i know you would rather see me gone then how i am

its general conference weekend. i know because golds gym is offering a general conference weekend special with a personal trainer. which i might take them up on. anyway, i think its important to have a list of things you do whilst listening to conference and i like to plan ahead for the occasion. here are a couple of my ideas:

1) clean (usually something i save that for sundays despite that saturday is a special day song)
2) quilt (i think i will give it to lee)
3) try and break in my new shoes
4) i think i may have to sue some people
5) see how many pushups i can do (i estimate 43) (girl ones)
6) get insurance
7) give myself a mani/pedi
8)sell some jeans on ebay

i have also decided i am going to change the channel when any women speak if they use that one voice. i hate that voice. i think maybe if we all start changing the channel or walking out if viewing in a stake center then the church would tell women speakers its not necessarily to talk like they are mothering us. and why do they always speak about kids? so basically they are speaking about kids like they are talking to kids. its time they get more interesting topics and get to use regular voices and inflection. does anyone else really wish that? i tell you what i miss that sheri l. dew.

damn thats a fine cookie

Am i the only person who still has to sing the alphabet song when i need to know where a letter is in the line up?

"lawyers, i suppose, were children once"

people ask me all the time what the most interesting things i have learned about being a lawyer, the law, practicing, etc etc. so far here are the most important things i have learned:

1) runners are almost always good looking. runners run legal documents to the courts or other law firms or wherever. they always have such good hair and good tattoos and they make those polos look good when they are riding those bikes...i dont even LIKE tattoos. they creep me out. ink in skin. gross. but on runners...ungross ink in skin.

2) the key to lawyering is bullshit. i guess this isnt a surprise. but seriously even i was taken back by the sheer lack of knowledge at every level in the law. for example if you ask the court clerk how to list the defendants on a pleading they will say they dont know despite the fact they probably file twenty complaints a day. paralegals know more than most and probably do the most legal work, illegally. lawyers know shit. but i dont really blame them the laws are pretty complicated and there is a lot to know. so they spend most of their time posturing. when they get sick of that or there is the chance a judge might call them on it they ask a law clerk to try and figure out the law. thats about it. fascinating i know.

oh and

3) paralegals almost always use the f word. it pretty much makes my day. next to runners paralegals are my favorite.

dead person quilt

i am taking a poll. how creepy is it on a scale from one to ten to make a quilt made from you dead grandparents clothing. and if it isnt creepy is there a chance it will encourage hauntings or visitations, both of which i am against.

jean mystery

i am the proud owner of these boyfriend jordache jeans. the last couple of days i have really pushed myself to understand what boyfriend jeans means. i finally realized that boyfriend fit means that they fit looser in the leg (not in the ass dont worry). apparently i could have googled that and saved myself a lot of thought on the subject. i am a pretty big fan of really tight jeans so i am really glad that i am pushing myself jean wise to wear ones that i am more unsure of. i am kind of sad that boyfriend jeans doesnt refer to the growing trend of men wearing jeans designed for women. that is what i hoped it meant for the first day but i knew that would be too good to be true. so in case anyone else was confused on the matter its yet another jean mystery solved.

dont get my dad a birthday balloon. he wont say anything but he thinks its a waste of money.

this is how hayden says happy birthday grandpa

in our family we like to go out to eat at sizzler. that explains the look on trevor's face. oh actually me sticking my finger in trevors ear right before i took this picture explains the look on trevor's face.
i didnt get my dad a birthday present. i am not sure what to give him. my mom said her favorite presents from me include no longer calling her carolyn and taking out my belly button ring. i call my dad dad and i am fresh out of body piercings. fortunately i finally have money and no longer have to resort to gifts of love. anyway my mom has a pretty good sense of humor. its good because she lies about things that arent funny to people that dont know her and then she acts like they have an inside joke. for example:

w (waitress): who has the dr. pepper?
c: thats mine but put it here (indicating trevor's spot who actually ordered the dr. pepper and then smiling knowingly at w)

this is funny because my mom doesnt drink caffeine and thinks its morally wrong to do so and so she thinks the waitress will think that its funny that she said it was hers. she has lots of good jokes like that.

although it was my new years resolution not to swear in front of my family i accidentally said shit (there was an incident with shrimp). my mom said i wasnt raised around that word. not that i pointed it out but technically thats not true. my grandpa said shit all the time (so i am guessing she was also raised with that word). anyway, does she remember when i was 7 i decided shit wasnt a swear word and that i wanted to use it. after i got my mouth washed out like five times with soap i decided that even if i didnt think it was a swear (i was wrong) i had better stop using it. it was fun while it lasted. but it reminded me of how much i liked that word in the second grade.

anyway i thought it might be good to go on a little walk after the swear overhear. hayden and i sported pretty good foot wear. i have some new pink moccasins and hayden has some new blue flip flops. we walked around sizzler so everyone could enjoy our kicks while they enjoyed their cheese toast. i know i enjoyed both those things. yet another successful family night out.

i am loving the daylight i am saving

i was instructed to find a boyfriend before this kid turns one.

yeah i changed my blogs name. i should probably just explain it now so that the three people who read this can stop scratching their heads (that is a term for when you are confused right? my dad and i were watching fatal attraction murder mystery on tv and i would have asked him but he left to go talk to my mom). anyway, once my friend marcus said the bags out and we realized a couple of seconds later that he meant to say the cats out of the bag and we thought the bags out was probably better anyway and so we decided to say that instead. which is perfect for me because i have never been able to quote a damn thing right my entire life.

and in my life the bag is usually out.

my dad is loving this fatal attraction. he can barely decide if he wants to watch it or the jazz game more. i do feel bad for this lady. the guy keeps stealing her underwear. i mean how annoying is that. i hate buying new underwear. the lady didnt show up for work. george is getting more and more nervous. as he should be because that lady totally died.

my parents have pretty good conversations for people who have no real communication skills.

here was the last conversation:

g: natali is watching this murder mystery show (he thinks if he wants to watch it my mom wont let him)

c: i like murder mysteries (enthusiastically)

g: not this one because i like it and you dont like the murder mysteries i like (i dont think that was fair because my mom really does like murder mysteries)

c: i have diabetes, gout and high blood pressure. is there anything else i should have? (she doesnt have any of those things)

i tuned out here. mostly because this murder mystery is getting pretty good. the jazz game is out and fatal attraction is in.

ipod paralysis

i have been trying to buy an ipod for 2 years. and i really want one. breena once told me when you get an ipod you dont need friends. which kind of makes me think they might be some kind of drug which could be good for me since i dont have insurance and i get sad around this time of year. anyway, i have never been able to decide on which one to get. i mean seriously. how the hell do i make this kind of decision. i dont know how much music i want or what size is best or if i want to watch videos or save pictures or if i should get it to match my room or if i should buy it on ebay or just get it from apple. my 21 year old said that if i buy an ipod with 8 gigs then i am buying emotion and i dont even know what that means.

its ipod paralysis. and i have it bad.

today i am leaning towards the shuffle. i dont know its small and i can wear it to yoga so i dont have to listen to that shitty music they insist on playing which is some mix between nature sounds and bob marley. i dont know. those are my current thoughts. i am currently taking suggestions on this topic...

hottub ramblings

ok this is why i really like my mac. photobooth. friday night we went to go sushi which has the yummiest squid seaweed salad i have ever had. me and alma and the waitress think they might put crack in it because that would explain the cravings. and then we rented akeelah and the bee but we didnt watch it. instead we sat around and took pictures of ourselves on the mac. heidi has been practicing pouty lips. but so far all she has mastered is looking off into the distance. but that one can be pretty hard. anyway that was my favorite part of the night.

after that we went hottubbing with some boys that are 22 and 23. they were ok. i liked the 23 year old best because he wanted to play a hottub game and i love those. i dont know why. i usually hate games. but anyway what i am nervous about is my age defining me. i have been nervous about that for awhile. i am still working through my thoughts on this. the twenty two year old in the hottub said that age didnt mean anything and it was all about your focus in life (he asked me if i looked forward to having kids and playing with them and i said no and he said my stock went down. i lack the right focus) but i disagreed and said age meant everything but then said i didnt want to be defined by it. which seems contradictory. i attribute his narrow mindedness and black and white judgments on values to his age. so why cant he attribute the fact that i am moderately scared of having children and think about career stuff and my mild dissatisfaction with the world to my age. anyway. i guess what i decided in the end is that your experiences define you more than anything else. and with age you just have more. so in a way age defines you. but not in a way that i think everyone else thinks. is that right? because some people can have relatively the same experiences over and over and in the end not be changed by age. maybe that is impossible. i dont know.

also i dont think interests define you. which is why i have stopped answering those questions to a large degree. my friend will is 21 and he told me my favorite movie would determine if we have a future (we dont but its not because of a movie). anyway the problem i find with trying to define people by their interests and dislikes is i dont get what it says about people anymore or anyway. like if i say dumb and dumber is my favorite movie and i hate camping what does that mean? i dont think it means anything. but apparently its enough for some people to determine our eternal compatibility. anyway i am mostly just worried about my age defining me in ways that i didnt anticipate and probably dont accept. its like the lawyer thing. i hate when people find out what i do because i feel like it has little to nothing to do with who i am but in the end it dictates the approach to every conversation i have with people and majority of the assumptions they have about me.

i have always wanted to die around 77 which is why this article makes me kind of nervous. i believe the speculations of that little old asian man. they made fire works like forever before everyone else. they KNOW stuff.