change then when i went home it was mysteriously gone. i carefully examined chain of custody and decided the shirt disappeared at the oil change place since i was at work the rest of the time. as a victim of a crime committed by a mechanic that didnt involve my car i was really confused. alone. scared. etc. i made up a pretty elaborate story that involved the oil changer guy forgetting his girlfriend's birthday and thinking maybe she would stop withholding sexually if he had some green shirt that actually fitted someone with a freakishly long torso. his girlfriend has a freakishly long torso as well (once i went to buy a pattern for a dress and the lady at the fabric store looked me up and down and measured my torso and told me to avoid anything with a waist due to my freakishly long torso. she didnt say freakish though. she may have thought it). anyway the shirt saved their relationship.

i got home and realized i had taken another green shirt.

heba called me with a moral dilemma when i solved the green shirt mystery. i am no authority on moral dilemmas. remember how i get average grades in ethic classes. my ethics professor asked me a question once and i answered and he said "nicole i think you should rethink things." i really have been rethinking things. anyway heba wanted to know if she should remove a birds nest from the gutter because her land lady asked her to clean them out. i answered no. killing baby birds is not in anyones rental contract. i like baby birds with their chirping and their little stick homes.

other creatures i like include: elephants, kittens, camels (their knees) and kangaroos.

7 comments:

B. said...

My rental contract specifically tells me not to kill baby birds. True story.

brian said...

i like elephants. here's some facts i like about elephants. if a group of elephants come across the bones of an elephant out in the open, the elephants will move the bones out of sight (even a elephant from another group or family). it's kind of like a burial. entire groups of elephants will all stop and raise their ears and stay silent for a minute or so at a time. it's kind of like a group meditation focusing on (auditory) awareness of their environment. and one time i saw this video of these circus elephants who were trained to act drunk. the elephants held bottles of booze in their trunks and stumbled around. it was, by all accounts, hilarious. the only funnier animal trick i have ever seen was in this one movie (i think it's called circus of horrors) where they had these chimps doing a trapeze act.

chelsea said...

if we combined your freakish torso with my ridiculously long legs, we probably wouldn't even have to use a broom to sweep out the tops of the gutters. just a thought

natali said...

the problem is my torso is long but only in comparison to the rest of my body. so even if you took my torso off it wouldnt really be tall per se...but what the hell lets try it.

Tim & Breena said...

I always knew Maggie was a baby bird killer.

becky said...

i also have freakishly long legs. i had a roommate who was 5'11". when we stood next to each other, our hips were the exact same height. she also had a freakishly long torso.

chelsea said...

becks -

let's start a club!! my sister will likely join too. she has the freaky longest femur i've ever seen a human have. my dad's 6' 7" and she wears the same inseam as him :-O