Wednesday, April 25, 2007

i do like to bedazzle....


so i got a letter from the future yesterday. it was addressed to my non-existent daughter. who is living at my parents address. does this mean i still live with my mom? this living at home thing is getting out of hand. i know its illegal but i decided to open the letter because maybe she won a sweepstakes. anyway i knew she would forgive me when she was born. and learned how to talk. and grew up and i couldnt afford to send her to college and then i would say good thing we have that sweepstakes money. that will show her. this could be the answer to my prayers. in the future.


wrong. it was someone trying to trick my hypothetical child into a beauty pageant so peds can perv on her and she can grow up with a poor self esteem, body dysporhia, an eating disorder AND probably a preoccupation with her breasts and sequins. but i am not sure on those last ones. but probably. anyway, i threw the letter away.


so against my better judgment i went to a book sale today. and i bought my future kid a book. why not people are sending her mail and she will need to know how to read. i bought her this one. its about a man named oliver. he is made out of wood. anyway he is trying to get to california. its a real page turner.



there was a letter (there are a bunch of letters throughout the book) from Salt Lake City dated July 4 (my favorite holiday. beside the point) and it was from melissa tso who is miss utah (but not really its a woman named heather something) who is complaining about having to wave to kids while riding in a convertible going 5 miles per hour but is inspired by our friend oliver. poor miss utah. what are the odds a book about oliver woodman has anything to do with pageants in utah? its probably a sign that my child is going to revolutionalize the pageantry world. anyway i also bought babies in the bible and the princess and the pea.

13 comments:

Colls said...

i like that you took privacy precautions and whited out your address. i like your future daughter. she has zest.

natali said...

did you like that? i know SOOOO many people read this blog who are just DYING to stalk me.

natali said...

i dont know i think she kind of seems high maintenance.

ck said...

at least these future predicting pagent sales people sense that your daughter will be cute and pagent-worthy enough. that's got to be comforting in some weird way

natali said...

i know i have high hopes for her fine motor skills.

becky said...

nat, i knew we were bfffss. i got the same letter addressed to my daughterS. told you i was having twins...

natali said...

oh man. i cant believe you have more hypothetical children than i do. i really need to start procreating. in the future.

ck said...

what does the extra fs in bfffss stand for?

natali said...

best friends forever forreals

Cicada said...

Oh man. Those pageant people for sure didn't see your childhood pictures, Nat.

natali said...

yes thank you cicada for reminding me of my awkward phase. roughly the years 3 through 18.

becky said...

"Best Friends Forever For Sure"s

becky said...

also, i like that first picture because it shows your little ET thumb