i would be very surprised if he has even killed one person

shane and i ate lunch together yesterday. shane pointed out it was a bust. he was right. that didnt stop us from eating dinner. that was kind of a bust too but no one pointed it out. after dinner we wanted to go to amazing grace but that didnt start until 10 and it was 8:30 so we rented a movie. this involved walking around blockbuster for about an hour until we finally decided on a movie neither of us wanted to watch so as not to put out the other person. i could tell the movie was going to be a bust as well. but sometimes you cant stop these sorts of things you just have to ride them through.

anyway this blog was supposed to be my movie review of scoop. so here is my review. i KINDA liked it. yeah thats right. i spent the first 24 minutes apologizing for getting it instead of half nelson. and then i spent the next 10 minutes trying to decide if we should turn it off and play guitar hero. but then woody allen really came through for me and started telling the best jokes. most of them involving scarlett johansson's promiscuity like "well did you accomplish anything besides a possible pregnancy?" and he had other good one liners. the whole movie is filmed more like a play then a movie but i kind of liked that as well. anyway, its a pretty good movie built on being predictable and over the top. but maybe get half nelson if its an option.

i do like to bedazzle....

so i got a letter from the future yesterday. it was addressed to my non-existent daughter. who is living at my parents address. does this mean i still live with my mom? this living at home thing is getting out of hand. i know its illegal but i decided to open the letter because maybe she won a sweepstakes. anyway i knew she would forgive me when she was born. and learned how to talk. and grew up and i couldnt afford to send her to college and then i would say good thing we have that sweepstakes money. that will show her. this could be the answer to my prayers. in the future.

wrong. it was someone trying to trick my hypothetical child into a beauty pageant so peds can perv on her and she can grow up with a poor self esteem, body dysporhia, an eating disorder AND probably a preoccupation with her breasts and sequins. but i am not sure on those last ones. but probably. anyway, i threw the letter away.


so against my better judgment i went to a book sale today. and i bought my future kid a book. why not people are sending her mail and she will need to know how to read. i bought her this one. its about a man named oliver. he is made out of wood. anyway he is trying to get to california. its a real page turner.

there was a letter (there are a bunch of letters throughout the book) from Salt Lake City dated July 4 (my favorite holiday. beside the point) and it was from melissa tso who is miss utah (but not really its a woman named heather something) who is complaining about having to wave to kids while riding in a convertible going 5 miles per hour but is inspired by our friend oliver. poor miss utah. what are the odds a book about oliver woodman has anything to do with pageants in utah? its probably a sign that my child is going to revolutionalize the pageantry world. anyway i also bought babies in the bible and the princess and the pea.

down dog this

there are some cuddlers in my yoga class. despite the fact its totally weird and gross i really like it. look how much they like each other. instead of stretching they are spooning. yes i take my camera to the gym. and yes my cell phone went off during yoga. and yes the cuddlers gave me a bad look for being distracting and i gave them my you are judging me look but inside i thought its kind of sweet how he plays with her hair on the germ infested floor that is golds gym sugarhouse.

lets make it work tonight

Dear EC:

Maybe you care about my gene pool and I don't really blame you. So here is my nephew. He has been our only attempt so far so you don't have a lot to go on. I am really sorry about that. No one else has expressed much interest in reproducing. But I can tell you this much, my family has been plagued with hayfever, allergies to fur, and eczema for generations. Furthermore, no one in my family has ever won a spelling bee and our eyesight is hit and miss. I wouldn't say we are super athletic but Grandpa played college ball and I won third place in the 50 meter race in the fifth grade. Anyway EC if you want kind of skinny kids with bad grammar and skin diseases you know where to look. I have to go finish watching Gilmore Girls. I sort of think Luke is Lorelei's EC. Do you think that too? Talk to you later (for eternity).

Love,

Natali

i am glad easter involves ham

today in sunday school i thought it would be fun to try and guess what was in lee's easter basket. it was ok because i had that lesson last week. his mom ended up using pink grass. but i think everything else was about right.

after church i went over to the 21 year old's house. these were the contents of his easter basket. law school books, knives (4 to 5) and candy. his dad did his easter basket this year.

this was the last really good easter i had. i made a killing that year. you cant see it but there are a helluva lot of eggs in that basket. it was also the last time i had awesome gray velcro shoes. easter 84, i think of you often.

thanks mom

this is what my mom made me in enrichment. i think my favorite part was when i actually thought oh i am glad she spelled my name right....but my second favorite part is the fact i have a cooking pan with my name on it.

me and the bean

the bean loves diet coke. sometimes i think its because he loves me. he primarily sees diet coke when he sees me and when he sees me its always with a diet coke can in hand. how could he not associate the two? i would do a venn diagram to show you how it all works but the problem is i was am so bad at venn diagrams. i never knew where to draw the sometimes lines. that being said i love venn diagrams. also this is probably another reason why i should never babysit small to medium sized children. they end up with aspartame addictions and a collection of those annoying coke polar bears.

shake it up

here are my parents. they are probably thinking of my future. it makes them nervous i think. maybe it comes from the fact they are pretty sure i am never going to get married. i have always had this problem telling my parents about the dating/boy sphere in my life so i think they assume that no such sphere exists. once my grandma announced to the whole family she was pretty sure i liked girls and not boys since i never brought boys around. leave it up to grams to start circulating lesbian rumors. anyway, last night i decided i was going to make serious and unprecedented efforts to communicate with my parents about boys. so when i saw an opportunity to discuss i took it. here was how the conversation went: (picture me really nervous and walking away)

mom: natali did you go out to eat last night?
me: no mom i went to see a boy
my dad from downstairs: a boy?
mom: yes she said boy B-O-Y
dad: who?
mom: i am scared to ask
me: (i was scared too)

that was it. ground breaking i know.

i just called to say i love you

i am one of those people who end telephone conversations with k love you bye. like almost everytime. the problem is sometimes i forget and tell people i dont love/know love you bye. which i think is mostly nice. i know i like it when people tell me they love me even if its just an accident. its only bad when its the person you are dating. anyway, i am glad i told my landlords daughter who was supposed to bring me a key over how i really felt. today i caught myself almost telling some client i was writing a scathing letter for love you bye. it happened three times (we talked a lot today). it got really close. i was at k l.....let me edit this and i will send it over for your signature. k love...to get this settlement. wouldnt that be great? yeah. it was bad.

anyway i am in the market for a new telephone valediction. i looked up that word. it means what i think it means.

cougars dont cut corners

i just looked down on my floor and i liked how my scripture case matched my shoes. i was going to write a long blog about the scriptures i read last night. it was going to involve how i sometimes think of king benjamin and his son mosiah and alma and alma the younger all going to dinner and talking about their lives. you have the kings who from what i can tell were straight arrows their whole lives and then you have the judges who totally had rock-n-roll lifestyles and then reformed. anyway, i imagine they had good conversations with their various backgrounds and skill sets. but i am not going to write about that anymore.

instead, i am going to write about how dick cheney was invited to BYU university to speak at commencement. apparently some students are protesting. there are many things i love/like about BYU (i love the campus, i liked devotionals, i love the 5th floor of the library, i liked most of my professors, i like the clubs, i love that i walked through the national anthem and if people looked at my funny i would think i could be canadian (im not), i loved how you could pray in class, i liked a lot of the people i met there, i love the school colors, i liked that they kept letting me in etc.) but i didnt like how everyone had to avoid anything that looked like an opinion that may be extreme or just different or have anything about your appearance that doesnt make you look all american or that you cant question the school's policies or be ok with naked statutes in the art museum or gay people on campus or against the Iraq war or think maybe 9-11 was a set up or think maybe you want to work and have children but you cant because BYU doesnt offer women maternity leave... if you are a student and any or these things or think any of these things or voice any of these things you might not be able to take a test but if you are a professor you can kiss that teaching contract goodbye with a letter that says something like try UVSC or some other "public" university sucka. i dont know. i hope that is what the letter says.

all those things are beside the point. i think it would be fun to go listen to dick cheney talk. because what if he makes a really funny joke about shooting his friend in the head? or makes some off handing remark about his involvement in that whole iraq "situation". i bet dick cheney has a pretty good sense of humor but people dont give him a chance because he is always doing this with his face. anyway, i would go to his speech. too bad i am not graduating this year.

i lost my CTR ring and i cant choose the right...

the second best thing about conference weekend is that all your mormon friends in different states often make the pilgrimage back to zion to eat sushi with you. and you spend 36 dollars at ya sushi. i blame shane. pictured above.

and then your old roommate comes into town and you hold hands in the cracker barrel. and make a lot of people in a small town a little uncomfortable...

then you eat more sushi with shane and teriney. teriney is maybe going to be an american. finally, after 30 years america is ok with teriney. she grows on you...

we love our teriney. we really are so proud of her. she is our number 1. i just realized that she isnt holding up her finger indicating number 1. instead she is doing that "gotcha" motion that you often do and make that clicking sound and or wink. but i still like this picture. if shane and i ever answer our parents prayers and get married and have mexican kids i want to try and recreate it.

no comment on above picture.

scotty came into town to eat sushi and tell me not to this this with my hand ever again...
and i wont.

my friend mikey came into town as well and we hung out at someones house in lehi. this however, is not a picture of the occasion. this is when we went on the ghost tour in old town alexandria. i wanted to go and mike's brother had a date so i told mike to take me and we could double. i am not afraid to ask myself out. i AM afraid of ghosts.

and that concludes my conference weekend.